a post for my own good
i guess it's time for a post... things they are a'changin.
for those of you who care, i'm fine. i haven't heard from very many of you, so i assume you don't really care anymore. maybe that's a reflection on my friendship. maybe you're busy. i don't know. i'm alright, though... even without "sleeping it off"--the only advice i got.
adam and i broke up. we sort of separated for awhile, but now it's final. it's carved in stone, stuffed into a bottle and thrown to the sea, etched in a tree... it's official. somewhere in this town, there's a country music song being written about it. i guess there's no turning back now.
as a sort of self analysis, i'm confident that i did everything i could. i think there will be countless regrets along the way, but the more i analyze the situation, the more confident i become that they will all be his. i did everything i could, given the circumstances.
at this point, i'm stuck debating on whether i was wrong about him all along. was he always this way, but covered it with acts that obviously meant nothing aside from an effort to impress me? i honestly don't think so. but as it is now, that's how he sees our past.
i deserve better than that. for quite a few weeks (months?), i felt like i had been bad and didn't deserve his forgiveness. but that isn't the case. a relationship can't be built or fixed on that. if he wants to dwell in the past and hold everything over my head, then he can be alone and miserable. and that's where he is.
i'm feeling pretty good. i'm feeling free. getting occasional hints of that single twinge again. the youthful feeling that going out and flirting with random guys carries along with it. the feeling i was just getting when he and i got together only one short year ago.
today at work, i even made the statement (on the topic of saving money), "i'm feeling wild. i just got out of an engagement and am feeling young again... my money will only be used for what i WANT."
when i first saw the ebay auction with my ring on it, my heart was broken. now, i'm just glad to have the bear essentials of my things back. if he wants to keep everything i got him in addition to the ring, then he can go right ahead. he's the one who has to live with it.
since when are the best friends in the world the ones you've only known a few months?
perhaps since the idea of friendship and love became so skewed by immaturity.
well, this post was random and poorly written. but, it was a post for my own good.
for those of you who care, i'm fine. i haven't heard from very many of you, so i assume you don't really care anymore. maybe that's a reflection on my friendship. maybe you're busy. i don't know. i'm alright, though... even without "sleeping it off"--the only advice i got.
adam and i broke up. we sort of separated for awhile, but now it's final. it's carved in stone, stuffed into a bottle and thrown to the sea, etched in a tree... it's official. somewhere in this town, there's a country music song being written about it. i guess there's no turning back now.
as a sort of self analysis, i'm confident that i did everything i could. i think there will be countless regrets along the way, but the more i analyze the situation, the more confident i become that they will all be his. i did everything i could, given the circumstances.
at this point, i'm stuck debating on whether i was wrong about him all along. was he always this way, but covered it with acts that obviously meant nothing aside from an effort to impress me? i honestly don't think so. but as it is now, that's how he sees our past.
i deserve better than that. for quite a few weeks (months?), i felt like i had been bad and didn't deserve his forgiveness. but that isn't the case. a relationship can't be built or fixed on that. if he wants to dwell in the past and hold everything over my head, then he can be alone and miserable. and that's where he is.
i'm feeling pretty good. i'm feeling free. getting occasional hints of that single twinge again. the youthful feeling that going out and flirting with random guys carries along with it. the feeling i was just getting when he and i got together only one short year ago.
today at work, i even made the statement (on the topic of saving money), "i'm feeling wild. i just got out of an engagement and am feeling young again... my money will only be used for what i WANT."
when i first saw the ebay auction with my ring on it, my heart was broken. now, i'm just glad to have the bear essentials of my things back. if he wants to keep everything i got him in addition to the ring, then he can go right ahead. he's the one who has to live with it.
since when are the best friends in the world the ones you've only known a few months?
perhaps since the idea of friendship and love became so skewed by immaturity.
well, this post was random and poorly written. but, it was a post for my own good.