(no subject)
Saturday night, I laid down in my bed and thought to myself how nice it was to have someone laying next to me again. When I closed my eyes I thought about how it used to feel to have another human being pledging to occupy the extra pillows on my bed forever. How comforting it was to think that I would never have to sleep alone again.
Just a few minutes ago, as I was brushing my teeth with my eyes struggling to stay half open my mind started wandering to bed again when it occurred to me that I would have the bed to myself again tonight. That thought--the one that used to make nighttime a particularly cold and lonely time--made me noticeably excited. I like being able to sleep on my own schedule now. I like not feeling like I am constantly sacrificing the things that make me happy in order to please someone else. I like living for me again.
Does this make me non-committal? Or am I just waiting on the right one? The one whose whole body will fit with mine. Whose actions, hopes, dreams, expectations, and more will jive with me. The one with whom I won't always have to sacrifice and settle for disappointment. The one who when I wake up everyday I smile by merely thinking of him rather than sigh a dreadful sigh for what vengeance and hateful surprises are to come that day.
That's what I'm looking for. And it's nice to have Carrie Bradshaw, Marilyn Duellman, Kayla Young, Melissa (whose last name I can't remember right now) as well as others to psychologically lay down with every night. These friends will last a lifetime just like a marriage and will always be there holding me at night... but I'm able to get all this from them without having to settle for a cramped sleeping style.
Just a few minutes ago, as I was brushing my teeth with my eyes struggling to stay half open my mind started wandering to bed again when it occurred to me that I would have the bed to myself again tonight. That thought--the one that used to make nighttime a particularly cold and lonely time--made me noticeably excited. I like being able to sleep on my own schedule now. I like not feeling like I am constantly sacrificing the things that make me happy in order to please someone else. I like living for me again.
Does this make me non-committal? Or am I just waiting on the right one? The one whose whole body will fit with mine. Whose actions, hopes, dreams, expectations, and more will jive with me. The one with whom I won't always have to sacrifice and settle for disappointment. The one who when I wake up everyday I smile by merely thinking of him rather than sigh a dreadful sigh for what vengeance and hateful surprises are to come that day.
That's what I'm looking for. And it's nice to have Carrie Bradshaw, Marilyn Duellman, Kayla Young, Melissa (whose last name I can't remember right now) as well as others to psychologically lay down with every night. These friends will last a lifetime just like a marriage and will always be there holding me at night... but I'm able to get all this from them without having to settle for a cramped sleeping style.