(no subject)
It was 90 degrees today. WTF!? It's November, it shouldn't be that hot. And to make it worse there was absolutely no breeze today. None. The leaves on trees were completely still. It was eerie and hot and stupid.
So! This is something rare for me, but I'd love some input with it if anyone can.
So remember that girl I was maid of honor for last year? The one I've been friends with since 5th grade (that's 13 years!). Well, truth be told we've had issues for awhile. Issues that have been kinda festering in me for a very long time. I don't want to get too far into it, mostly because it would be way too darn long. But I'll try to give a brief synopsis of it.
It all started 5 years ago when I got into college and she didn't. I was very excited, and at the time I didn't know Deb had been rejected from all of the schools she applied for. So I went up to her and told her I got into Cal Poly, expecting congrats and things best friends are supposed to say/do. The response I got was instead, "You know they just pick names out of a hat, right?"
First of all, no. No they don't. Second, ouch. I get now she was hurting, but still. That was uncalled for, and she never apologized for it. To this day that really hurts me to think about.
So after that all our issues come down to this one thing: she puts zero effort into our friendship. In five years she's come out to visit me ONCE. Once in five years. I can't even count how many times I've gone out there, or how many times another friend of mine who lives in the same area as Deb has come out to see me. To add insult to injury, half the time when I come out after having made plans to meet up with her, she'll either not pick up her phone or be having some issue with getting there on time.
For example, last time I came out there she was supposed to meet me for an hour before she went to bowling league. I had already driven three hours to get to where I was at the time (same city her bowling league was in), and she lived an hour away from there. She didn't return my calls/texts all day, and then at about 2pm I get a text saying, "I only now got off of work. Can you come up here? Or meet me at the bowling alley to say hi real quick (I won't be able to talk much though)". Her bowling didn't start til 6pm, so I asked if we could meet up in the four hours in between, as that was plenty of time and I had already driven everywhere that day. I never got a response.
Now to the issue that recently happened that broke the camel's back. A little over a month ago I was looking at some pictures on Facebook and noticed that in one of them she was in Bubblegum Alley, a local tourist spot in SLO (where I live, and confirmed when she posted pictures of a winery out here too). Which means she was out here, and didn't bother to call me or notify me or anything.
Obviously I was hurt, and decided that enough was enough and that we needed to have a chat about our relationship. So I texted her, "Hey. I'm kinda hurt you didn't let me know you were out here last week. Give me a call we need to talk."
I gave her two weeks to call me and she never did. So I called her last Sunday and said, "Deb, it's been two weeks since I said we needed to talk. Please call me. It's important."
Now it's been almost two weeks from then and still not a peep. And I know, know, that if she ever does call she'll spin me a tale about how she was, "too busy," despite having been given a MONTH to call me and having time for other people. She's also going to spin a, "Woe is me," tale to others about how this is all somehow my fault (I think she's already thinly doing this on Facebook).
I mean, seriously. If she's over the friendship, fine. I can handle that. But I do expect the courtesy and respect of returning my calls and actually discussing that we've grown apart or something, rather than being cowardly and not even acknowledging me. After 13 years, I don't think I'm asking too much.
So for the advice. I'm making a third and final call this Sunday, for closure's sake. As I don't expect her to call me back by then, nor do I expect her to actually pick up her phone, I intend to make this a "goodbye" call. But I want it to be civil while expressing that she really hurt me, and I'm not sure I can go about that without a loose script. I also want to make it clear that should she come to her senses and call me, I'm willing to listen. This is what I'm thinking:
"Hey Deb. It's now been a month since I asked you to call me, and you haven't. I'm extremely hurt that after 13 years of friendship I'm not even worth a 15 minute phone call to at least try to save this friendship, when you clearly have time for other people who you have expressed not even liking. It's a shame that you've chosen to end it this way. If in the future you decide to try to salvage our friendship, call me and I'll listen. Goodbye."
Is that OK? Does it seem passive aggressive, because I don't want it to be. And feel free to add any thoughts of the general situation too (like if I'm being crazy in thinking that sometime in an entire month even the busiest of people could have found time to call me). I don't like being in this situation and it sucks.
And now for happy things! Or at least one happy thing. This year for Halloween Spud was a devil:
Evil's never been cuter <3
So! This is something rare for me, but I'd love some input with it if anyone can.
So remember that girl I was maid of honor for last year? The one I've been friends with since 5th grade (that's 13 years!). Well, truth be told we've had issues for awhile. Issues that have been kinda festering in me for a very long time. I don't want to get too far into it, mostly because it would be way too darn long. But I'll try to give a brief synopsis of it.
It all started 5 years ago when I got into college and she didn't. I was very excited, and at the time I didn't know Deb had been rejected from all of the schools she applied for. So I went up to her and told her I got into Cal Poly, expecting congrats and things best friends are supposed to say/do. The response I got was instead, "You know they just pick names out of a hat, right?"
First of all, no. No they don't. Second, ouch. I get now she was hurting, but still. That was uncalled for, and she never apologized for it. To this day that really hurts me to think about.
So after that all our issues come down to this one thing: she puts zero effort into our friendship. In five years she's come out to visit me ONCE. Once in five years. I can't even count how many times I've gone out there, or how many times another friend of mine who lives in the same area as Deb has come out to see me. To add insult to injury, half the time when I come out after having made plans to meet up with her, she'll either not pick up her phone or be having some issue with getting there on time.
For example, last time I came out there she was supposed to meet me for an hour before she went to bowling league. I had already driven three hours to get to where I was at the time (same city her bowling league was in), and she lived an hour away from there. She didn't return my calls/texts all day, and then at about 2pm I get a text saying, "I only now got off of work. Can you come up here? Or meet me at the bowling alley to say hi real quick (I won't be able to talk much though)". Her bowling didn't start til 6pm, so I asked if we could meet up in the four hours in between, as that was plenty of time and I had already driven everywhere that day. I never got a response.
Now to the issue that recently happened that broke the camel's back. A little over a month ago I was looking at some pictures on Facebook and noticed that in one of them she was in Bubblegum Alley, a local tourist spot in SLO (where I live, and confirmed when she posted pictures of a winery out here too). Which means she was out here, and didn't bother to call me or notify me or anything.
Obviously I was hurt, and decided that enough was enough and that we needed to have a chat about our relationship. So I texted her, "Hey. I'm kinda hurt you didn't let me know you were out here last week. Give me a call we need to talk."
I gave her two weeks to call me and she never did. So I called her last Sunday and said, "Deb, it's been two weeks since I said we needed to talk. Please call me. It's important."
Now it's been almost two weeks from then and still not a peep. And I know, know, that if she ever does call she'll spin me a tale about how she was, "too busy," despite having been given a MONTH to call me and having time for other people. She's also going to spin a, "Woe is me," tale to others about how this is all somehow my fault (I think she's already thinly doing this on Facebook).
I mean, seriously. If she's over the friendship, fine. I can handle that. But I do expect the courtesy and respect of returning my calls and actually discussing that we've grown apart or something, rather than being cowardly and not even acknowledging me. After 13 years, I don't think I'm asking too much.
So for the advice. I'm making a third and final call this Sunday, for closure's sake. As I don't expect her to call me back by then, nor do I expect her to actually pick up her phone, I intend to make this a "goodbye" call. But I want it to be civil while expressing that she really hurt me, and I'm not sure I can go about that without a loose script. I also want to make it clear that should she come to her senses and call me, I'm willing to listen. This is what I'm thinking:
"Hey Deb. It's now been a month since I asked you to call me, and you haven't. I'm extremely hurt that after 13 years of friendship I'm not even worth a 15 minute phone call to at least try to save this friendship, when you clearly have time for other people who you have expressed not even liking. It's a shame that you've chosen to end it this way. If in the future you decide to try to salvage our friendship, call me and I'll listen. Goodbye."
Is that OK? Does it seem passive aggressive, because I don't want it to be. And feel free to add any thoughts of the general situation too (like if I'm being crazy in thinking that sometime in an entire month even the busiest of people could have found time to call me). I don't like being in this situation and it sucks.
And now for happy things! Or at least one happy thing. This year for Halloween Spud was a devil:
Evil's never been cuter <3