65F - 44F : Sunny
Today has been another crap day, thanks to depression. This is probably going to be a very short entry as I accomplished very little today. Despite going to bed at 3, I didn't get to sleep until after 5, when I earned my first "did you take your meds today?" from Victor, whom I had messaged with some crazy thing late at night. I don't think I did much else during the night. I think I watched one youtube video, and otherwise talked to Kali and Sarah, and basically sat around and moped because I was already depressed.
For most of the night I was having flashbacks and nightmares, and most of the time not even sure which it was.
I woke up around 2pm and found Jack in my bed again, with the pillows stacked next to the bed. I think I have prevented future occurrences by pulling the mattress back in line with the box spring. If he figures out how to get up there again, I'm going to have to buy a new bed sooner than I expected. I'm thinking of buying a day bed with a trundle under it, and then leaving the trundle out all the time so that when the dog jumps on and off the bed, he lands on the lower trundle, and then gets onto the ground safely. This can be had for less than $500, though I haven't priced the mattresses, which I understand can be pretty pricey. I don't think I need a hugely expensive mattress - the one on my bed at my parents' place is fine, and that was just a cheap mattress with a topper on it.
I got up and talked to Victor for a while, and read the usual internet sites. Somehow it was quickly 4pm and time for my social worker appointment. My social worker is moving to a morning shift, and I have to change social workers again - the 4th one since Kevin died, 9 months ago.
I wasted time until dinner, which I barely convinced myself to eat, and that only because all I had to do was push one button on the microwave. Anyway, I managed to eat and take my meds (after my 2nd "did you take your meds today?" from Wendy). But then, things just went haywire. I realized I need gas if I wanted to get to Dacula Park today to fight. Gas is currently running me about $70 a tank. I sat there and thought about whether fighter practice was really worth $70, and decided it was not, so even though I have to spend that same $70 to go to Temple tomorrow or the Shabbaton on Saturday, I couldn't convince myself to spend it. I hope that I can convince myself to spend it this weekend as I am lonely and bored, and need to see people.
It probably turned out to be a good thing that I didn't go to fighter practice, because by the time I realized I had to take my trash out, I was scared of the dark and couldn't convince myself to go outside. Victor fixed it, but if I had been out in public that could have been a bad thing. As it is I earned my third "have you taken your meds today?" from 2damn.
Anyway, I did the bare minimum for exercise and art, but then did spend a few minutes reading a couple of books (all three nonfiction - I'm not sure I can handle anything going poorly for a character today! Nor a character supporting Hitler. Or what else I'm not sure, but facts seem safer today).
I wrote an email to Nat, though I'm not really sure what to tell him. He's worried that his house is going to be foreclosed on while he's in jail or shortly thereafter, and without the large house that currently houses him, his wife, his wife's ex husband, their daughter, and two grandbabies, his wife is going to choose the family with the grandbabies, and leave him homeless. The only thing I can offer is to take his information and try to fill out Section 8 Housing applications for him so he gets moved up in the line instead of having to start at the bottom of the line in June. I think it's likely he'll wind up on the streets, though. I don't know. Maybe his brother will take him.
This brought us to 10 and time to write here, and so here I am. It's only 10:30, so I have been writing half as long as an entry usually takes me. I don't think I have anything else to say, though.
For most of the night I was having flashbacks and nightmares, and most of the time not even sure which it was.
I woke up around 2pm and found Jack in my bed again, with the pillows stacked next to the bed. I think I have prevented future occurrences by pulling the mattress back in line with the box spring. If he figures out how to get up there again, I'm going to have to buy a new bed sooner than I expected. I'm thinking of buying a day bed with a trundle under it, and then leaving the trundle out all the time so that when the dog jumps on and off the bed, he lands on the lower trundle, and then gets onto the ground safely. This can be had for less than $500, though I haven't priced the mattresses, which I understand can be pretty pricey. I don't think I need a hugely expensive mattress - the one on my bed at my parents' place is fine, and that was just a cheap mattress with a topper on it.
I got up and talked to Victor for a while, and read the usual internet sites. Somehow it was quickly 4pm and time for my social worker appointment. My social worker is moving to a morning shift, and I have to change social workers again - the 4th one since Kevin died, 9 months ago.
I wasted time until dinner, which I barely convinced myself to eat, and that only because all I had to do was push one button on the microwave. Anyway, I managed to eat and take my meds (after my 2nd "did you take your meds today?" from Wendy). But then, things just went haywire. I realized I need gas if I wanted to get to Dacula Park today to fight. Gas is currently running me about $70 a tank. I sat there and thought about whether fighter practice was really worth $70, and decided it was not, so even though I have to spend that same $70 to go to Temple tomorrow or the Shabbaton on Saturday, I couldn't convince myself to spend it. I hope that I can convince myself to spend it this weekend as I am lonely and bored, and need to see people.
It probably turned out to be a good thing that I didn't go to fighter practice, because by the time I realized I had to take my trash out, I was scared of the dark and couldn't convince myself to go outside. Victor fixed it, but if I had been out in public that could have been a bad thing. As it is I earned my third "have you taken your meds today?" from 2damn.
Anyway, I did the bare minimum for exercise and art, but then did spend a few minutes reading a couple of books (all three nonfiction - I'm not sure I can handle anything going poorly for a character today! Nor a character supporting Hitler. Or what else I'm not sure, but facts seem safer today).
I wrote an email to Nat, though I'm not really sure what to tell him. He's worried that his house is going to be foreclosed on while he's in jail or shortly thereafter, and without the large house that currently houses him, his wife, his wife's ex husband, their daughter, and two grandbabies, his wife is going to choose the family with the grandbabies, and leave him homeless. The only thing I can offer is to take his information and try to fill out Section 8 Housing applications for him so he gets moved up in the line instead of having to start at the bottom of the line in June. I think it's likely he'll wind up on the streets, though. I don't know. Maybe his brother will take him.
This brought us to 10 and time to write here, and so here I am. It's only 10:30, so I have been writing half as long as an entry usually takes me. I don't think I have anything else to say, though.