74F - 44F : Morning Heavy Rain
I fell asleep at 10pm last night, and then woke up at 10am. Once again my dog managed to pull pillows off the bed and use them to climb into bed with me. This is bad because at some point someone will come to my door or there will be a noise or something and Jack will jump off the bed, and I am afraid that he will hurt himself. He is too old for me to justify another $10k surgery on his back. So I don't know what I'm going to do about the dog getting into the bed. Maybe the answer is buying a new bed like I've been talking about anyway, but trying to get one that is lower to the ground so that the dog can just jump off of it without hurting himself?
I got up and checked on Zelensky, then read LJ and DW and RN. I wrote yesterday's entry and my reading Wednesday post, and that took like an hour. I really don't know what else I did for 5 hours, though. Mostly I think I just sat here being sad. I should have tried another cup of happiness tea, I guess, but that just seemed like so much work. I tried to talk to Victor, but he kept ignoring me, even though FB says he saw my messages. So that just made me sadder. I really just wasted this time, though.
At 3:30 my alarm went off and I went to Corners Outreach to volunteer (which thank god this is on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays, as it is right over the Jimmy Carter/I-85 interchange). I was made even sadder by a little girl who asked the other teacher for help. When the other teacher told her she was busy, but I could help, the girl was like "I'll wait for you." I have no idea what I did to make this girl not like me, as I've never even seen her before, but I was really sad after that. No one else needed homework help so I spent the period building with blocks with two little boys who had definite ideas about what to create and how to create it and made the exact same designs 3 times in a row.
I came home and ate dinner, and was just sad. I managed to convince myself to read a chapter of my book club book and the last chapter and epilogue of The Four Winds, which, btw, I have been reading since February of last year. I know it doesn't help that I almost completely stopped reading for like 6 months, but I still am not back where I want to be with getting things read, and I fear that I may still be reading things I started reading this week a year from now, and I have so many books that I want to read. I'm starting to stress out about reading, and that's not good, because reading is supposed to be what I do to stop stressing out. But seriously, I have 12 books just from BOTM that I haven't finished, or in most cases even started yet. Never mind all these other books I have around my house.
Mostly, though, I've just sat here being sad today. I don't know why I'm sad. It's not an anniversary of anything major changing. Kevin was awake but still in ICU last year, and that'll continue through the rest of this month. His birthday isn't until the 2nd. It's not anything important right now. I'm just sad.
I did pass 100k worth of writing for the year today. This puts me on par where I wanted to be by the end of the month. If I continue to write at this pace, I'll be at 110k by the end of the month, and keeping up this pace will give me 440k by the end of the year, assuming I don't do NaNo and Camp NaNo. If I do both of those, I'll wind up with about 500k, but I'm traveling during both camps, so not sure I'm going to bother with getting 50k for those. Nor am I entirely convinced that I'll be doing NaNo, at least with a 50k goal. I'll be writing more though, I think. And if HQ ever gives us permission to have in person write ins again, I hope to start up the year round one we used to have going, which would give me a lot more words by the end of the year. HQ says not to expect any word until June or July, though.
Anyway, today was mostly wasted time, and now it's 10:45 and I'm not at all tired, so I guess this useful trick of sleeping early and waking up at human hours is going to end tonight. Too bad, I was hoping it would continue until Saturday when I let Kyra talk me into a day of religious stuff (I'm not even entirely sure what I'm getting into except that I volunteered to write a page long speech on the theme of "welcoming - when have you been welcomed by our community at TKE" so I can't be late or skip services and just show up for the shabbaton part).
Eirini, it turns out, was 6 years old in 1994, making him younger than me by more than 5 years. I had been assuming he was old because he occasionally complains of not understanding "millennial things." I had assumed he was a boomer, but it turns out he's just a millennial who doesn't understand his own generation. I can relate to that! (I hate avocado).
I've been reading a book about one of the families that were movers and shakers during the 1930s. Although they are Americans, they are very involved with Berlin and Hitler, selling him parts to make weapons and tut tutting "oh it's a shame about the Jews but nothing we can do" even when German Jews show up on their doorsteps with a list of things they actually could do.
This book is highly uncomfortable to me because my family were actual movers and shakers during the time period, at least my dad's family were. And while I know that both of my grandfathers and my grandmother's first husband all fought in the war, I don't know what they were up to before that, or rather what their parents were up to before that. The book is about a modern woman, a history professor, who discovers these problematic people in her family. And damn if that's not hitting a little too close to home.
I got up and checked on Zelensky, then read LJ and DW and RN. I wrote yesterday's entry and my reading Wednesday post, and that took like an hour. I really don't know what else I did for 5 hours, though. Mostly I think I just sat here being sad. I should have tried another cup of happiness tea, I guess, but that just seemed like so much work. I tried to talk to Victor, but he kept ignoring me, even though FB says he saw my messages. So that just made me sadder. I really just wasted this time, though.
At 3:30 my alarm went off and I went to Corners Outreach to volunteer (which thank god this is on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays, as it is right over the Jimmy Carter/I-85 interchange). I was made even sadder by a little girl who asked the other teacher for help. When the other teacher told her she was busy, but I could help, the girl was like "I'll wait for you." I have no idea what I did to make this girl not like me, as I've never even seen her before, but I was really sad after that. No one else needed homework help so I spent the period building with blocks with two little boys who had definite ideas about what to create and how to create it and made the exact same designs 3 times in a row.
I came home and ate dinner, and was just sad. I managed to convince myself to read a chapter of my book club book and the last chapter and epilogue of The Four Winds, which, btw, I have been reading since February of last year. I know it doesn't help that I almost completely stopped reading for like 6 months, but I still am not back where I want to be with getting things read, and I fear that I may still be reading things I started reading this week a year from now, and I have so many books that I want to read. I'm starting to stress out about reading, and that's not good, because reading is supposed to be what I do to stop stressing out. But seriously, I have 12 books just from BOTM that I haven't finished, or in most cases even started yet. Never mind all these other books I have around my house.
Mostly, though, I've just sat here being sad today. I don't know why I'm sad. It's not an anniversary of anything major changing. Kevin was awake but still in ICU last year, and that'll continue through the rest of this month. His birthday isn't until the 2nd. It's not anything important right now. I'm just sad.
I did pass 100k worth of writing for the year today. This puts me on par where I wanted to be by the end of the month. If I continue to write at this pace, I'll be at 110k by the end of the month, and keeping up this pace will give me 440k by the end of the year, assuming I don't do NaNo and Camp NaNo. If I do both of those, I'll wind up with about 500k, but I'm traveling during both camps, so not sure I'm going to bother with getting 50k for those. Nor am I entirely convinced that I'll be doing NaNo, at least with a 50k goal. I'll be writing more though, I think. And if HQ ever gives us permission to have in person write ins again, I hope to start up the year round one we used to have going, which would give me a lot more words by the end of the year. HQ says not to expect any word until June or July, though.
Anyway, today was mostly wasted time, and now it's 10:45 and I'm not at all tired, so I guess this useful trick of sleeping early and waking up at human hours is going to end tonight. Too bad, I was hoping it would continue until Saturday when I let Kyra talk me into a day of religious stuff (I'm not even entirely sure what I'm getting into except that I volunteered to write a page long speech on the theme of "welcoming - when have you been welcomed by our community at TKE" so I can't be late or skip services and just show up for the shabbaton part).
Eirini, it turns out, was 6 years old in 1994, making him younger than me by more than 5 years. I had been assuming he was old because he occasionally complains of not understanding "millennial things." I had assumed he was a boomer, but it turns out he's just a millennial who doesn't understand his own generation. I can relate to that! (I hate avocado).
I've been reading a book about one of the families that were movers and shakers during the 1930s. Although they are Americans, they are very involved with Berlin and Hitler, selling him parts to make weapons and tut tutting "oh it's a shame about the Jews but nothing we can do" even when German Jews show up on their doorsteps with a list of things they actually could do.
This book is highly uncomfortable to me because my family were actual movers and shakers during the time period, at least my dad's family were. And while I know that both of my grandfathers and my grandmother's first husband all fought in the war, I don't know what they were up to before that, or rather what their parents were up to before that. The book is about a modern woman, a history professor, who discovers these problematic people in her family. And damn if that's not hitting a little too close to home.