(no subject)
Given the craziness of this weekend, I thought another post was necessary. This afternoon, Nick and I almost broke up for good. We had different wants and need for ourselves, and different expectations of what the other person wanted, and.. you get the picture. I think we have actually reached a compromise at last. He's working on expressing his emotions. I'm working on building my own life separate from him. I won't stop him from going on his adventures. However, I expect him to share most of them with me, either by taking me with him, or by telling me about them. That way we can separate and go our different ways, and still share eachother's lives. (There's that stability I need). I won't be just a home or a refuge, but an active part of his life. I concider sharing experiences and ideas an active role. My ability to see things from a different perspective might be helpful to him sometimes. His ability to find exciting things to do and new ideas might help me grow. We'll have things to talk about in the evenings when we're alone together. I really like this dream. It's combining the best of wandering adventure and secure, stable home. I'm not asking that we settle down into a small community and live there forever. I'm not asking for that kind of home. To me home is somewhere, or someone, where you know you will always be accepted, and appreciated, and loved. It's a place for laughter, pain, sharing and love.
I feel good. Actually I keep feeling like amost crying, but it's always with a smile. I feel so relieved. Today I held my future in a moment, a heartbeat. If I had said something different, if I had done a million things, I might be in a very different position right now. I'm proud of myself for being so capable. I saw what was going on, I saw what I needed. I asked the right questions. It was honesty and effective communication at its best. It's good to know I can pull that off when it really matters.
How can the world still look the same when so much has changed? I am so filled with relief, and awe and joy that I can barely contain it. Maybe this is how people feel when they survive what should have been a fatal accident.
I feel good. Actually I keep feeling like amost crying, but it's always with a smile. I feel so relieved. Today I held my future in a moment, a heartbeat. If I had said something different, if I had done a million things, I might be in a very different position right now. I'm proud of myself for being so capable. I saw what was going on, I saw what I needed. I asked the right questions. It was honesty and effective communication at its best. It's good to know I can pull that off when it really matters.
How can the world still look the same when so much has changed? I am so filled with relief, and awe and joy that I can barely contain it. Maybe this is how people feel when they survive what should have been a fatal accident.