My new career and my new "life"-opinions so far
Sheesh! I knew you had to go through hard things to grow, but I never realised how weak it would make me feel.
I have this anxiety that threatens to overwhelm me when I am alone, that makes me fall into a crying, sniveling mess.
In one part of me it protests, "I want to be at home, I want to be secure, I don't want all these tests, I can accept being inadequate if you would only let me leave, one year is too long to be this way...
...To feel so alone."
Then the other, standing in the corner glaring, "Why are you so pathetic? Other people have coped with more than this! If you go home what will that achieve? You'll be a failure! Do you want to put pressure on your family? Do you want them to be in debt because they gave you this chance, this amazing opportunity, THAT YOU WANTED!!!! to be in another country. To learn, to teach, to see a whole other way of life?
Hmmmm?... No answer huh?"
I know it is necessary, but I feel that everyone gets through things better than me. Yes they have immense struggles... but they do overcome it.
Can I?
When people are around me, things seem to get easier. But when I am alone it feels like the walls are closing in around me.
I am not sure if I can be assertive or knowledgeable enough to gain the respect of my students. I have my age and inexperience and... meek personality to contend with.
Who was I to think I could do this?
It's an entire year! How can I get through it?
*inner voice* "Each day it gets easier, you will see that soon. Yes it's a bloody steep learning curve... but you will learn and grow more this way. Take each day for all it has to offer".