PART 2 PISSING D.OTTER
PART 2 OF 3
Harry never had wished this hard in his entire life to be “the boy who died” instead of the boy who lived.
Kaico was waving his wand in a graceful manner, sitting against the headrest of D.otter’s bed- his fucking bed goddamn it Kaico had his own bed why loiter here why just whyyy- And flung his belongings inside the wardrobe. Smirking ever so casually, Kaico strapped his expensive Louis Vuitton bag to the wall and finished with a cry of silent victory.
Harry rolled his eyes and sighed defeatedly. “Kaico. Would you please-please get off my bed? I mean, you have a bed of your own so why loiter, I mean sit your royal ass on my bed? Unless you want to exchange, because that’s fine by me. At least the other bed doesn’t have your rich ass’s cooties all over it.” He scoffed and prepared to lunge at the other, uninhabited bed across the room when Kaico unceremoniously threw himself at the mattress, succeeding in reaching it first, leaving Harry gaping and freezing mid-step a few centimeters away.
Kaico gave Harry that devilish grin of his and reached for the other’s wrist, pulling him oh-so-hastily, only to have him land on top of him with a soft thud. Harry shrieked and blinked a couple of times because everything happened so fast and everything was a blur and the next thing he knew Kaico was leaning in, and fuck he’s close he’s close what is he doing what what-
The door of their shared room flew open and a totally oblivious Luhan stepped in.
“Oh hey Harry! Do you want to spot nymphs with me in the woods- Oh.”
Harry was seen by Luhan in a compromising situation. Harry was literally on top of Kaico.
“No! Wait, Luhan it’s not-“
“It seems I passed by at the wrong time. Maybe tomorrow then, Harry. If you aren’t busy. See you!” Luhan all but cheerfully told his friend and skipped merrily out the door like he just hadn’t witnessed something traumatizing.
“Fuck it Kaico, this is all your fucking fault! Bloody hell! Fuck the heck off!” Harry pushed himself up harshly against Kaico and stood, irritably dusting himself off of Kaico’s invisible germs clinging to his skin causing all those unpleasant goosebumps he’s been feeling since he’s gotten intimate body contact with the other.
The latter just chuckled darkly at him, licking his lips while setting himself up on his elbows.
“Tell me, D.otter. What is it in you that everyone finds so extraordinary? Because I can’t see anything you have that I don’t. As a matter of fact, I possess more pleasant qualities than you’ll ever have during your lifetime.” He smiled mockingly and pressed on some more. “What is so special about ‘the boy who lived?’ Enlighten me, if you please.”
Harry resisted the urge to hurl his dying owl at Kaico, which was located directly to his right, sleeping soundly as if it found inner peace. He wished Kaico found inner peace too, eternal inner peace, that is. Arrogant piece of shit. He mumbled and turned to pick up a pillow that was thrown off the bed because of what had transpired earlier. He shuddered at the afterthought and hurled the pillow, aiming for Kaico’s royal head, but the other, being the expert that he is, caught it in time before it hit his expensive face. “First of all, there is nothing special about me. Just the fact that like everyone else here, I was born with the gift of magic. Second-“ a pause, Harry picked something off the floor, whatever that black thing was, and flung it towards the smirking boys’ direction. “- I am only called ‘the boy who live’ by the people who heard of my ‘life story’. It’s nothing special, really. They just exaggerated it and everything went haywire since then.” Harry sighed and turned around, shoulders sagging as he made his way back to his assaulted bed.
“So, tell me then. What really happened.”
Harry debated himself. Should he or should he not? Nah. “And why would I tell an ignorant little brat such as yourself? We aren’t even close, let alone friends. Heck, we aren’t even in good speaking terms.” He shook his head. “So, no.”
Kaico suddenly took out his wand from inside his thick, black jacket and waved it around. He fixed the mess he had inflicted onto Harry’s bed. “Alright then, stubborn little ass. Goodnight, Harry D.otter.”
Harry blinked a few times at his now sparkling clean bed, even cleaner than when they first entered the room. He bit down on his lower lip and cocked his head to the right to stare at Kaico’s sleeping figure faced in the opposite direction.
Harry D.otter thinks he’s rooming with the devil himself, and that he’s going to live in pure hell the whole week.
Harry was right.
But there was actually a good side to this. When Kaico placed a gorilla inside the bathroom one time when it was Harry’s turn to take a shower, he made the gorilla leave quietly by talking to it. By freaking talking to it. Harry knows by now that he can talk to gorilla’s. Or any type of ape for that matter, just like Hyukdemort (cue in lightning, thunder and the flickering of the light) - he shuddered at the thought and absentmindedly pressed a finger to his lightning scar. That explains why he could talk to Kaico.
Today Harry was taken wand shopping by Siwoneus Hagrid. Siwoneus, was in fact a giant. Literally- he towered like a fucking skyscraper above Harry and the others. Harry hates how short he really is. Despite Siwoneus’ freakish height, he was nice and gentle. He was kind to Harry and all the other students back at Hogwarts. Harry learned Siwoneus lives at a tiny cottage right off campus, near the forest, through his incessant babbling. Harry also unnecessarily learned that Siwoneus is extremely religious, and that he promises to show his Saint replica collection, to which Harry responded with a curt smile and a polite nod.
“We’re here!” Siwoneus cheery and loud voice echoed through the alley and made several heads turn. Harry wanted the ground to swallow him up then and there- but then he stopped himself just in time, remembering that it might actually happen, considering his power still beyond his control. He might create a black hole in the ground right there and then, without actually wanting it to happen.
Reluctantly, Siwoneus and Harry entered the wand store and greeted the old wand maker.
“Sup Mister SooMvander! This is Harry D.otter!”
Harry smiled at the wand maker. “How do you do, Mr. SooMvander sir.”
“Ah! The boy who lived! Good, good. Now come here child so we could get you a wand!”
Harry stepped closer and peered curiously at the thin pieces of wood laid on the table in front of him.
“Come on child, wave your hand above each type of wand and your power will automatically select one for you. When a type of wand chooses you, it immediately flies off and up to the palm of your hand. Go and try it!”
Harry silently wishes that he’d get a strong type of wand. One that looks cool, sturdy and will harness his magical powers well. He bites his lower lip gingerly and hovers his right hand above all the wands, stopping at least 2 seconds above each type of stick, waiting anxiously if one rises to choose him. Harry was starting to lose hope- albeit feeling a bit stupid, as he hovered his hand above the sticks like offering it a prayer of some sort, while the pieces of wood laid there motionless. He was about to give up and was prepared to just go home and mope in the comfort of his bed, drown himself in misery as he tries to accept the fact that he failed as a wizard when he felt the soft thud of wood hitting his palm. HOLY CRAP DID THAT WAND JUST FREAKING FLY INTO MY PALM DID IT JUST DO THAT OH MY FREAKING GALL BLADDER WHAT IS THIS SORCERY-
“Good choice Mr. D.Otter! This wand has the core of a Dragon’s heartstring. Take good care of this. Wands like these are getting rarer and rarer. It’s extremely hard to kill dragon’s these days, what more to find them. Such a rare species.” SooMvander shakes his head in pity and hands the wand to Harry.
Siwoneus pays with his own money because Harry is as poor as fuck.
Harry sits in his bed and stares at his wand. Just then, the door swings open and a very angry looking Kaico walks in, not even throwing a glance toward Harry’s direction. His brows knit together in confusion as he watches his roommate-but not quite-resident royal pain in the ass rummage through his belongings. Flinging the contents of his drawer, cabinet and suit case into every direction. A pink calvin klein boxer hits Harry’s face and he cringes in disgust, holding the underwear by its garter with his two fingers, flinging it back to its owner. It lands on Kaico’s back with a thud, but he doesn’t notice it, and continues to throw his belongings everywhere, specifically his white briefs, clean or not, mixing in ugly piles all over the room.
Disgusting, he breathed and shook his head disapprovingly. Thank the heavens for magic.
Harry stood up and tried his best to avoid the raining “underwear and all that other shit you wear with it” and aimed straight for the door.
A hand appeared out of nowhere and blocked his exit.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Kaico growled and glared menacingly at Harry.
He cleared his throat nervously and tried to avoid Kaico’s eyes. “I’m going to the common room.”
“No.” Kaico’s hand curled around Harry’s wrist and led him back to his bed, sitting him down, all the while keeping eye contact with that dangerous glint in his eyes.
“Did you or did you not see an antique box under my bed?”
“What”
“Just answer the goddamn question D.otter.”
“No! I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh fuck.” Kaico cussed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He kicked the bundle of clothes at his foot and let out a loud battle cry.
Harry cringed and bit his lip. “Why, what’s wrong?”
“Hyukdemort’s cum is in there.”
Harry stared wide-eyed at him. “Excuse me, but what”
“HYUKDEMORT’SCUMISINTHERE”
“I’m sorry, come again?”
“HYUKDEMORT’S CUM IS IN THAT FUCKING BOX GODDAMIT ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?”
“Oh well I’m sorry for clarifying that because IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS RIGHT IN THE WORLD WHY DO YOU HAVE HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED’S CUM IN YOUR BOX? AND OF ALL SHIT YOU COULD TAKE, YOU GOT THE CUM. WHY. JUST WHYY. THAT’S JUST SICK MAN.”
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT’S MY DAD’S COLLECTION FOR DONGBLEDORE.”
“WHAT”
“OH LET’S JUST LET IT DROP, JESUS.” Kaico was at the verge of pulling all his hairs out because of Harry’s confusion, inarticulateness, and stupidity.
“SO YOU MEAN TO SAY HYUKDEMORT AND DONGBLEDORE HAS A THING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM??? OMG WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO!!” Harry sunk to his knees dramatically and curled himself into a ball, rocking himself back and forth, chanting I am a pretty butterfly I am free and I am not freaked out by all of this to himself again and again. To his uttermost bewilderment and surprise, Kaico chuckled, well, doubled over in laughter.
Harry just stared blankly at him. Kaico was still rolling around on the floor laughing while pointing a finger at him.
“What?” Harry sat, annoyed.
Just then, Luhan and McSehun emerged from the closet and fished out $200 each from their pockets.
“Fuck you man.”
“I am not betting with you or McSehun again!”
Kaico took the money and winked at both of them. Kaico then turned to a very flabbergasted Harry and held out a hand for him.
“FUCK YOU KAICO MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Harry never had wished this hard in his entire life to be “the boy who died” instead of the boy who lived.
Kaico was waving his wand in a graceful manner, sitting against the headrest of D.otter’s bed- his fucking bed goddamn it Kaico had his own bed why loiter here why just whyyy- And flung his belongings inside the wardrobe. Smirking ever so casually, Kaico strapped his expensive Louis Vuitton bag to the wall and finished with a cry of silent victory.
Harry rolled his eyes and sighed defeatedly. “Kaico. Would you please-please get off my bed? I mean, you have a bed of your own so why loiter, I mean sit your royal ass on my bed? Unless you want to exchange, because that’s fine by me. At least the other bed doesn’t have your rich ass’s cooties all over it.” He scoffed and prepared to lunge at the other, uninhabited bed across the room when Kaico unceremoniously threw himself at the mattress, succeeding in reaching it first, leaving Harry gaping and freezing mid-step a few centimeters away.
Kaico gave Harry that devilish grin of his and reached for the other’s wrist, pulling him oh-so-hastily, only to have him land on top of him with a soft thud. Harry shrieked and blinked a couple of times because everything happened so fast and everything was a blur and the next thing he knew Kaico was leaning in, and fuck he’s close he’s close what is he doing what what-
The door of their shared room flew open and a totally oblivious Luhan stepped in.
“Oh hey Harry! Do you want to spot nymphs with me in the woods- Oh.”
Harry was seen by Luhan in a compromising situation. Harry was literally on top of Kaico.
“No! Wait, Luhan it’s not-“
“It seems I passed by at the wrong time. Maybe tomorrow then, Harry. If you aren’t busy. See you!” Luhan all but cheerfully told his friend and skipped merrily out the door like he just hadn’t witnessed something traumatizing.
“Fuck it Kaico, this is all your fucking fault! Bloody hell! Fuck the heck off!” Harry pushed himself up harshly against Kaico and stood, irritably dusting himself off of Kaico’s invisible germs clinging to his skin causing all those unpleasant goosebumps he’s been feeling since he’s gotten intimate body contact with the other.
The latter just chuckled darkly at him, licking his lips while setting himself up on his elbows.
“Tell me, D.otter. What is it in you that everyone finds so extraordinary? Because I can’t see anything you have that I don’t. As a matter of fact, I possess more pleasant qualities than you’ll ever have during your lifetime.” He smiled mockingly and pressed on some more. “What is so special about ‘the boy who lived?’ Enlighten me, if you please.”
Harry resisted the urge to hurl his dying owl at Kaico, which was located directly to his right, sleeping soundly as if it found inner peace. He wished Kaico found inner peace too, eternal inner peace, that is. Arrogant piece of shit. He mumbled and turned to pick up a pillow that was thrown off the bed because of what had transpired earlier. He shuddered at the afterthought and hurled the pillow, aiming for Kaico’s royal head, but the other, being the expert that he is, caught it in time before it hit his expensive face. “First of all, there is nothing special about me. Just the fact that like everyone else here, I was born with the gift of magic. Second-“ a pause, Harry picked something off the floor, whatever that black thing was, and flung it towards the smirking boys’ direction. “- I am only called ‘the boy who live’ by the people who heard of my ‘life story’. It’s nothing special, really. They just exaggerated it and everything went haywire since then.” Harry sighed and turned around, shoulders sagging as he made his way back to his assaulted bed.
“So, tell me then. What really happened.”
Harry debated himself. Should he or should he not? Nah. “And why would I tell an ignorant little brat such as yourself? We aren’t even close, let alone friends. Heck, we aren’t even in good speaking terms.” He shook his head. “So, no.”
Kaico suddenly took out his wand from inside his thick, black jacket and waved it around. He fixed the mess he had inflicted onto Harry’s bed. “Alright then, stubborn little ass. Goodnight, Harry D.otter.”
Harry blinked a few times at his now sparkling clean bed, even cleaner than when they first entered the room. He bit down on his lower lip and cocked his head to the right to stare at Kaico’s sleeping figure faced in the opposite direction.
Harry D.otter thinks he’s rooming with the devil himself, and that he’s going to live in pure hell the whole week.
Harry was right.
But there was actually a good side to this. When Kaico placed a gorilla inside the bathroom one time when it was Harry’s turn to take a shower, he made the gorilla leave quietly by talking to it. By freaking talking to it. Harry knows by now that he can talk to gorilla’s. Or any type of ape for that matter, just like Hyukdemort (cue in lightning, thunder and the flickering of the light) - he shuddered at the thought and absentmindedly pressed a finger to his lightning scar. That explains why he could talk to Kaico.
Today Harry was taken wand shopping by Siwoneus Hagrid. Siwoneus, was in fact a giant. Literally- he towered like a fucking skyscraper above Harry and the others. Harry hates how short he really is. Despite Siwoneus’ freakish height, he was nice and gentle. He was kind to Harry and all the other students back at Hogwarts. Harry learned Siwoneus lives at a tiny cottage right off campus, near the forest, through his incessant babbling. Harry also unnecessarily learned that Siwoneus is extremely religious, and that he promises to show his Saint replica collection, to which Harry responded with a curt smile and a polite nod.
“We’re here!” Siwoneus cheery and loud voice echoed through the alley and made several heads turn. Harry wanted the ground to swallow him up then and there- but then he stopped himself just in time, remembering that it might actually happen, considering his power still beyond his control. He might create a black hole in the ground right there and then, without actually wanting it to happen.
Reluctantly, Siwoneus and Harry entered the wand store and greeted the old wand maker.
“Sup Mister SooMvander! This is Harry D.otter!”
Harry smiled at the wand maker. “How do you do, Mr. SooMvander sir.”
“Ah! The boy who lived! Good, good. Now come here child so we could get you a wand!”
Harry stepped closer and peered curiously at the thin pieces of wood laid on the table in front of him.
“Come on child, wave your hand above each type of wand and your power will automatically select one for you. When a type of wand chooses you, it immediately flies off and up to the palm of your hand. Go and try it!”
Harry silently wishes that he’d get a strong type of wand. One that looks cool, sturdy and will harness his magical powers well. He bites his lower lip gingerly and hovers his right hand above all the wands, stopping at least 2 seconds above each type of stick, waiting anxiously if one rises to choose him. Harry was starting to lose hope- albeit feeling a bit stupid, as he hovered his hand above the sticks like offering it a prayer of some sort, while the pieces of wood laid there motionless. He was about to give up and was prepared to just go home and mope in the comfort of his bed, drown himself in misery as he tries to accept the fact that he failed as a wizard when he felt the soft thud of wood hitting his palm. HOLY CRAP DID THAT WAND JUST FREAKING FLY INTO MY PALM DID IT JUST DO THAT OH MY FREAKING GALL BLADDER WHAT IS THIS SORCERY-
“Good choice Mr. D.Otter! This wand has the core of a Dragon’s heartstring. Take good care of this. Wands like these are getting rarer and rarer. It’s extremely hard to kill dragon’s these days, what more to find them. Such a rare species.” SooMvander shakes his head in pity and hands the wand to Harry.
Siwoneus pays with his own money because Harry is as poor as fuck.
Harry sits in his bed and stares at his wand. Just then, the door swings open and a very angry looking Kaico walks in, not even throwing a glance toward Harry’s direction. His brows knit together in confusion as he watches his roommate-but not quite-resident royal pain in the ass rummage through his belongings. Flinging the contents of his drawer, cabinet and suit case into every direction. A pink calvin klein boxer hits Harry’s face and he cringes in disgust, holding the underwear by its garter with his two fingers, flinging it back to its owner. It lands on Kaico’s back with a thud, but he doesn’t notice it, and continues to throw his belongings everywhere, specifically his white briefs, clean or not, mixing in ugly piles all over the room.
Disgusting, he breathed and shook his head disapprovingly. Thank the heavens for magic.
Harry stood up and tried his best to avoid the raining “underwear and all that other shit you wear with it” and aimed straight for the door.
A hand appeared out of nowhere and blocked his exit.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Kaico growled and glared menacingly at Harry.
He cleared his throat nervously and tried to avoid Kaico’s eyes. “I’m going to the common room.”
“No.” Kaico’s hand curled around Harry’s wrist and led him back to his bed, sitting him down, all the while keeping eye contact with that dangerous glint in his eyes.
“Did you or did you not see an antique box under my bed?”
“What”
“Just answer the goddamn question D.otter.”
“No! I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh fuck.” Kaico cussed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He kicked the bundle of clothes at his foot and let out a loud battle cry.
Harry cringed and bit his lip. “Why, what’s wrong?”
“Hyukdemort’s cum is in there.”
Harry stared wide-eyed at him. “Excuse me, but what”
“HYUKDEMORT’SCUMISINTHERE”
“I’m sorry, come again?”
“HYUKDEMORT’S CUM IS IN THAT FUCKING BOX GODDAMIT ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?”
“Oh well I’m sorry for clarifying that because IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS RIGHT IN THE WORLD WHY DO YOU HAVE HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED’S CUM IN YOUR BOX? AND OF ALL SHIT YOU COULD TAKE, YOU GOT THE CUM. WHY. JUST WHYY. THAT’S JUST SICK MAN.”
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT’S MY DAD’S COLLECTION FOR DONGBLEDORE.”
“WHAT”
“OH LET’S JUST LET IT DROP, JESUS.” Kaico was at the verge of pulling all his hairs out because of Harry’s confusion, inarticulateness, and stupidity.
“SO YOU MEAN TO SAY HYUKDEMORT AND DONGBLEDORE HAS A THING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM??? OMG WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO!!” Harry sunk to his knees dramatically and curled himself into a ball, rocking himself back and forth, chanting I am a pretty butterfly I am free and I am not freaked out by all of this to himself again and again. To his uttermost bewilderment and surprise, Kaico chuckled, well, doubled over in laughter.
Harry just stared blankly at him. Kaico was still rolling around on the floor laughing while pointing a finger at him.
“What?” Harry sat, annoyed.
Just then, Luhan and McSehun emerged from the closet and fished out $200 each from their pockets.
“Fuck you man.”
“I am not betting with you or McSehun again!”
Kaico took the money and winked at both of them. Kaico then turned to a very flabbergasted Harry and held out a hand for him.
“FUCK YOU KAICO MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”