Oct 18, 2006 18:22
Fables is extremely good. That said...
Bio Zombie
Lesson I: Don't drink strange cans of pop.
Lesson II: Power tools are effective, so long as you don't get surrounded.
Lesson III: Listen to news warnings before doing anything, really.
The Hills Have Eyes
Lesson I: Keep your dogs on a leash. There's no telling what could happen if you let them run free.
Lesson II: Baby's fat. Fat and juicy.
Lesson III: Don't stray off the map. It will usually end with horrific death and dismemberment.
Willard
Lesson I: The creepy, quiet guy is probably the last person you want to piss off.
Lesson II: Ben is not your friend.
Lesson III: Wih great power comes great responsibility. This is especially true when training an army of rats to do your bidding.
Freddy vs. Jason
Lesson I: Goalies are inherently pissed off people, so it's best to stay away from them altogether.
Lesson II: While insulting psychotic dream demons, be aware of your surrounding. You never know when a hulking superhuman zombie will sneak up on you
Lesson III: Sometimes, the past is best left unremembered.
Terror Train
Lesson I: Playing pranks involving nerds and corpses is rarely a good idea.
Lesson II: Make sure you know who's under the mask before you say or do anything. You never know when someone else wore the same costume, or killed your friend and stole thier costume as part of a complicated mass murder.
Lesson III: David Copperfield and the company he keeps are not to be trusted, ever.
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Lesson I: Don't be black. It usually ends violently.
Lesson II: That old man stumbling around the graveyard is probably a zombie. Hit him in the head while you still have a chance.
Lesson III: When everything goes the hell, you can always count on gun-toting rednecks to save the day (though if you're black, they'll probably still shoot you on sight).
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Lesson I: Don't be black. It usually ends with you bleeding to death in the basement.
Lesson II: Some things are better if they end about ten minutes earlier, with some bitter irony and uncertainty.
Lesson III: It doesn't matter if you hide in the attic or the basement, some angry woman will probably shoot you in the head in the end.