If All Goes According To Plan, I'll Have 35 "Lessons"...
The question, of course, becomes how useful they will actually be...
Signs
Lesson I: Mel Gibson will probably just hide out in a basement until the aliens go away, even if he claims to be filled with furious anger.
Lesson II: Aliens are weak against water.
Lesson III: Whatever we figure out, the Japanese probably already did first.
Day of the Dead
Lesson I: Don't trust scientists with frizzy hair or soldiers with Napoleon complexes.
Lesson II: Training zombies to use guns probably isn't as good an idea as it seemed at the time.
Lesson III: Don't taunt the zombies.
Deep Blue Sea
Lesson I: When giving rousing speeches, make sure you aren't standing near any large pools of water.
Lesson II: L.L. Cool J is probably unkillable.
Lesson III: Don't genetically engineer sharks to be hyper-intelligent, especially not in underwater labs.
Event Horizon
Lesson I: If a ship goes in a black hole, then suddenly comes back, it should probably just be destroyed on sight.
Lesson II: Prolonged exposure to Chaos and/or Hell is bad for the skin.
Lesson III: In space, people can hear you scream, and fire looks really cool.
Land of the Dead
Lesson I: Sometimes all you need to take over a city is a good leader to show the way.
Lesson II: Be careful who you trust with the keys to your car.
Lesson III: Make sure your subordinates are well paid and treated, lest rebellion occur.
The Ring
Lesson I: Stay away from unmarked video tapes. A scary curse might be the least of your worries...
Lesson II: If you find yourself cursed, don't go showing the video to everyone else.
Lesson III: Make sure you have a psychic boyfriend, so he can give you useful messages from beyond the grave, even if they're in Japanese.
House of Wax
Lesson I: Fire and wax don't mix.
Lesson II: Vincent Price is already creepy and insane. Burning his face off just makes him angry.
Lesson III: Paris Hilton must die!
Signs
Lesson I: Mel Gibson will probably just hide out in a basement until the aliens go away, even if he claims to be filled with furious anger.
Lesson II: Aliens are weak against water.
Lesson III: Whatever we figure out, the Japanese probably already did first.
Day of the Dead
Lesson I: Don't trust scientists with frizzy hair or soldiers with Napoleon complexes.
Lesson II: Training zombies to use guns probably isn't as good an idea as it seemed at the time.
Lesson III: Don't taunt the zombies.
Deep Blue Sea
Lesson I: When giving rousing speeches, make sure you aren't standing near any large pools of water.
Lesson II: L.L. Cool J is probably unkillable.
Lesson III: Don't genetically engineer sharks to be hyper-intelligent, especially not in underwater labs.
Event Horizon
Lesson I: If a ship goes in a black hole, then suddenly comes back, it should probably just be destroyed on sight.
Lesson II: Prolonged exposure to Chaos and/or Hell is bad for the skin.
Lesson III: In space, people can hear you scream, and fire looks really cool.
Land of the Dead
Lesson I: Sometimes all you need to take over a city is a good leader to show the way.
Lesson II: Be careful who you trust with the keys to your car.
Lesson III: Make sure your subordinates are well paid and treated, lest rebellion occur.
The Ring
Lesson I: Stay away from unmarked video tapes. A scary curse might be the least of your worries...
Lesson II: If you find yourself cursed, don't go showing the video to everyone else.
Lesson III: Make sure you have a psychic boyfriend, so he can give you useful messages from beyond the grave, even if they're in Japanese.
House of Wax
Lesson I: Fire and wax don't mix.
Lesson II: Vincent Price is already creepy and insane. Burning his face off just makes him angry.
Lesson III: Paris Hilton must die!