I'm big black & violent, I should sell crack
Right now it is fucking 2:57 am. It's 42 degrees outisde my apartment. I just got done watching my favorite movie with Julian for the first time "Coming to America". So Greetings royal citizens of Zamunda!!! Why am I up? That's a damn good question you brilliant mind you. Hmmm I just woke up because an Arab named Julian taps me on my shoulder, and I was ready to fight him, because we're due at work in precisely 5 hours.... and I need some fucking sleep!!!! "SHE" just left the apartment, seems like 20 minutes ago, but it was like 3 hours ago. And he wakes me up, Arab and all, talking some non-sense about Amy this and Amy that... I wanted to punch him in his damn face (forgive my language at this moment, I am not my usual articulate self due to my lack of sleep, you all know how cranky i get when i'm sleep deprived) He's in there talking to her right now, and I thought we'd cured all of this with the damn Jedi training?!?! I mean i know I'm biased just a little bit, due to the current "women are bitches" cloud hanging over my head (thanks britt, and even more thanks to my man chad) BUT!!! Son of a Bitch?!?!?! breathe...If he gets back together with her, I'm officially gonna start meds with you Cassie. So I was just trying to fall back asleep in his bed, while he's pacing the damn floor, tell'n me stuff, and I'm passed out until he starts reading this shit below, and I was so wide awake... Cause live'n with Josh has taught me to smell shit right after it leaves your ass-hole...and all the way from B-town "I can smell her ass burn'n"... So anyways, this it posted in his LJ from AMY and since he woke me up to read it to me, I figured the views of Zamunda should know what the hell I'm awake for... Damn it, shoot me:
Dear Joe, ( i added that part for formailty sake)
I was kidding myself when I thought that maybe you would forgive me. I was kidding myself when I said I was over you. I was kidding myself when I thought that another guy could fill the void that you left in my heart. I was wrong to do what I did. I am a horrible person for hurting you. I never loved him, I was hurt and mad so I said something to hurt you. It was wrong and I hate myself for that. I hate everything here, it all reminds me of you. I guess sleeping with him was a revenge at you and megan, but I didn't use him for that. I never wanted you to feel the type of pain that I went through. Especially because I caused it. I still love you and I wish you could find it in your heart of hearts to forgive me. I forgave you for the megan thing, but I guess thats not the same. I think about you everyday and I just wish we could talk. I'll even come up there if you want. But I don't want to get in the way of "her". I hope you are happy and I don't want to ruin anything good that you have right now. I just want to talk. I want to know that your ok. Please, call me. E-mail me. I don't care, just talk to me once, and I'll leave you alone forever if thats what you want. I'm so sorry for hurting you Joe. I love you more and more everyday. You were right, about everything. I am a horrible person. I didn't know what I was doing. I can't even imagine what I've put you through. I just want to set things straight. The whole truth, no lies, no hurtful words.. please. I know you don't owe me anything, but just this once please. I know deep down that you really hate me and I can't handle that. I want to hear your voice. The last time we talked I said some mean things. I want to take back alot, but I can't. I regret being such a bitch to you. Give me the chance to make that right. I read your letters and look at our pictures and it makes me cry. I threw away something amazing. I'm not asking for you back or even your forgiveness. I just want you to realize that I'm not a cold hearted person and I do care for you, please just call me. please.
Your Princess
PS: Matt without sleep is like Cassie with liquor, subject to the fantasies and anger that dwells within. I am tired, and while i am always conscious of what I'm saying, when I'm sleepy, I don't think about what it actually sounds like. I wonder how all of this will read out to me 12 hours from now... and I wonder if there's anyone else online that I can talk to cause i can't fucking go to sleep...awfeoiajweoifjawoifiawfewefioj29hy-29hy35-92h6053h8hreghfdgbaopth83409qhg9;oinht89p3h4 9h89q89wh The royal penius is clean your highness!!!!