This post brought to you by lots of gratuity and bitchiness.: youcallitwinter

youcallitwinter

This post brought to you by lots of gratuity and bitchiness.

Sep 15, 2011 00:52

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN.

On title-- EXHIBIT A:

I totally won't be looking through my flist tomorrow because the stupid time difference sucks and I have no will-power and can never resist spoilers.

SO LAST DAY OF WHINING BEFORE THE SQUEE COMMENCES: FIC PEEVES.

I honestly don't read much fic for TVD which is surprising for me, because I'm totally a fic person; the first thing I do on watching a new show is look for fanfic. Occasionally, I watch new shows only because I have nothing to read, not even kidding.

However, TVD is…extraordinary in that respect. It has a lot of fic, but I don’t know if I’m just incredibly, horribly picky or something because very little of it seems to suit my taste. And characterization, dear god, I get that its fanfiction and that people are free to write characters however they want, but if they weren’t going to bother with characterization at all, why not just write something original instead? Or create OC’s or something?

Also, Damon/Elena gets the worst sort of fan-wank and I can’t help thinking most of it is generated because of Ian Somerhalder’s Face. The only reason the fic was written at all was because the author Elena deserves to be with Damon. Or rather Damon deserves to get what he wants because he’s pretty sad and flawless. There’s that little thing about him being an occasionally going psychotic and murdering things in sight, but he’s hot broken, so you must give him that leeway.

The Gospel According To Damon/Elena Fic Writers.

1. Elena has always been in love with Damon. ALWAYS. TVD Canon: getting things incredibly wrong since 2009.

2. Damon is beautiful in the way that can’t be described in less than five thousand words. Also, it's awesome if he totally carries out all his sexual advances without asking first because have you seen his face? that is the mark of a real man.

3. Damon wanders through the house naked all the time because then the author can spend the next thousand words writing an essay on his incredible figure. (Also, wow, look something canon finally got right in the third season promo.)

4. Damon and Elena will have a baby sometime in the future because they are special snowflakes and don’t have to stick to stuff like Logic. Character and development and fine words on their own, but then you put them together and they just don’t make sense anymore.

5. Damon is the kind of guy to make Epic Love Speeches every three sentences. Also, Elena totally put vervain in her tea/bathed in vervain/swallowed a fly that had been sitting on the plant in that one episode where Damon confessed his love.

6. Caroline is, like, a total slut because she slept with Damon and totally, like, asked for it. Elena would never do that. She shall resist for the next twenty words.

7. Damon calls Elena ‘kitten’ because it is sweet and romantic and exactly what the author Elena has always wished someone would call her.

8. Edward Damon has waited a hundred and eleventeen odd years to make love to someone, earlier it was just totally, like, fucking.

9. Elena is a virgin. Also, Damon and Elena will cry out each others’ names at the top of their voices while riding out their simultaneous orgasms the first time they do it. And it’s incredible and involves, like, clits and stuff.

10. What other guy? Oh wait, yeah, there’s someone called Stephan/Stephen something, but he shall die within the next three hundred words so don’t get too attached.

Also, what I always find incredibly annoying in fic is when the third party in a ‘triangle’ or whatever is vilified to make the ship seem more legitimate (like Elena in Damon/Caroline fics, Stefan in Damon/Elena fics, etc, etc). I think that’s just incredibly stupid because all it serves to do is to make it seem as if the ship can’t possibly happen unless the third party is evil/bitchy/whatever. That’s just reducing the impact of your own ship.

Also, anachronistic references/language in period fics or someone attempting to write Elijah and saying “you’re so cute”. WTF, NO.

Basically, I’m a bitch. But, seriously, are we even watching the same thing?

SO, LAST DAY GIFSPAM.