Holding on, holding out for me for kurobaa [2/3]
Minseok picks him up at six and drives them both to a nice place tucked into an alley just off a busy street. Minseok seems to know the area well as he leads them up the stairs of a seemingly plain building and into a beautifully lit small restaurant. They get seated by the window and have a view overlooking the activity below. There’s people standing in the doorways of shops, calling out special deals, and carts are set up on the sidewalk with small trinkets and street food for sale. The sun’s beginning to set and casts an orangey glow on the buildings around them and Chanyeol feels like this date is already perfect.
“How did you find a place like this?” Chanyeol asks after their orders have been taken.
Minseok smiles and glances out the window. “I work for a consulting firm and specialize in cafe start-ups, so I’m always poking around places and trying to find ideal locations. Coffee shops are really trendy right now and there are a lot of young people these days who want to start their own businesses. Basically, if someone decides they want to open a cafe but don’t know where to begin, they hire me to help them through it. I help them make contracts with suppliers, set up the building and train the staff. It’s a lot of fun!” He leans forward and stage whispers. “And I get free coffee for life at all of them!”
Chanyeol learns that Minseok practically sparkles when talking about coffee and he keeps asking more questions that he never hears the answers to because Minseok’s eyes are distracting when he’s excited. He’s the type to maintain eye contact and Chanyeol loves having a reason to blatantly stare at him. The way the warm tones from the window settle across his face makes Chanyeol want to take a picture so he could remember this forever.
Minseok asks him about school and is encouraging when Chanyeol talks about possibly exploring conducting as a career. “If you love something, then why not go after it?”
They both make a grab for the bill when it comes but Minseok pries it out of his hands. “You can get it next time.” Chanyeol makes no attempts to argue and when Minseok raises his eyebrows in question at the big smile on Chanyeol’s face, he only shakes his head. There’ll be many next times, he thinks as he follows Minseok down the stairs and out into the night.
The streetlight above them is slightly dim, but the shop lights around the corner are shining brightly and they both stand there taking in the sounds. Chanyeol doesn’t want the night to end just yet and thinks it might be fun to walk along the street, but when he turns to suggest it he finds Minseok biting his lip and staring at his car. There’s a small punch of disappointment to his stomach. Maybe Minseok is the type to take things slow. After all, Chanyeol had kind of barged into his life with no warning. He sighs and decides to dial his enthusiasm back a bit. Minseok had said there’d be a next time anyway.
Just as he moves towards the car, Minseok tugs on the sleeve of his blazer. “Hey, do you want to go see the first cafe I helped set up?”
“Absolutely!”
Minseok’s smile is priceless and he loops his arm through Chanyeol’s as he pulls him away from the car. “It’s not very far from here.” It could be miles away and Chanyeol would be more than happy to walk there, but he smiles and simply nods.
With September ending, the temperature begins to drop after sunset. Chanyeol internally debates for a while and decides to untangle Minseok’s arm from his, threading their fingers together instead and pressing him close to his side to keep him warm as they navigate through the late night crowd. He doesn’t have to look down to tell that Minseok’s smiling because his hand gets a slight squeeze, as if to say, I like this. Some of the street carts have fairy lights twinkling around them and Chanyeol thinks his mother was right all those years ago, that this moment here with Minseok is absolutely beautiful.
The cafe is really pretty close by and Chanyeol ducks into the front door behind Minseok, reluctantly letting their hands fall apart. It’s cozy, with bright lights and colors inside to match the liveliness outside its doors and upbeat music plays quietly in the background.
“Minseok!” There’s a loud call and someone comes out from behind the counter. Minseok meets him halfway and gets swallowed up by a hug (too long of a hug by Chanyeol’s measurements), arms staying around each other’s shoulders even when they break apart. Chanyeol awkwardly walks over to stand by them, hands itching to pull Minseok back to his side.
“Ah, Chanyeol, this is Luhan. Luhan, this is Chanyeol.” Minseok introduces the two.
Luhan gives him a once-over and turns back to Minseok with surprise. “I thought you were joking about him!” Chanyeol laughs awkwardly, halfway between elation that Minseok was talking about him to other people and dread that it might not have been good things. His mother hadn’t said nice things about his father when they first met though, so maybe he shared his father’s misfortune.
“Luhan!” Minseok pushes him away and walks over to grab Chanyeol’s hand. “Nevemind, I don’t want you to meet him. We’re going to get coffee and continue our date in peace.” He pulls Chanyeol in the direction of the counter as Luhan laughs behind them, and looks up unsurely. “It was nothing bad, I swear.”
“It’s okay. I mean, we did have a weird first meeting so I get how it could be a little unbelievable.” They’re on a date now and that’s all that matters. Chanyeol smiles and swings their arms playfully.
“Yeah, you with brownie coming out of your mouth. Didn’t exactly sweep me off my feet.”
His ears seem to burn a lot around Minseok.
“It didn’t help that I had just spent twenty minutes watching this really hot conductor on stage. I think half of the moms were filming him instead of their kids.”
“Th-they were not!”
“I could see their camera screens! You were just too into your music to notice. It was cute. If he hadn’t won me over first then you might have stood a chance.”
“Ahem.”
Minseok colors a little and smiles sheepishly at the barista. “What do you want to drink? Everything’s free, remember?”
Chanyeol’s still reeling from Minseok talking to Luhan about him, from Minseok noticing him on stage, so he shrugs and says, “I don’t know. Pick whatever you think is the best.”
“Sehun makes really nice latte art.” Minseok says and points a thumb in the direction of the barista, who preens a little at the compliment.
“Alright. Sounds good.”
Minseok orders an Americano for himself and takes the buzzer Sehun gives them to a table near the window. “It’s nice to see this place full.”
Chanyeol looks around at the cafe as he nods. “It really fits in well with the location. You did a really great job.”
“Thanks.” Minseok ducks his head down and tries to hide a pleased smile. “Luhan’s my friend from college. He wanted to open a cafe and since I had just joined the company, this became my first project. Neither of us knew what we were doing and it was really kind of a mess, but I like coming back here and seeing how well everything came together in the end. They’re thinking about opening another location but that’s a year or two off still.”
“Sounds like you have some location hunting to do.”
“Yeah, we… hold that thought.” Minseok interrupts himself when the buzzer lights up and he goes to retrieve their drinks.
Chanyeol’s latte has a cute bear drawn in it with the milk and he coos a little at it. “I don’t want to drink it.”
“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Minseok chants softly and grins at the pained look Chanyeol gives him as he takes a sip. “Good?”
“Very good.” He says, and gives a thumbs up at Sehun since he’s been watching to see Chanyeol’s reaction.
“Anyway, location hunting is a lot of fun. We spent so many nights coming to this area to scout it out. We’ve been in every single shop here.” Minseok takes a sip of his drink and makes a pleased sound. “Ah, except that restaurant. It only opened a few months ago and I’ve been wanting to go there. It was really nice. I wouldn’t mind going back there someday.” Minseok’s eyes meet Chanyeol’s and he understands the implication there. He feels warm inside and not because of the latte.
They stay a while longer at the cafe, finishing their drinks and talking. When they’re back outside, Minseok doesn’t waste any time grabbing hold of Chanyeol’s hand and walking closely alongside him back to the car. It’s easy being around Minseok and Chanyeol gives his hand a small squeeze, saying, I like this a lot.
Minseok texts him late one night while he’s holed up in a practice room, working on a song he has to present in a couple of weeks for a class. They’d gone to dinner a couple more times but then Minseok got a new client and had been busy all week. It worked out well though, because Chanyeol found himself overflowing with inspiration and had no troubles in making the song come together. He’s so pleased with it even, that he tells Minseok to stop by for a listen.
“Hey!” Minseok walks in with two coffees in his hands. “Brought you something.”
Chanyeol takes one from him and takes a sip before patting a spot next to him on the piano bench. “Thanks. Have a seat. Are you ready to be amazed?” Minseok nods and looks so cute holding his to-go cup up to his mouth, smile peeking out around the edges, that Chanyeol nearly starts with his fingers on the wrong keys. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath as he realigns them, suddenly feeling nervous with Minseok’s eyes on him. The song starts off slow and light, with his fingers skimming the surface of the keys. It doesn’t take him long to lose himself in it though, eyes closing from time to time as he plays from memory, thinking of all that he’s been feeling this week. There’s a sense of anticipation in the melody that grows stronger and stronger as the song progresses and by the time he reaches the final notes, he feels like everything, all the waiting and wondering, has really led him to this moment, sitting here on the bench with Minseok.
He turns to look at Minseok as the sound fades away and finds him with a grin on his face, hands now coffee-less and clapping loudly. “That was beautiful!”
“I really, really like you.”
Minseok blinks at the sudden confession and Chanyeol can’t hold himself back, one hand going behind Minseok’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss. There’s a soft, “Oh,” that spills out from Minseok, and then he’s kissing back and that’s all Chanyeol needs to hear. He moves his hand to cup Minseok’s cheek, the other coming up to do the same, and his thumbs brush back and forth against the smooth skin as he loses himself in the moment. This feels right, their lips parting and coming back together and Minseok’s hands gripping his waist. He pulls away slowly and takes in the sight of the other’s flushed cheeks and parted lips. It’s a sight that only he gets to see from now on and he hopes Minseok can see the adoration in his eyes.
He smiles softly and says reluctantly, “It’s late. You should probably go and get some sleep. You’d had a long week.”
Minseok nods and reaches up to take one of Chanyeol’s hands off his cheek, pulling him up off the bench with him. Chanyeol lets go to pack up his things into his backpack and Minseok hands him his coffee when he’s ready. Coffee in one hand and Minseok’s in the other, they leave the building and walk to the parking lot where Minseok had left his car.
“If you’re free tomorrow night, do you want to come hang out with me for a little while at the new cafe?” Minseok asks as he sets his coffee on top of the car and unlocks the door.
“Just hang out?” Chanyeol smiles a bit slyly and Minseok narrows his eyes before reaching out to grab his free arm, pulling him flush against him, his own back arched against the car.
“Mostly hang out.” Minseok corrects himself and pulls on the straps of Chanyeol’s backpack to tug him down for another kiss. Chanyeol almost forgets about the coffee he’s holding and then promptly drops it when Minseok’s tongue works its way into his mouth. His hands find their way to Minseok’s hips and inch their way under his shirt as their tongues swirl together. He can feel Minseok shiver against him as he runs his hands up and down the skin and he really, really likes the way Minseok is trying to pull him closer than physically possible, as if they could actually just melt into each other. Minseok pulls away first, staying close enough though that their noses are brushing and they can feel each other’s breath. “That song was really beautiful, and you kind of are, too.”
Chanyeol smiles and says, “I know.” He leans forward to give him a quick peck, then picks up his now empty to-go cup and steps back. “You’re kind of beautiful, too. Good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night.” Minseok grabs his coffee from the roof and turns to give him one last smile before disappearing into the car.
Chanyeol waits until the car is gone before pulling his phone out and shooting off a text to Baekhyun as he walks towards his apartment.
FROM: CHANYEOL
Minseok is a really good kisser. We’re definitely meant to be.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Did birds and angels sing?
FROM: CHANYEOL
No, but my heart sang~
FROM: BAEKHYUN
OMG you’re so stupid.
FROM: CHANYEOL
♥
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Hey don’t forget Jongdae’s musical opens this weekend.
FROM: CHANYEOL
Shit I forgot.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
I figured.
You’ve gone to Planet Minseok and forgotten about the rest of us.
FROM: CHANYEOL
ㅠㅠ sorry.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Kyungsoo says you’re an ass and we don’t need you.
I was always his favorite anyway.
FROM: CHANYEOL
You could never be his favorite.
Don’t you notice he always sits furthest away from you?
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Lies, he’s standing next to me right now.
He’s even letting me hold onto his arm.
Look at how much better life is without you.
FROM: CHANYEOL
ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ┌┛Σ(ノ´Д`)ノ
FROM: BAEKHYUN
˚‧º•(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º•
We’re buying tickets for Saturday’s show rn. You coming?
FROM: CHANYEOL
Can I bring Minseok?
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Of course!
FROM: CHANYEOL
(~˘▾˘)~
Later on as he’s lying on the couch and staring at an empty to-go cup, he thinks that he’s starting to fall really fast. His phone buzzes and there’s a picture of Minseok tucked into bed with the sheets up to his nose and a simple goodnight attached to it. Chanyeol sends one back, half of his face pressed into the pillow and a lazy smile in place.
Yes, he’s falling really fast.
“I really wasn’t expecting him to be there. I mean, he hasn’t come to see any of the practices since he split the kids in two and gave me the older ones. He just walked in and stood by the door the whole time. I was scared he was giving me a test or something.” Chanyeol pauses in his story as his fingers get tripped up between chords on the guitar. He hopes Minseok didn’t hear that through the phone. “But it turns out he just wanted to ask if I was going to keep conducting after I graduate! I told him I was thinking about continuing on to a master’s degree. He said he was going to retire soon and if I wanted to take over for the entire youth choir, then I’d be his first choice. I kind of want to but I don’t know if it’ll be too much doing the master’s program and having two groups of kids to work with. But I really like being with the kids. What do you think I should do? Minseok? Are you still there?” He sits up on the couch and checks his phone since it’s been quiet for a while.
“Hmm? No, I’m still here. That’s great news.”
Chanyeol pouts and hugs the guitar to his chest. “You’re not listening to me, are you?”
“Sorry.” Minseok’s sigh sounds heavy and Chanyeol’s torn between feeling guilty for causing it or feeling put out for receiving it. “I just have a lot on my mind at the moment and it’s stressing me out.”
“Oh. The cafe stuff?”
“Something like that. What were you saying again? I promise I’ll listen this time.”
Chanyeol doesn’t really feel like starting over again (it was just idle talk really; he’d hoped that he and Minseok could tell each other about their days like most couples do) so he changes the subject. “Are you going to be busy Saturday night? My friend’s musical opens this weekend and all of my friends are going. I’d really like them to meet you.”
“Saturday?” Minseok goes silent again and Chanyeol holds in a breath, feeling a little bit nervous that Minseok might not want to meet them. “Okay, that sounds like fun.”
Chanyeol whoops and when he hears Minseok chuckling through the phone, he leans his head back and smiles. He hopes that a night out will help Minseok relax a little, and if it doesn’t, then he’s prepared with cuddles and kisses.
When Baekhyun had brought Yifan to meet the group, she had walked in beaming from head to toe and Chanyeol had never been so envious of something in his life. So on Saturday, Chanyeol basks in his moment and proudly holds Minseok’s hand as he navigates through the row to their seats. Kyungsoo’s sitting on the other side of Yifan (Chanyeol and Baekhyun always get dirty looks for their whispering commentary and Kyungsoo finds it embarrassing, or something, but that was before Minseok and Chanyeol’s a changed man now), so Chanyeol slides into the empty seat next to Baekhyun.
“Guys, this is Minseok. Minseok, this is Baekhyun and Yifan and Kyungsoo.”
Minseok pops out from behind his shoulder and gives them all a small wave and a, “Hi. Nice to meet you all.”
Chanyeol’s long torso means that Minseok’s head is at shoulder level. How long into the musical does he have to wait to put his arm around Minseok? Can he do it right away or is there a customary ten, twenty minute wait time? Does he have to wait until after the intermission when the musical begins to reach its climax for it to not seem weird or clingy? They’ve only been on a few dates and there was some brief making out in the break room when Chanyeol visited Minseok at his new cafe, but they haven’t really established a touchy type of relationship just yet. Maybe it can start tonight.
There’s a sharp pinch on his arm and Baekhyun’s making a face at him when he turns to look. “I said, are we taking bets on how many times they say ‘Arr’ in this thing? Person closest to the number wins.”
Jongdae’s musical is about pirates and was written by one of the graduate students, who seemed to include every popular stereotype about pirates there was. When practices first began, Jongdae had started wearing an eye patch around to get used to seeing out of only one eye and it had been kind of fun to tap his shoulder and watch him have to spin all the way around to see who had done it. There had also been “Arr!” interjected into every few sentences, but that hadn’t been as much fun.
“Definitely. I’m going to go with an even one hundred.”
Baekhyun takes a pen out of her purse and pulls Yifan’s arm across her lap, writing onto it - CY: 100. Yifan opens his mouth to protest but Baekhyun quickly looks up at him with puppy eyes and he only sighs and says, “Put me down for fifty.”
“Perfect. Minseok?”
Minseok looks at the numbers, then at Chanyeol, before finally giving a sly smile to Baekhyun. “I’m guessing one hundred and one.”
“Ninety-nine for me!”
“What? You can’t, that’s not fair!” Chanyeol tries to grab the pen out of Baekhyun’s hand but she leans far over Yifan and writes the final two numbers on his arm. He huffs and crosses his arms unhappily, slouching in his seat like a child. “We’re never hanging out together again. Never!”
Minseok pets his hair as if to placate him. “Don’t say that. I’ll share my prize with you if I win. What is the prize anyway?”
“Glory.” Chanyeol and Baekhyun say together.
“Okay, then I’ll just make up a prize to give you if I win.” Minseok leans over and gives Chanyeol a quick kiss on the cheek. It makes Chanyeol’s heart stutter (Minseok gave him a kiss in front of his friends, Minseok’s going to give him a prize later) and he tries to act nonchalant as he straightens up and acts like he was never upset at them both.
“Whipped.” Baekhyun murmurs and he pretends to not hear it.
The lights go off and he decides he doesn’t need to wait until intermission to put his arm around Minseok, letting it drape around his shoulders and watching the stage curtain go up with a smile on his face when Minseok rests comfortably against him. Jongdae’s first appearance is in the second scene and Chanyeol leans close to Minseok to point him out. “The one singing to the monkey is Jongdae.” Minseok tenses up under his arm and Chanyeol brushes his thumb back and forth on his shoulder to ease it out. He forgot he’s not good at whispering quietly.
“Jongdae? Is that your friend?”
“Yep, though I’m not exactly proud to admit to it right now, but I swear, later on he has a sword fight and looks a little cooler.” Minseok nods his head and stays quiet for the rest of the musical.
Every time Jongdae has a line about love, Baekhyun makes a comment under her breath about monkeys and it takes all of the control Chanyeol possesses to hold back his laughter. He shakes from time to time from the pressure and his lip is nearly bruised from biting it, but he doesn’t want to look immature in front of Minseok. Having a soulmate means he’s growing up and entering a new phase in life, and he should act the part.
In all, “Arr!” is only said eighty times and Yifan’s arm is littered with tally marks by the time the musical is over and they’re walking backstage to meet Jongdae. It’s crowded but Jongdae’s voice is easy to pick out. Kyungsoo hands him a small bouquet of flowers (flowers for Jongdae and Baekhyun, cookie-stuffed brownies for Chanyeol - he’s a softy, really) and Jongdae grins as he stands in front of them all. He’s still wearing his pirate patch but it’s flipped up onto his forehead so he can see out of both eyes again.
“How was it? I was the best, right?” He’s poking Yifan’s arm as he talks and the taller man grabs Baekhyun’s shoulders and switches places with her.
“The monkey was the best. The way it had to suffer through each scene with you really made my heart ache.” Baekhyun says and gets pulled into a bone crunching hug that has her making an ugly face.
“Aww I’m so glad you came to see it, Baek. It means so much to me!”
Chanyeol reaches into his pocket to grab his phone to take a picture of Baekhyun’s face and notices Minseok standing partially behind him. “Ah, I almost forgot.” He puts his arm around Minseok and pulls him against his side. “Jongdae, this is Minseok. Minseok, Jongdae.”
“Minseok?” Jongdae looks up from torturing Baekhyun and glances between the two of them with surprise. “Your soulmate?”
Chanyeol nods proudly. “Yep! I told you I had my dream. I wasn’t making it up, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I wasn’t!” Jongdae lets go of Baekhyun and laughs awkwardly as he looks at Minseok. “Hi, nice to meet you. Sorry you had to suffer through the musical with the two of them.”
Minseok smiles a little. “They weren’t a problem. The musical was really good too.”
“The three of them,” Chanyeol gestures to Jongdae, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. “Are all theater majors. They feel the need to be flashy and show off in fancy costumes and poetic lines.”
“Says the person who kept stealing my sword and wanted to wear my pirate hat around when I would practice. Anyway, I’m starving.” Jongdae pats his stomach. “Do you guys want to get something to eat after I change back into a normal person?”
Chanyeol is about to agree along with the others but Minseok tugs on his sleeve and shakes his head at him. “I think we’re going to skip dinner, but we’ll walk out with you guys.”
“Sorry.” Minseok apologizes when Jongdae leaves and they move to stand by a wall so they’re out of the way.
“It’s okay.” Chanyeol gives him a smile, even though he’s a little disappointed. “Did you have a good time at least? They weren’t too much, were they?”
“No, it’s just…“ Minseok looks like he’s struggling to find the right words and settles for a shrug. “It’s a lot to take in in one night.”
Chanyeol nods, because he gets it. He probably would have felt nervous meeting Minseok’s family if he hadn’t already known them, and Luhan if it had been a different setting. “If it helps, I think they all like you a lot.”
“I’m glad.”
It’s dark and chilly outside when they leave the building. Baekhyun’s trying to get Yifan to carry her back to the car, and Chanyeol and Kyungsoo tease him when he bends down for her to get on his back. It’s not even that far and she’s wearing sneakers. He laughs when Baekhyun sticks her tongue out at them, finally taller than him for once perched on Yifan’s back, and he turns to look for Minseok. He sees him tagging along behind them, talking to Jongdae, and it makes him smile to see Minseok getting along with his friends. This is what he’d wanted, another member added to their little group, a person sitting in the chair next to him at dinners and get-togethers.
“Jongdae’s a good friend.”
“Wh-what?” Minseok stutters and looks over at him as he pulls the car out of the parking lot.
“I mean, I want my friends to be your friends too. Baekhyun’s a little too much sometimes, and Kyungsoo’s slow to warm up to people, but Jongdae’s nice to be around and is friendly to everyone. So if you feel awkward around the other two, then I hope you’ll at least get to be friends with him. And, likewise, I want to be friends with Luhan.”
“Sure. Luhan’s my closest friend really, but Sehun’s also a friend. And Junmyeon, Jongin, and Tao.”
Chanyeol blinks because he’s never even heard Minseok mention the others. Actually, he’s never really heard Minseok talk about much other than coffee and work. He doesn’t know anything about his school years, childhood, what makes him cry, what made him choose his career, or if Chanyeol was his first or second or fifth kiss. All he knows is that Minseok’s eyes sparkle when he talks about his job, and that his hands get swallowed up by Chanyeol’s when they’re twined together, and he smells like peppermint whenever he’s in Chanyeol’s arms. It doesn’t seem like enough, but it’s a start, he guesses. His list might be short right now, but he’s determined to fill it up with anything and everything there is to know about Minseok.
When they pull up to his building, he bites his lip and glances over at Minseok. He’s staring at the steering wheel, deep in thought, and Chanyeol thinks he should put Plan B (cuddles and kisses and, just amended, lots of talking) into action. “Do you want to come up for a little while?”
“No.” Minseok shakes his head. “I think I’m just going to head home.”
“You sure? We could watch a movie, or I could give you a massage if you’re tired, or we can even just talk if you feel like that instead. I want to hear about your friends.”
“Maybe some other time.”
Plan B goes up in a puff of imaginary smoke. The rejection stings a little. “Okay, I guess I’ll talk to you later then?”
Minseok nods his head and then gives him a small smile, as if it was an afterthought, and there’s nothing else Chanyeol can do except watch Minseok drive away.
Chanyeol’s not used to the emotional part of a relationship. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo never hesitate to tell him if he’s gone too far or crossed a line, and Jongdae’s usually there crossing over it with him. They laugh more often than they cry and he never has to think about what they’re feeling because they don’t hide it. He, himself, is an open book and leaves his emotions on display more often than he probably should.
So when Minseok begins to reply to his texts less frequently and is quiet whenever he calls, Chanyeol doesn’t really know what to do. Minseok insists he’s fine but Chanyeol feels like there’s suddenly a big gap between them and he’s struggling to keep a hold on Minseok over it. He doesn’t really understand how they went from snuggling together watching the musical to silent phones, but it almost seems intentional on Minseok’s part and Chanyeol doesn’t know why he’s being left out of the loop. They’re supposed to be able to lean on each other.
It keeps him up late at night, tossing from one side to the other, unable to sleep because it feels like there’s something wrong and he doesn’t know what it is. He rolls onto his back and looks out his bedroom window. It’s a clear night and despite the lights from the buildings around his, the moon is shining bright at him. Chanyeol wants to ask if it can look inside Minseok’s window and see if he’s alright, if anything’s troubling him, if Chanyeol’s done something to upset him. He wants to know that everything’s okay and he has no reasons to worry.
He takes a picture of the moon and sends it with a short miss you and wakes up to no reply.
Chanyeol’s walking back from practice late at night, movements slow and heavy because he hasn’t heard from Minseok at all for three days, nor did he show up for choir practice. Soomin had said she didn’t know where Minseok was when he asked and left with her mother. He’d tried replaying the last week over and over again to see if there was something he might have said or done. When that failed, he tried to go through it with Baekhyun but that ended with her snapping at him and avoiding his calls and texts. Maybe Minseok has the right idea! was the last one he had gotten and that had hurt. He wasn’t used to hearing things like that from her.
He’s pouting by the time he reaches his apartment, feeling like life is giving him the cold shoulder, and almost doesn’t hear Minseok’s voice call out to him.
“Hey!”
He turns and sees Minseok walking over to him from where his car is parked, stopping short just a few feet. “Hey.” Minseok’s making no movements toward him so Chanyeol holds onto the straps of his backpack and stays where he is. “How have you been?”
Minseok gives him a half smile. “Okay, I guess. How about you?”
“I don’t know.” Chanyeol shifts from foot to foot. This, whatever this is, really needs to get resolved. He takes a deep breath. “Have I done something wrong? If I have then I’m really sorry. I just… it seems like you might be avoiding me and I’m not sure why.” Minseok is quiet and Chanyeol’s patience is reaching its limit. “See, you’re doing it again. You’re shutting me out and I’m trying to understand why, but I can’t if you don’t tell me anything.”
“It’s not easy, Chanyeol.” Minseok finally says and he looks so troubled that Chanyeol itches to pull him into his arms. “I’ve tried to think of how to have this conversation but there’s no good way to have it.”
“Then just say it! Just throw it out there so we can fix it!”
Minseok clenches his hands tightly into a ball and looks up at him. “Chanyeol, I had my dream and… and it wasn’t you. It wasn’t you and I don’t know what to do.”
Chanyeol is frozen in place. “What do you mean? I thought-“
“I wanted it to be you. I thought it would be you. You just came into my life out of nowhere and everything was going great. I was really convinced that I had just missed it, or that I would have it eventually and it would be you because I couldn’t imagine it being anyone else. But then I had it and… and it wasn’t you.” His voice starts to shake and Chanyeol wants to halt this entire conversation. “I thought maybe I’d just heard that name somewhere else and it was a random dream but then I met your friends and… Jongdae…”
He has flashes of Minseok and Jongdae walking together and him being happy everyone was getting along and he shakes his head because that can’t be right.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Chanyeol! Jongdae said he dreamt of me too and… and that’s how this whole thing works, isn’t it? You dream of them, and they dream of you, and you’re supposed to be together.”
Together. The word feels like a punch to his stomach. It robs him of breath and rattles his nerves and comes out of nowhere. “But I dreamt of you! I really dreamt of you!”
“I know you did.” Minseok takes one step toward him hesitantly and when Chanyeol drops his head down, Minseok closes the gap between them. He wraps his arms tightly around his waist and Chanyeol buries his face in Minseok’s hair. It smells like peppermint and it’s cruel.
“Why,” Chanyeol starts but has to pause to keep his voice steady. “Why would I dream of you if you weren’t mine?”
“I don’t know, Chanyeol.” Minseok rubs a hand soothingly up and down his back.
Chanyeol’s chin wobbles a bit because Minseok’s comforting him. Minseok’s not telling him it’s okay, not telling him to not worry, that he likes Chanyeol and wants to be with Chanyeol. Minseok’s comforting him as if Chanyeol’s going to fall apart when he pulls away. “You’re choosing him, aren’t you?”
Minseok’s hand stops moving. “Is… is there really a choice to make? I can deny it all I want and hide from it all I want, but in the end, it was me and Jongdae who dreamt of each other. Not you and me. That’s how this works. That’s how it works for everyone else.”
“Everyone but me, apparently.”
“Maybe there’ll be another dream someday. The one you’re supposed to have.”
I don’t want another one. He keeps the thought to himself because Minseok is pulling back and it feels like there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s spent his whole life thinking about the soulmate dreams, asking people about them, and he’s never met someone with a one-sided dream. It’s ironic that he’d be the first, that someone waiting for this and wanting it so bad would dream it alone.
“I’m sorry. If you want to hate me, then I understand. I really, really liked you but I shouldn’t have started anything between us without knowing for sure if I’d overlooked my dream. I just… I really liked you and I never thought something like this would happen.” He closes his mouth and then hesitates before adding, “Please don’t hate Jongdae. He’s worried sick you’ll never speak to him again. He… I…. we won’t do anything unless you’re okay with it. Even if it’s never.”
Chanyeol wants to laugh because he’ll never be okay with it, but what could he even do about it? It was Minseok and Jongdae’s fate to dream about each other, and his mistake to think Minseok was his. He feels cold all over. This all started really because of him and his stupid dream. “I’m the one who came to you, remember? If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.” He puts on a smile because Minseok looks ready to apologize again and he just wants the other man to leave so he could be alone. “Maybe I was just meant to bring you guys together. It’s okay. I mean, this has to be fate, like you said.”
Minseok smiles weakly and takes another step backwards, asking slowly, “I guess I’ll see you around then?”
Chanyeol just nods and watches numbly as Minseok leaves. He hates his dream and wishes he’d never had it.
◄ ►