Holding on, holding out for me for kurobaa [1/3]
For: kurobaa
Title: Holding on, holding out for me
Pairing(s): Chanyeol/Xiumin (feat. girl!Baekhyun/Kris, bff!chinguline)
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): swearing, emoticons, implied sex
Length: ~20000w
Summary: Minseok got his answers and Chanyeol got his dream and lost his heart in-between.
Author's note: Title is from this song, since it was the first thing I thought of when I read the prompt (the whole song fits so well, feelings ;~;). To my recipient - I had angsty intentions but Chanyeol didn’t like them, so this probably isn’t anything like you had imagined. I hope you still enjoy it though.
“Will it happen tonight?” Seven-year-old Park Chanyeol asks from under his blanket, eyes wide and sparkling with hope. “Will it?”
His mother laughs and reaches out to softly tug on his nose. “No, silly. It won’t happen until you’re at least one hundred and eighty centimeters.”
“But that’ll take forever!”
“I guess you’ll just have to be my baby until then.” She smiles and he returns it because, even though he’s already seven, it makes him feel special when she calls him her baby. “You need to learn some patience though. It will happen when the time is right and I promise you it will be worth the wait.”
“I just want to know their name. Then I can be patient and wait. I swear!”
A laugh from her makes the smile slip off Chanyeol’s face. “I know you too well, Park Chanyeol. You’ll be searching the whole city for your soulmate before you’re supposed to meet them. Even if we learn their names in our dreams, it’s still up to fate as to when and where we meet up with them. You can’t force something to happen or else you’ll miss out on the beautiful moment when it does.”
“I think it’ll be beautiful no matter what though.” He says with optimism, but moves on. “Can you tell me about it again, please? About you and Dad, and your soulmate dream?”
She lays down on her side next to him in his bed, one hand tucked under her head and the other draped over his stomach. “I swear, one of these nights it’ll be you telling me the story instead of me telling you. Alright, I was twenty when your great-grandmother started to get frail and needed someone to take care of her. We didn’t have any extra room at home, so I got on the train and went to stay with her. I had been there for about a month when I had my dream. There was this pretty lake where Great-Grandma lived and we would go on small walks there to get her some fresh air. In the dream it was too early in the morning for anyone to be awake, even the sun, but I was sitting down by the water, crying because I felt so horrible. I heard someone call my name suddenly and I wanted to hide so they wouldn’t see me cry, but before I could move there was a hand on my shoulder. It was so warm and strong, and I felt like the sky could fall to the ground in pieces and I would still be safe and protected. I started to turn around and said-“
“Jihoon!”
“-but I woke up before I could see his face.” She sighs while remembering. “It was okay though, because I knew he had to be the most handsome man in the world, with beautiful eyes and a pretty smile. Great-Grandma was so excited when I told her about it and for the next few days she would point out every boy we came across on our walks and say, ‘Maybe that’s him!’ It kind of felt like a game, and I would try to convince her that they weren’t good enough to be him. One afternoon, she pointed at a boy walking ahead of us and said, ‘This boy looks tall and handsome. Maybe that’s him.’ I said, ‘Grandma, look at his ears! He probably looks like a clown!’”
“Mommy!” Chanyeol whimpers and covers his ears with his hands to hide them.
“Shh, I think they’re lovely, baby. Great-Grandma stopped walking and went, ‘Don’t be so fussy, Mikyung!’ I was going to tell her I wasn’t, but I noticed that the boy had stopped walking and was staring at me with this really big smile on his face. I just knew it was him. He said my name and started walking over to us, but I realized that if he’d heard my name then he probably also heard what I had said too. I felt so embarrassed that I turned around and ran all the way home. It was even more embarrassing when I realized I had left Great-Grandma behind and he had to walk her home. I didn’t come out of my room until later that night when I heard a crash in the kitchen. Great-Grandma had tried making some tea to bring to me but she fell and hurt her leg.
“Oh, Chanyeol, I felt so guilty at the hospital. I was supposed to be taking care of her but she got hurt because of me, and I had made a fool of myself in front of your father. When she finally fell asleep, I left the hospital and went to the lake and just cried and cried. I almost didn’t notice your father and I tried to hide when I heard him approaching, but he put his hand on my shoulder and it was just like in my dream. When I turned around, he looked so caring and gentle, and he said, ‘It’s okay, Mikyung. I’m here, so you don’t need to cry anymore.’ I think that even if the soulmate dreams didn’t exist, I still would have fallen in love with him in that moment. We got married within the year and lived with Great-Grandma until she passed away. Then we moved back to the city and had our beautiful baby.”
“And we lived happily ever after.” Chanyeol finishes.
“That’s right.” She leans over to kiss his cheek and then gets up, walking over to the door. “Get some sleep and don’t worry, baby. You’ll have your soulmate dream someday and fall in love and it’ll be everything you wished for.”
“Okay.” He quietly agrees and rolls over onto his side when he hears the door close. The moon is really bright and he thinks of how beautiful it would look if he were sitting by the lake, watching its reflection ripple in the current. Every few years his parents go back there for their anniversary and take him with them, but he’s never been old enough to stay outside too late. Watching it now though, he hopes that when he’s tall enough he can go back there and stay out next to the water until midnight, or even two, and maybe even have someone else sitting there next to him, or in his arms. His toes curl a bit at his silly thoughts and he smiles at the moon before ducking his head under the covers in case it can hear his thoughts and chide him like his mother.
He goes to sleep and dreams of clear nights and lakes, and the moon watching him as he sits alone under it, waiting for someone.
Chanyeol can tolerate a lot of things, but watching his best friend ditch her snapbacks and oversized hoodies for short skirts and eyeliner and make lovesick faces at her soulmate, is really more than he can handle. He seems to be the only one irritated by this too. Jongdae has taken delight in teasing Baekhyun about her newly found femininity and Kyungsoo had merely remarked, “You’re just upset it didn’t happen to you first,” when Chanyeol complained to him about it. It should have been him first, too. Baekhyun hadn’t even wanted to meet her soulmate; always making fun of Chanyeol when he’d start mulling over the possibilities of what kind of person was waiting for him, if he would have the dream that night. Then, one day, she had shown up at his door, fingers nervously tugging at the hem of a blouse that looked too fancy for her closet, and asking him what she should do. Chanyeol had only seen this side of Baekhyun once or twice before. She looked unsure and timid, and he had opened his arms for a hug that she quickly ran in for.
Now whenever she catches him staring at her and Yifan, she smiles smugly and clings to her soulmate’s arm, sometimes childishly sticking her tongue out at Chanyeol.
It’s unfair.
He’s already in his last year at the university, well over one hundred and eighty centimeters tall, and still frustratingly unattached. There are dates here and there, even brief flings that last a few weeks. He considers most of them to be practice, so he’s not awkward when he finally meets his soulmate, but a few of them, he had hoped, would prompt his dream to happen. He knows it doesn’t work that way, that fate decides when the dreams will happen and whose names will be in them, but it’s hard for him to be patient when he’s afraid of being the only person in his group of friends who’s sitting at the table alone.
He sighs and bumps the straw around the glass with his finger as Baekhyun finishes telling them all about her first attempt at cooking for Yifan. The occasional meet up with the group at their favorite pizza place used to be relaxing, but with the addition of Baekhyun’s “plus one,” they were starting to become a night where ugly feelings stirred in his belly. At least he still has Jongdae and Kyungsoo sitting at his sides, doctoring napkins into mini footballs and trying to flick them through fingers posing as goal posts.
One of the napkins sails into his glass instead and he takes that as his cue to leave. “Hey, I’m going to cut out early. I promised to meet up with Yixing in the morning to go over the songs once more. Recital’s on Monday. Don’t forget to be there.” He reminds them all as he stands up and cups his hands together angelically as he looks over at Kyungsoo.
“I know, I know. Cookie-stuffed brownies.”
“You’re the best!” He ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair obnoxiously and jumps out of the way before Kyungsoo can grab and twist his arm.
It’s a bit chilly outside for September, but the moon is high in the sky and things are quiet so he buries his hands into the pockets of his jacket and takes his time walking back to his apartment. Despite not having someone walking next to him, Chanyeol thinks his life is headed in a good direction. He has his friends, and even though he doesn’t get daily visits from Baekhyun anymore, she still makes sure to carve out time for video games and beer every once in a while. School has become busier and, surprisingly, become something he enjoys and looks forward to every day.
He had picked up guitar in high school and took a few music electives his first year at the university, since other course offerings didn’t interest him. It was an introductory composition class that really caught his attention and had him signing up for the music program when it was over. There was something empowering about creating a song chord by chord, word by word, watching it build and grow into something solid and whole. He loved sitting by his window and idly strumming his guitar late at night, occasionally stringing some words together to match the melody being played. It was easy, something that came naturally to him, and yet, was challenging at the same time whenever a section was missing something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Last year, a conductor for a local youth choir had reached out to the university to find someone to write songs for the kids. Chanyeol immediately jumped on the opportunity, eager to have a challenge and also excited for the extra credits he would receive. He liked writing about happy things and kids were better suited for positive, upbeat tunes, so it was a perfect match. He attended every practice, playing the accompaniment, helping them learn the lyrics, and learning a bit more himself whenever they’d break out into giggles at a missed note. It was fun, until he received a call three days before a Christmas recital and was asked to fill in for the conductor, who had come down with bronchitis and wasn’t allowed outside. Chanyeol was the only person who knew the songs, and a crash course in conducting via youtube and an hour of awkward hand movements later, he had saved the holidays and stolen the hearts of the kids and parents (but that could have been the suit - they were used to seeing him in plaid shirts and snapbacks, and jaws had dropped).
He had loved every second of it. Maybe not the sudden nausea when they had signaled for him to walk out on stage and begin, but a hush had fallen over the audience as he walked out and when he turned to bow and found all of their eyes on him it was like a spark had been lit inside. He was giving life to his song, from every beat to every voice singing the words. Every flick of his hand brought it up off the paper and out into the audience. It was exhilarating and beautiful and he wanted more. Luckily, the youth choir had been steadily growing in size and the regular conductor was more than happy to split them into two groups, giving Chanyeol the older kids who were already trained well enough to make up for his lack of experience. He found a piano major, Yixing, to accompany them and every practice ended with him wanting to do it forever.
He punches in the security code to his apartment when he arrives and tosses his jacket onto the arm of the couch, dropping down with a thump onto the cushion beside it. There’s a text waiting for him on his phone when he pulls it out of his pocket; a picture from Baekhyun of his glass filled halfway with napkin footballs. It’s her way of asking if he made it back safely, without showing that she’s concerned about things like that. He replies with an lol go home before they kick you out, and opens the music app on his phone to start the playback of one of the songs the kids will be performing. It’s something upbeat and fun, about youth and freedom. He’d written it over the summer while watching Kyungsoo act in a play. One line had struck a note in him and he’d spent the rest of the play bent over his phone, looking up only at the scene where Kyungsoo gets slapped by his love interest because it was his favorite part.
Maybe it’s the fact that his final year at the university has started and his best friend’s future is beginning to fall into place for her, but there’s a restlessness growing inside that he hasn’t figured out how to handle yet. It’s almost like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff, looking across at the other side and waiting for the pieces of the bridge to fall into place so he can cross over to it. He knows there’s music waiting there, along with his friends, but he feels anxious not knowing who else is waiting there for him and he wants that bridge to hurry up and be finished so he can find out.
He hums along to the words and moves his right hand in patterns of four that have started becoming second nature to him.
Chanyeol stretches his arms above his head as he wakes up from the most comfortable and refreshing sleep he’s had in a long time. The crisp morning air feels good. The sheets feel good against his skin. Everything just feels good to him. He opens his eyes a smidge but the morning light is too bright so he quickly closes them again and turns onto his other side, one arm under his pillow and the other splayed in front of him. The sheets are warm and he doesn’t care how early or late in the day it might be. He’s not moving from this spot.
He breathes in deeply and there’s a flutter in his stomach at the smell of peppermint still lingering on his pillow. So nice, he thinks and smiles as he buries his nose further into it, head full of nothing but Minseok, Minseok, Minseok. His skin tingles and his toes curl a bit and he thinks there’s really no better way to wake up than this. He moves his hand around, searching for another body.
“Minseok?”
Chanyeol wakes up with a start and immediately regrets it when he feels the crick in his neck. Disoriented, it takes him a moment to realize he’d fallen asleep on the couch, still in the clothes he’d worn to the pizza place earlier, or last night, since the clock is blinking three in the morning. He groans and puts a hand to his neck as he gets up, stumbling down the hallway to the comfort of his bed. There’s no point in changing out of his clothes so he face plants into his pillow and lets his body slowly relax. He remembers peppermint, but when he inhales he can’t find any trace of it.
For the second time in as many minutes, he jolts up. “Minseok?!” He coughs from the sudden outburst and blindly searches around for his phone. No, wait, it’s still in the living room. He dashes out of his room and grabs the phone sitting on the couch. His finger hovers over his messages before settling on the group chat and he’s grinning as he writes.
FROM: CHANYEOL
IT HAPPENED GUYS I’M GOING TO MEET MY SOULMATE CONGRATULATE ME
He lets his head fall back against the couch and sighs happily. Minseok. There’s no more waiting, no more wondering. There’ll be someone to sit next to him on Saturday nights, to celebrate his birthday with, take long walks in the snow with and snuggle and kiss under a blanket. His phone buzzes.
FROM: KYUNGSOO
omfg 3am
FROM: JONGDAE
Fuck off Chanyeol
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Go away
His phone buzzes again with another message from Baekhyun, sent privately.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Good dream?
FROM: CHANYEOL
Great dream.
His name is Minseok and he smells like peppermint.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Cool.
Now you can text him in the middle of the night instead of me.
Her reply makes him laugh and toss his phone onto the floor before stretching out over the couch and hugging a throw pillow to his chest.
Yeah, that sounds nice.
There are twenty eyes staring at his face and two hundred staring at his back as Chanyeol lifts his right hand up. He holds it still for a moment as his eyes scan the faces in front of him and when he’s satisfied they are all paying attention, he begins moving his hand to the fast paced beat in his head.
One. Two. Three. Four.
The piano begins and, predictably, Yixing’s half a beat slower than Chanyeol had written the song to be, but he grits his teeth and adjusts his movement to match Yixing’s playing. Two more counts of four and the tenors and altos suck in a breath as he points to them with his left hand to deliver the opening lines. They’re a bit hesitant at first (teenagers who are confident in the practice room but shy in front of parents holding cameras), but relax quickly when Chanyeol gives them a reassuring grin. The rest of the choir is brought in as well and his stomach feels warm and fuzzy at the sound of their voices bouncing off the rafters of the auditorium, singing his song.
This is one of their favorites and it shows, as their smiles grow the further into the song they get. That alone makes him want to break out of his stiff posture and join in as a few of them bounce in place on the risers they’re standing on. He starts tapping his toes inside his shoes under the guise of keeping the beat, but outwardly maintains composure. They repeat the chorus three times, and on the last note he holds both hands out, palms open and beckons them to grow louder and louder. He moves his hands up to the level of his head and fluidly cuts both the choir and Yixing off at the same time; a move he’d practiced for hours in front of a mirror after Jongdae said he had the grace of a newborn giraffe and looked stupid. His posture is perfect, elbows angled sharply, and he thinks he looks damn good.
He drops his arms down and takes a step back, then spins to bow to the audience. There’s a loud “whoop!” (Oh God, it’s Baekhyun, he thinks and is mortified for a second) before applause fills the air. He grins as he stands up straight and steps aside so the kids can all take a bow as well. They look happy and their parents look happy too as they clap proudly from their seats, and Chanyeol lets them have a few more moments to enjoy it. He lets his eyes wander around the audience, feeling childishly giddy at the thought that maybe he is sitting out there clapping for them, for Chanyeol.
It’s quiet again before he realizes it and he shakes his head clear before turning back to his music stand. The next one is slower and he can’t help but sway a bit to the beat as he counts them in with a steady one, two, three, four. It’s melancholy and reminiscent, fitting of a fall recital as the weather turns colder and people begin to slow down for the winter. Someday, he wants to add a soft drum beat in the background. Maybe he can teach one of the kids next year, if he continues conducting them all after he graduates. He really can’t picture himself doing anything else.
The sopranos come in too softly and he has to signal them to increase their volume a bit more.
That’s better.
This is the first song he’d written that includes a solo, a way to give some experience to any of the kids who maybe dreamed about standing on stage professionally someday. He nods at Soomin and she steps down off the risers, walking over to the mic stand that had been set up and glancing over at him as she takes in a calming breath. He smiles encouragingly and she turns to face the audience as she begins. The tone of her voice is sweet and beautiful as she delivers the lyrics to the audience, and when the choir rejoins her, they bring the song to an end. He takes his final bow and leaves the stage as the rest of the choirs come back on for the finale.
It’s all chaos after that, really. The kids scatter off to meet up with their parents and the doorways begin to back up with people exiting. Chanyeol tries to break away to the refreshment table as quickly as he can, exchanging the bare minimum in pleasantries with people who get in his way, so he doesn’t miss the chance to grab Kyungsoo’s cookie-stuffed brownies. They’re to die for and unfortunately, all of the regulars to these recitals know it. The trays are always out of order, so he weaves in and out of the line, finally spotting them as he looks over the head of a much shorter boy.
“There you are!” He exclaims and reaches a long arm in to grab one of the last two sitting on the tray.
The boy jumps a bit and stares at him with startled eyes, blinking finally when he notices Chanyeol eating half of the brownie in one bite. “That good?”
Chanyeol nods, unable to say anything else with his mouth full. The boy’s lips are curled in a closed smile and amused lines crinkle the corners of his eyes, and Chanyeol feels strangely caught off guard. There’s a lump in his throat as he swallows the brownie. “It’s cookies and brownies in the same bite. That makes it the best thing ever. It’d be a really depressing walk back to my apartment if I missed out on one of these. Hurry, take the last one before someone else does.”
With a shrug, the boy grabs the last one and takes a much smaller bite than Chanyeol had. “Ah, it is good!”
“I know, right? My friend made them. I keep trying to get him to make some just for me but he refuses. I think he just likes telling me no.”
“Hmm, probably a good thing. If it was that easy to have them, then they wouldn’t be a special treat anymore.”
“I guess.” Chanyeol pops the last chunk of brownie into his mouth. It’s growing more crowded so he starts to move away from the table and is pleased to see the other boy follow him to an empty spot against the wall. “Are you here with someone from the choir?”
“Yeah, my sister. The choir sounded good tonight. They seem to get better and better each time I see them.”
Chanyeol nods. “They were always good. They’re just getting more confident now that they’ve been doing this for a few years.”
“Or they have a really great conductor. You looked like you were just as excited as they were.”
He bites his lip to keep from smiling and looks down at his arms, rolling the sleeves of his blazer up since he’s feeling flush all the sudden. “Well… maybe.”
The boy leans back against the wall, tilting his head and staring at him in a way that says, I’m right and you know it. He kind of has really pretty eyes and Chanyeol knows he should say something to further the conversation, but he feels caught in their pull and can’t think of anything. He’s almost a full head shorter than Chanyeol, just enough room that Chanyeol could rest his chin on top of his head if they were hugging. It’s cute, really. There’s a faint voice saying, “Minseok,” and, Oh, Chanyeol thinks. This is it. Oh God, this is really it.
“Minseok! There you are. Come on, Mom and Dad want to go home now.” Soomin is suddenly in front of them, speaking to the boy. She turns and gives a small bow when she notices Chanyeol.
“Alright.” Minseok pushes off the wall and glances back at Chanyeol. “It was nice to meet you…”
“Chanyeol!”
Minseok smiles and nods, but says nothing more as he turns to follow Soomin.
Without thinking, Chanyeol reaches out and holds on to his arm before he can get far. He knows his eyes are too wide and eager but the anticipation is too great to hold back. “No, wait! I’m… I’m Chanyeol!”
“Okay?” Minseok’s head tips a little and his smile becomes tight, unsure. “I’ll see you around?” He takes a step back and Chanyeol’s too confused to do anything but let his arm drop limply to his side as Minseok disappears into the crowd. This isn’t right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. He looks back and forth around the room in case Minseok comes running back to him.
There’s no short boys with pretty eyes around though.
He leans back heavily against the wall. Wasn’t Minseok supposed to recognize him? Light up a bit? That was how the dreams work. Chanyeol dreams of Minseok, Minseok dreams of Chanyeol, and then they meet. Weren’t they supposed to start planning a time to go out to dinner, follow it up with a movie, or maybe just walk around a park holding hands? Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Jongdae need to meet him and Chanyeol needs to meet his family. Wait, he’s already met them. Shouldn’t there have been something more besides, “I’ll see you around?”
“Hey, Maestro!” Baekhyun suddenly plops onto the wall, bumping into him and nearly knocking him over in his stunned stupor. She grabs onto his elbow to steady him and frowns. “Didn’t get your brownie?”
“Baekhyun?”
“Hmm?”
“He was here. I talked to him. He was standing right here and he…” He trails off and points out into the crowd.
“Who?”
“Minseok! He was here and he just left! I told him my name and… he just left! Like it didn’t mean anything to him. How could it not mean anything to him?”
Baekhyun looks helpless. “I… I don’t know. Are you sure it was him?”
“It couldn’t be anyone else.”
“God, you probably said something stupid or went starry eyed all over him and scared him off. Stay here. I have to go tell Yifan I need to walk my hopeless best friend home.”
She leaves him against the wall and he tries to not look too dejected. A few of the kids in his choir pass by as they leave and he gives them small smiles and a reminder that he’ll see them at practice. He doesn’t see Minseok at all.
Baekhyun returns with her jacket on and shoos him out the door. “Yifan’s going ahead of us and will wait for me there.”
“I know you were never really into the whole soulmate thing, but you’re really lucky, you know?”
“I know.” She loops her arm through his and tugs him close since he likes to be pampered when he’s upset. “Maybe Minseok just didn’t have the dream yet? Or maybe he didn’t put two and two together. Maybe he’s dumb or something.”
He elbows her. “Don’t call my soulmate stupid. I don’t call Yifan stupid.”
“Not in front of me, at least.”
He can’t deny that (really, Yifan sets himself up for it most of the time) so he just sighs and kicks at some pebbles on the sidewalk.
“Hey, don’t be so down. If he’s your soulmate then you don’t have to worry about this because you’ll meet him again and before you know it, he’ll be joining us for pizza. We can team up and see how long it takes Kyungsoo to flip out over our PDA. Watching him squirm and stab his pizza with a fork will be so much fun.”
Chanyeol laughs and nods. “If we’re lucky, he’ll take it out on Jongdae. You’re right though. I’ll probably see him at the next recital. I think he’s Soomin’s brother and he mentioned that he’s seen them perform a lot. I could probably even talk to her before then.”
“Oh my God, please don’t.”
“No, it’s perfect! She was there and he might have said something to her when they were leaving. Or maybe you’re right and for some reason he hasn’t had his dream yet, but he will soon. Since she was there, she would probably be the first person he would go to.”
She looks like she wants to strangle him, but she only shakes her head and gives him a push towards the door of his building. “As your best friend, I advise you to ixnay that plan, and because I know you won’t, I expect to hear all about it. Don’t leave anything out.”
He sticks his tongue out because he’s too far away to do anything else and stays at the door until she disappears into Yifan’s car.
Chanyeol has to wait until after Thursday’s practice before he can talk to Soomin. She’s stacking her music sheets into her folder as he approaches, suddenly kicking himself for not taking the time over the week to think about how to ask her about her brother without sounding creepy.
“So, nice job on the solo. You really nailed it perfectly.” He silently applauds himself.
“Oh? Thank you!” She stands up quickly and smiles a bit bashfully at him.
“Does, uh, does your brother come to all of the recitals? I mean, I’ve seen your parents at all of them but don’t really remember meeting him before.”
“Minseok?” She frowns and then shrugs her shoulders. “He used to come to them all the time but not so much since he graduated. He’s kind of lame now that he’s old. Older. Working now, I mean.” She corrects herself like she might have offended him, but he waves her off.
“Graduated from high school?” She shakes her head. “University?” That’s surprising given Minseok’s cute face, but at least it means they’re closer in age. “Do you guys hang out a lot? Talk a lot? Like, ‘Hey, Soomin, what’s up?’ Or, ‘Hey, I had this strange dream last night.’”
“Uh, I don’t know? Not really? He mostly just asks how school’s going.” She looks at him curiously. “Why are you interested in him anyways?”
“I was just wondering if… maybe… he’s mentioned me or something.” He tries to shrug nonchalantly but when she continues to stare at him, his shoulders deflate a little.
“Why would he mention you?”
Shit, he’d crossed the line into awkward sooner than he’d hoped. There’s a music stand next to him and he idly starts poking it with his finger. “I don’t know. We had a nice conversation and I’d like to have another one with him sometime. Soon.” Soomin starts laughing and he wishes he had listened to Baekhyun’s advice. Now he’s going to have to relay every terrible word back to her and she’ll probably go tell it to the others.
“I can’t believe you like him. My brother’s so boring and you’re like the complete opposite of him.”
Chanyeol huffs and crosses his arms over his chest childishly as he glares at her. There’s no use in denying it since she’s practically his sister now. “He’s my soulmate, okay? I had the dream and everything. We met and were talking and then you interrupted and he left. So, yes, I liked the ten minutes I got to spend with him and would really like to have ten more.”
“Wait, are you serious?” She asks with surprise and drops her folder. “Oh my God, I didn’t even know he’d had his dream. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!”
That’s not what he was hoping to hear. “I don’t… I don’t know if he had it yet. I told him my name and, well, you were there. He just left. I don’t think he knew me at all.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know.” He leans his elbows on the music stand and rests his chin on them, feeling weighed down by all of the questions in his head.
“If you want, I can ask him to come pick me up next week and you can talk to him about it.”
He perks up a bit. “Really?”
“Sure. I mean, you’re sort of like my brother now, huh?” She narrows her eyes in a cunning way. “I demand a solo at the Christmas concert in return.”
“As you wish, your highness.”
“And I want to stand in the top row.”
He laughs and pats her head condescendingly. “Grow a few more inches and you can. Shortness really does run in your family.”
“I don’t know if you’ll fit into the family photos. Your head might get cut off. We’ll just see a row of teeth and have to draw an arrow that says, ‘Chanyeol.’”
They bicker for a while longer until her mother shows up to get her. Chanyeol feels awkward and unsure around her, bowing low enough that she laughs at him and asks, “Why the sudden formality?” He doesn’t answer and breathes a sigh of relief when they leave. He’d always thought that waiting until he had his dream was the hard part, but, somehow, he’s starting to think the hard part has only just begun.
The week drags on and by the time it’s Thursday again, Chanyeol walks into the choir’s practice room fully prepared and ready to charm his way into Minseok’s life. He’s opted for a more mature, casual look with skinny jeans, a tshirt and light sweater (Minseok had already seen him dressed up and his usual attire gave off a lazy student feeling he didn’t want for their second meeting) and after role-playing with a reluctant Baekhyun all week, he’s fully prepared to explain everything and ask Minseok out on a date.
He runs the kids through warm ups and hands out a new music book he’s put together of songs they’ll sing at the Christmas recital. There’s a traditional holiday song, a lesser known one, and then an original one he’d written for last year’s recital. They’d asked to do it again and it felt nice to know it left an impact on them. Things like that make him feel like he’s doing more than just conducting a bunch of kids in front of their parents, but giving them something they’ll, hopefully, remember for a long time.
They spend most of the hour on the lesser known song since it needs the most memorizing. Yixing couldn’t make it, so Chanyeol sits at the piano and plunks out notes and sings along with them. He stops at points along the way to focus on different sections and makes sure they’re reaching the right pitch. The sopranos are particularly struggling on the bridge and he tries to help them out but his voice wasn’t meant to go that high. The rest of the choir is giggling as they watch and the sopranos are hiding their smiles behind the music books as his falsetto sounds strained and scratchy. He doesn’t mind though and has to stop in order to laugh along with them.
He notices Soomin sporting a suspiciously wide smile that doesn’t seem directed at him, and he turns toward the doorway. Of course, Minseok is standing there, leaning against it and watching with amusement. He clears his throat and stands up. “I think we’ve gone over enough for today. Try to practice a little at home and I’ll see you all next week.”
His throat is suddenly dry and his palms are getting clammy as he gathers his music sheets together, tapping them against the piano to straighten them up, then doing it again and again until he notices it’s quiet. Minseok’s standing at the piano now, elbows resting on top and smile still in place. Chanyeol tries to remember what opening line he’d used on Baekhyun. He’s drawing a blank though.
“I think you missed your calling as a soprano.” Minseok beats him to it and he feels his ears burn a little bit.
“Yeah, well, I doubt you could do much better.”
Minseok’s eyes light up. “Try me.”
“What?”
“Go ahead, play the highest note in the song.”
Chanyeol scoffs a bit but plays the note for him. He’s left staring in awe when Minseok hits it perfectly, and even goes a bit higher. “I think you missed your calling as a soprano. Feel like joining the choir? You’d fit right in.”
Minseok socks him in the arm lightly. “Just because my face looks like a teenager’s doesn’t mean I am one.”
They laugh but then a lull falls between them and Chanyeol starts to feel fidgety. This is probably where he should start asking about dreams, but it was one thing to stand in front of Baekhyun and say those things for pretend, and another to stand in front of Minseok and wait for a real response. He just wants this to be perfect so badly and be everything he’s been waiting for and thinking of.
“So,” Minseok begins before he can say anything, fingers tapping on the piano top. “Word on the street is that I have a soulmate. My sister and my mom call me every day asking me if I’ve dreamt of you yet.”
“Oh God.” Chanyeol buries his face in his arms. “I can’t believe Soomin told you! And told your mom!” His cheeks flame at the thought of them talking about him. None of the scenarios had had Soomin and their mother included in them.
Minseok laughs. “They’re just excited and can’t help it. They like you a lot, by the way.”
The good news lessens his embarrassment a bit. Just a bit. He still wants to dig a hole in the ground and hide in it though. Except, when he looks up, Minseok is still standing there laughing and even leans his chin on the palm of his hand, looking quite comfortable. “Wait, you’re okay with all of this? I mean, you’re here and not avoiding me for the rest of your life?”
“Well, it’s kind of weird, but, I don’t know. I’ve been working until late at night recently and I can’t remember what any of my dreams were about, or if I even had any. Maybe I just missed it.”
Chanyeol can only stare. “So what you’re saying is….?”
“So what I’m saying is, are you doing anything for dinner tomorrow night?” Minseok smiles and it looks so wonderful.
“Are… are you asking me out?”
“You went and talked to my sister about being my soulmate and you’re getting all shy because I asked you to dinner?”
He snaps out of his daze. “Yes, dinner. Of course. Yes!”
“Perfect!” Minseok pulls his phone out and slides it over to Chanyeol. “Give me your number so we can meet up.”
He inputs his number and in a moment of bravado, takes a picture of himself and saves it with his contact information. “There, now you can’t forget me.”
“My turn.” Minseok holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers impatiently as Chanyeol digs the phone out of his pocket. Minseok puts his number in but then turns and takes a picture of himself with Chanyeol in the background. “There, now you can’t forget this moment.”
Chanyeol’s heart skips a couple beats.
“Are you guys done yet?” Soomin’s head pokes around the doorway.
“Coming!” Minseok calls to her and gives Chanyeol a sheepish smile as he hands the phone back. “Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Chanyeol waves as he disappears and then looks at the picture on his phone. He’s staring at Minseok in it and Minseok’s smiling brightly and he doesn’t see how he could ever forget this. He closes the photo and pulls up his conversation window with Baekhyun.
FROM: CHANYEOL
He asked me out!!!!
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Woo!
Wait, HE asked you out?
You didn’t ask him out?
Why the hell did you make me practice with you then?!
Chanyeol doesn’t reply. He’s too busy walking on top of clouds.
►
Title: Holding on, holding out for me
Pairing(s): Chanyeol/Xiumin (feat. girl!Baekhyun/Kris, bff!chinguline)
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): swearing, emoticons, implied sex
Length: ~20000w
Summary: Minseok got his answers and Chanyeol got his dream and lost his heart in-between.
Author's note: Title is from this song, since it was the first thing I thought of when I read the prompt (the whole song fits so well, feelings ;~;). To my recipient - I had angsty intentions but Chanyeol didn’t like them, so this probably isn’t anything like you had imagined. I hope you still enjoy it though.
“Will it happen tonight?” Seven-year-old Park Chanyeol asks from under his blanket, eyes wide and sparkling with hope. “Will it?”
His mother laughs and reaches out to softly tug on his nose. “No, silly. It won’t happen until you’re at least one hundred and eighty centimeters.”
“But that’ll take forever!”
“I guess you’ll just have to be my baby until then.” She smiles and he returns it because, even though he’s already seven, it makes him feel special when she calls him her baby. “You need to learn some patience though. It will happen when the time is right and I promise you it will be worth the wait.”
“I just want to know their name. Then I can be patient and wait. I swear!”
A laugh from her makes the smile slip off Chanyeol’s face. “I know you too well, Park Chanyeol. You’ll be searching the whole city for your soulmate before you’re supposed to meet them. Even if we learn their names in our dreams, it’s still up to fate as to when and where we meet up with them. You can’t force something to happen or else you’ll miss out on the beautiful moment when it does.”
“I think it’ll be beautiful no matter what though.” He says with optimism, but moves on. “Can you tell me about it again, please? About you and Dad, and your soulmate dream?”
She lays down on her side next to him in his bed, one hand tucked under her head and the other draped over his stomach. “I swear, one of these nights it’ll be you telling me the story instead of me telling you. Alright, I was twenty when your great-grandmother started to get frail and needed someone to take care of her. We didn’t have any extra room at home, so I got on the train and went to stay with her. I had been there for about a month when I had my dream. There was this pretty lake where Great-Grandma lived and we would go on small walks there to get her some fresh air. In the dream it was too early in the morning for anyone to be awake, even the sun, but I was sitting down by the water, crying because I felt so horrible. I heard someone call my name suddenly and I wanted to hide so they wouldn’t see me cry, but before I could move there was a hand on my shoulder. It was so warm and strong, and I felt like the sky could fall to the ground in pieces and I would still be safe and protected. I started to turn around and said-“
“Jihoon!”
“-but I woke up before I could see his face.” She sighs while remembering. “It was okay though, because I knew he had to be the most handsome man in the world, with beautiful eyes and a pretty smile. Great-Grandma was so excited when I told her about it and for the next few days she would point out every boy we came across on our walks and say, ‘Maybe that’s him!’ It kind of felt like a game, and I would try to convince her that they weren’t good enough to be him. One afternoon, she pointed at a boy walking ahead of us and said, ‘This boy looks tall and handsome. Maybe that’s him.’ I said, ‘Grandma, look at his ears! He probably looks like a clown!’”
“Mommy!” Chanyeol whimpers and covers his ears with his hands to hide them.
“Shh, I think they’re lovely, baby. Great-Grandma stopped walking and went, ‘Don’t be so fussy, Mikyung!’ I was going to tell her I wasn’t, but I noticed that the boy had stopped walking and was staring at me with this really big smile on his face. I just knew it was him. He said my name and started walking over to us, but I realized that if he’d heard my name then he probably also heard what I had said too. I felt so embarrassed that I turned around and ran all the way home. It was even more embarrassing when I realized I had left Great-Grandma behind and he had to walk her home. I didn’t come out of my room until later that night when I heard a crash in the kitchen. Great-Grandma had tried making some tea to bring to me but she fell and hurt her leg.
“Oh, Chanyeol, I felt so guilty at the hospital. I was supposed to be taking care of her but she got hurt because of me, and I had made a fool of myself in front of your father. When she finally fell asleep, I left the hospital and went to the lake and just cried and cried. I almost didn’t notice your father and I tried to hide when I heard him approaching, but he put his hand on my shoulder and it was just like in my dream. When I turned around, he looked so caring and gentle, and he said, ‘It’s okay, Mikyung. I’m here, so you don’t need to cry anymore.’ I think that even if the soulmate dreams didn’t exist, I still would have fallen in love with him in that moment. We got married within the year and lived with Great-Grandma until she passed away. Then we moved back to the city and had our beautiful baby.”
“And we lived happily ever after.” Chanyeol finishes.
“That’s right.” She leans over to kiss his cheek and then gets up, walking over to the door. “Get some sleep and don’t worry, baby. You’ll have your soulmate dream someday and fall in love and it’ll be everything you wished for.”
“Okay.” He quietly agrees and rolls over onto his side when he hears the door close. The moon is really bright and he thinks of how beautiful it would look if he were sitting by the lake, watching its reflection ripple in the current. Every few years his parents go back there for their anniversary and take him with them, but he’s never been old enough to stay outside too late. Watching it now though, he hopes that when he’s tall enough he can go back there and stay out next to the water until midnight, or even two, and maybe even have someone else sitting there next to him, or in his arms. His toes curl a bit at his silly thoughts and he smiles at the moon before ducking his head under the covers in case it can hear his thoughts and chide him like his mother.
He goes to sleep and dreams of clear nights and lakes, and the moon watching him as he sits alone under it, waiting for someone.
Chanyeol can tolerate a lot of things, but watching his best friend ditch her snapbacks and oversized hoodies for short skirts and eyeliner and make lovesick faces at her soulmate, is really more than he can handle. He seems to be the only one irritated by this too. Jongdae has taken delight in teasing Baekhyun about her newly found femininity and Kyungsoo had merely remarked, “You’re just upset it didn’t happen to you first,” when Chanyeol complained to him about it. It should have been him first, too. Baekhyun hadn’t even wanted to meet her soulmate; always making fun of Chanyeol when he’d start mulling over the possibilities of what kind of person was waiting for him, if he would have the dream that night. Then, one day, she had shown up at his door, fingers nervously tugging at the hem of a blouse that looked too fancy for her closet, and asking him what she should do. Chanyeol had only seen this side of Baekhyun once or twice before. She looked unsure and timid, and he had opened his arms for a hug that she quickly ran in for.
Now whenever she catches him staring at her and Yifan, she smiles smugly and clings to her soulmate’s arm, sometimes childishly sticking her tongue out at Chanyeol.
It’s unfair.
He’s already in his last year at the university, well over one hundred and eighty centimeters tall, and still frustratingly unattached. There are dates here and there, even brief flings that last a few weeks. He considers most of them to be practice, so he’s not awkward when he finally meets his soulmate, but a few of them, he had hoped, would prompt his dream to happen. He knows it doesn’t work that way, that fate decides when the dreams will happen and whose names will be in them, but it’s hard for him to be patient when he’s afraid of being the only person in his group of friends who’s sitting at the table alone.
He sighs and bumps the straw around the glass with his finger as Baekhyun finishes telling them all about her first attempt at cooking for Yifan. The occasional meet up with the group at their favorite pizza place used to be relaxing, but with the addition of Baekhyun’s “plus one,” they were starting to become a night where ugly feelings stirred in his belly. At least he still has Jongdae and Kyungsoo sitting at his sides, doctoring napkins into mini footballs and trying to flick them through fingers posing as goal posts.
One of the napkins sails into his glass instead and he takes that as his cue to leave. “Hey, I’m going to cut out early. I promised to meet up with Yixing in the morning to go over the songs once more. Recital’s on Monday. Don’t forget to be there.” He reminds them all as he stands up and cups his hands together angelically as he looks over at Kyungsoo.
“I know, I know. Cookie-stuffed brownies.”
“You’re the best!” He ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair obnoxiously and jumps out of the way before Kyungsoo can grab and twist his arm.
It’s a bit chilly outside for September, but the moon is high in the sky and things are quiet so he buries his hands into the pockets of his jacket and takes his time walking back to his apartment. Despite not having someone walking next to him, Chanyeol thinks his life is headed in a good direction. He has his friends, and even though he doesn’t get daily visits from Baekhyun anymore, she still makes sure to carve out time for video games and beer every once in a while. School has become busier and, surprisingly, become something he enjoys and looks forward to every day.
He had picked up guitar in high school and took a few music electives his first year at the university, since other course offerings didn’t interest him. It was an introductory composition class that really caught his attention and had him signing up for the music program when it was over. There was something empowering about creating a song chord by chord, word by word, watching it build and grow into something solid and whole. He loved sitting by his window and idly strumming his guitar late at night, occasionally stringing some words together to match the melody being played. It was easy, something that came naturally to him, and yet, was challenging at the same time whenever a section was missing something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Last year, a conductor for a local youth choir had reached out to the university to find someone to write songs for the kids. Chanyeol immediately jumped on the opportunity, eager to have a challenge and also excited for the extra credits he would receive. He liked writing about happy things and kids were better suited for positive, upbeat tunes, so it was a perfect match. He attended every practice, playing the accompaniment, helping them learn the lyrics, and learning a bit more himself whenever they’d break out into giggles at a missed note. It was fun, until he received a call three days before a Christmas recital and was asked to fill in for the conductor, who had come down with bronchitis and wasn’t allowed outside. Chanyeol was the only person who knew the songs, and a crash course in conducting via youtube and an hour of awkward hand movements later, he had saved the holidays and stolen the hearts of the kids and parents (but that could have been the suit - they were used to seeing him in plaid shirts and snapbacks, and jaws had dropped).
He had loved every second of it. Maybe not the sudden nausea when they had signaled for him to walk out on stage and begin, but a hush had fallen over the audience as he walked out and when he turned to bow and found all of their eyes on him it was like a spark had been lit inside. He was giving life to his song, from every beat to every voice singing the words. Every flick of his hand brought it up off the paper and out into the audience. It was exhilarating and beautiful and he wanted more. Luckily, the youth choir had been steadily growing in size and the regular conductor was more than happy to split them into two groups, giving Chanyeol the older kids who were already trained well enough to make up for his lack of experience. He found a piano major, Yixing, to accompany them and every practice ended with him wanting to do it forever.
He punches in the security code to his apartment when he arrives and tosses his jacket onto the arm of the couch, dropping down with a thump onto the cushion beside it. There’s a text waiting for him on his phone when he pulls it out of his pocket; a picture from Baekhyun of his glass filled halfway with napkin footballs. It’s her way of asking if he made it back safely, without showing that she’s concerned about things like that. He replies with an lol go home before they kick you out, and opens the music app on his phone to start the playback of one of the songs the kids will be performing. It’s something upbeat and fun, about youth and freedom. He’d written it over the summer while watching Kyungsoo act in a play. One line had struck a note in him and he’d spent the rest of the play bent over his phone, looking up only at the scene where Kyungsoo gets slapped by his love interest because it was his favorite part.
Maybe it’s the fact that his final year at the university has started and his best friend’s future is beginning to fall into place for her, but there’s a restlessness growing inside that he hasn’t figured out how to handle yet. It’s almost like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff, looking across at the other side and waiting for the pieces of the bridge to fall into place so he can cross over to it. He knows there’s music waiting there, along with his friends, but he feels anxious not knowing who else is waiting there for him and he wants that bridge to hurry up and be finished so he can find out.
He hums along to the words and moves his right hand in patterns of four that have started becoming second nature to him.
Chanyeol stretches his arms above his head as he wakes up from the most comfortable and refreshing sleep he’s had in a long time. The crisp morning air feels good. The sheets feel good against his skin. Everything just feels good to him. He opens his eyes a smidge but the morning light is too bright so he quickly closes them again and turns onto his other side, one arm under his pillow and the other splayed in front of him. The sheets are warm and he doesn’t care how early or late in the day it might be. He’s not moving from this spot.
He breathes in deeply and there’s a flutter in his stomach at the smell of peppermint still lingering on his pillow. So nice, he thinks and smiles as he buries his nose further into it, head full of nothing but Minseok, Minseok, Minseok. His skin tingles and his toes curl a bit and he thinks there’s really no better way to wake up than this. He moves his hand around, searching for another body.
“Minseok?”
Chanyeol wakes up with a start and immediately regrets it when he feels the crick in his neck. Disoriented, it takes him a moment to realize he’d fallen asleep on the couch, still in the clothes he’d worn to the pizza place earlier, or last night, since the clock is blinking three in the morning. He groans and puts a hand to his neck as he gets up, stumbling down the hallway to the comfort of his bed. There’s no point in changing out of his clothes so he face plants into his pillow and lets his body slowly relax. He remembers peppermint, but when he inhales he can’t find any trace of it.
For the second time in as many minutes, he jolts up. “Minseok?!” He coughs from the sudden outburst and blindly searches around for his phone. No, wait, it’s still in the living room. He dashes out of his room and grabs the phone sitting on the couch. His finger hovers over his messages before settling on the group chat and he’s grinning as he writes.
FROM: CHANYEOL
IT HAPPENED GUYS I’M GOING TO MEET MY SOULMATE CONGRATULATE ME
He lets his head fall back against the couch and sighs happily. Minseok. There’s no more waiting, no more wondering. There’ll be someone to sit next to him on Saturday nights, to celebrate his birthday with, take long walks in the snow with and snuggle and kiss under a blanket. His phone buzzes.
FROM: KYUNGSOO
omfg 3am
FROM: JONGDAE
Fuck off Chanyeol
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Go away
His phone buzzes again with another message from Baekhyun, sent privately.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Good dream?
FROM: CHANYEOL
Great dream.
His name is Minseok and he smells like peppermint.
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Cool.
Now you can text him in the middle of the night instead of me.
Her reply makes him laugh and toss his phone onto the floor before stretching out over the couch and hugging a throw pillow to his chest.
Yeah, that sounds nice.
There are twenty eyes staring at his face and two hundred staring at his back as Chanyeol lifts his right hand up. He holds it still for a moment as his eyes scan the faces in front of him and when he’s satisfied they are all paying attention, he begins moving his hand to the fast paced beat in his head.
One. Two. Three. Four.
The piano begins and, predictably, Yixing’s half a beat slower than Chanyeol had written the song to be, but he grits his teeth and adjusts his movement to match Yixing’s playing. Two more counts of four and the tenors and altos suck in a breath as he points to them with his left hand to deliver the opening lines. They’re a bit hesitant at first (teenagers who are confident in the practice room but shy in front of parents holding cameras), but relax quickly when Chanyeol gives them a reassuring grin. The rest of the choir is brought in as well and his stomach feels warm and fuzzy at the sound of their voices bouncing off the rafters of the auditorium, singing his song.
This is one of their favorites and it shows, as their smiles grow the further into the song they get. That alone makes him want to break out of his stiff posture and join in as a few of them bounce in place on the risers they’re standing on. He starts tapping his toes inside his shoes under the guise of keeping the beat, but outwardly maintains composure. They repeat the chorus three times, and on the last note he holds both hands out, palms open and beckons them to grow louder and louder. He moves his hands up to the level of his head and fluidly cuts both the choir and Yixing off at the same time; a move he’d practiced for hours in front of a mirror after Jongdae said he had the grace of a newborn giraffe and looked stupid. His posture is perfect, elbows angled sharply, and he thinks he looks damn good.
He drops his arms down and takes a step back, then spins to bow to the audience. There’s a loud “whoop!” (Oh God, it’s Baekhyun, he thinks and is mortified for a second) before applause fills the air. He grins as he stands up straight and steps aside so the kids can all take a bow as well. They look happy and their parents look happy too as they clap proudly from their seats, and Chanyeol lets them have a few more moments to enjoy it. He lets his eyes wander around the audience, feeling childishly giddy at the thought that maybe he is sitting out there clapping for them, for Chanyeol.
It’s quiet again before he realizes it and he shakes his head clear before turning back to his music stand. The next one is slower and he can’t help but sway a bit to the beat as he counts them in with a steady one, two, three, four. It’s melancholy and reminiscent, fitting of a fall recital as the weather turns colder and people begin to slow down for the winter. Someday, he wants to add a soft drum beat in the background. Maybe he can teach one of the kids next year, if he continues conducting them all after he graduates. He really can’t picture himself doing anything else.
The sopranos come in too softly and he has to signal them to increase their volume a bit more.
That’s better.
This is the first song he’d written that includes a solo, a way to give some experience to any of the kids who maybe dreamed about standing on stage professionally someday. He nods at Soomin and she steps down off the risers, walking over to the mic stand that had been set up and glancing over at him as she takes in a calming breath. He smiles encouragingly and she turns to face the audience as she begins. The tone of her voice is sweet and beautiful as she delivers the lyrics to the audience, and when the choir rejoins her, they bring the song to an end. He takes his final bow and leaves the stage as the rest of the choirs come back on for the finale.
It’s all chaos after that, really. The kids scatter off to meet up with their parents and the doorways begin to back up with people exiting. Chanyeol tries to break away to the refreshment table as quickly as he can, exchanging the bare minimum in pleasantries with people who get in his way, so he doesn’t miss the chance to grab Kyungsoo’s cookie-stuffed brownies. They’re to die for and unfortunately, all of the regulars to these recitals know it. The trays are always out of order, so he weaves in and out of the line, finally spotting them as he looks over the head of a much shorter boy.
“There you are!” He exclaims and reaches a long arm in to grab one of the last two sitting on the tray.
The boy jumps a bit and stares at him with startled eyes, blinking finally when he notices Chanyeol eating half of the brownie in one bite. “That good?”
Chanyeol nods, unable to say anything else with his mouth full. The boy’s lips are curled in a closed smile and amused lines crinkle the corners of his eyes, and Chanyeol feels strangely caught off guard. There’s a lump in his throat as he swallows the brownie. “It’s cookies and brownies in the same bite. That makes it the best thing ever. It’d be a really depressing walk back to my apartment if I missed out on one of these. Hurry, take the last one before someone else does.”
With a shrug, the boy grabs the last one and takes a much smaller bite than Chanyeol had. “Ah, it is good!”
“I know, right? My friend made them. I keep trying to get him to make some just for me but he refuses. I think he just likes telling me no.”
“Hmm, probably a good thing. If it was that easy to have them, then they wouldn’t be a special treat anymore.”
“I guess.” Chanyeol pops the last chunk of brownie into his mouth. It’s growing more crowded so he starts to move away from the table and is pleased to see the other boy follow him to an empty spot against the wall. “Are you here with someone from the choir?”
“Yeah, my sister. The choir sounded good tonight. They seem to get better and better each time I see them.”
Chanyeol nods. “They were always good. They’re just getting more confident now that they’ve been doing this for a few years.”
“Or they have a really great conductor. You looked like you were just as excited as they were.”
He bites his lip to keep from smiling and looks down at his arms, rolling the sleeves of his blazer up since he’s feeling flush all the sudden. “Well… maybe.”
The boy leans back against the wall, tilting his head and staring at him in a way that says, I’m right and you know it. He kind of has really pretty eyes and Chanyeol knows he should say something to further the conversation, but he feels caught in their pull and can’t think of anything. He’s almost a full head shorter than Chanyeol, just enough room that Chanyeol could rest his chin on top of his head if they were hugging. It’s cute, really. There’s a faint voice saying, “Minseok,” and, Oh, Chanyeol thinks. This is it. Oh God, this is really it.
“Minseok! There you are. Come on, Mom and Dad want to go home now.” Soomin is suddenly in front of them, speaking to the boy. She turns and gives a small bow when she notices Chanyeol.
“Alright.” Minseok pushes off the wall and glances back at Chanyeol. “It was nice to meet you…”
“Chanyeol!”
Minseok smiles and nods, but says nothing more as he turns to follow Soomin.
Without thinking, Chanyeol reaches out and holds on to his arm before he can get far. He knows his eyes are too wide and eager but the anticipation is too great to hold back. “No, wait! I’m… I’m Chanyeol!”
“Okay?” Minseok’s head tips a little and his smile becomes tight, unsure. “I’ll see you around?” He takes a step back and Chanyeol’s too confused to do anything but let his arm drop limply to his side as Minseok disappears into the crowd. This isn’t right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. He looks back and forth around the room in case Minseok comes running back to him.
There’s no short boys with pretty eyes around though.
He leans back heavily against the wall. Wasn’t Minseok supposed to recognize him? Light up a bit? That was how the dreams work. Chanyeol dreams of Minseok, Minseok dreams of Chanyeol, and then they meet. Weren’t they supposed to start planning a time to go out to dinner, follow it up with a movie, or maybe just walk around a park holding hands? Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Jongdae need to meet him and Chanyeol needs to meet his family. Wait, he’s already met them. Shouldn’t there have been something more besides, “I’ll see you around?”
“Hey, Maestro!” Baekhyun suddenly plops onto the wall, bumping into him and nearly knocking him over in his stunned stupor. She grabs onto his elbow to steady him and frowns. “Didn’t get your brownie?”
“Baekhyun?”
“Hmm?”
“He was here. I talked to him. He was standing right here and he…” He trails off and points out into the crowd.
“Who?”
“Minseok! He was here and he just left! I told him my name and… he just left! Like it didn’t mean anything to him. How could it not mean anything to him?”
Baekhyun looks helpless. “I… I don’t know. Are you sure it was him?”
“It couldn’t be anyone else.”
“God, you probably said something stupid or went starry eyed all over him and scared him off. Stay here. I have to go tell Yifan I need to walk my hopeless best friend home.”
She leaves him against the wall and he tries to not look too dejected. A few of the kids in his choir pass by as they leave and he gives them small smiles and a reminder that he’ll see them at practice. He doesn’t see Minseok at all.
Baekhyun returns with her jacket on and shoos him out the door. “Yifan’s going ahead of us and will wait for me there.”
“I know you were never really into the whole soulmate thing, but you’re really lucky, you know?”
“I know.” She loops her arm through his and tugs him close since he likes to be pampered when he’s upset. “Maybe Minseok just didn’t have the dream yet? Or maybe he didn’t put two and two together. Maybe he’s dumb or something.”
He elbows her. “Don’t call my soulmate stupid. I don’t call Yifan stupid.”
“Not in front of me, at least.”
He can’t deny that (really, Yifan sets himself up for it most of the time) so he just sighs and kicks at some pebbles on the sidewalk.
“Hey, don’t be so down. If he’s your soulmate then you don’t have to worry about this because you’ll meet him again and before you know it, he’ll be joining us for pizza. We can team up and see how long it takes Kyungsoo to flip out over our PDA. Watching him squirm and stab his pizza with a fork will be so much fun.”
Chanyeol laughs and nods. “If we’re lucky, he’ll take it out on Jongdae. You’re right though. I’ll probably see him at the next recital. I think he’s Soomin’s brother and he mentioned that he’s seen them perform a lot. I could probably even talk to her before then.”
“Oh my God, please don’t.”
“No, it’s perfect! She was there and he might have said something to her when they were leaving. Or maybe you’re right and for some reason he hasn’t had his dream yet, but he will soon. Since she was there, she would probably be the first person he would go to.”
She looks like she wants to strangle him, but she only shakes her head and gives him a push towards the door of his building. “As your best friend, I advise you to ixnay that plan, and because I know you won’t, I expect to hear all about it. Don’t leave anything out.”
He sticks his tongue out because he’s too far away to do anything else and stays at the door until she disappears into Yifan’s car.
Chanyeol has to wait until after Thursday’s practice before he can talk to Soomin. She’s stacking her music sheets into her folder as he approaches, suddenly kicking himself for not taking the time over the week to think about how to ask her about her brother without sounding creepy.
“So, nice job on the solo. You really nailed it perfectly.” He silently applauds himself.
“Oh? Thank you!” She stands up quickly and smiles a bit bashfully at him.
“Does, uh, does your brother come to all of the recitals? I mean, I’ve seen your parents at all of them but don’t really remember meeting him before.”
“Minseok?” She frowns and then shrugs her shoulders. “He used to come to them all the time but not so much since he graduated. He’s kind of lame now that he’s old. Older. Working now, I mean.” She corrects herself like she might have offended him, but he waves her off.
“Graduated from high school?” She shakes her head. “University?” That’s surprising given Minseok’s cute face, but at least it means they’re closer in age. “Do you guys hang out a lot? Talk a lot? Like, ‘Hey, Soomin, what’s up?’ Or, ‘Hey, I had this strange dream last night.’”
“Uh, I don’t know? Not really? He mostly just asks how school’s going.” She looks at him curiously. “Why are you interested in him anyways?”
“I was just wondering if… maybe… he’s mentioned me or something.” He tries to shrug nonchalantly but when she continues to stare at him, his shoulders deflate a little.
“Why would he mention you?”
Shit, he’d crossed the line into awkward sooner than he’d hoped. There’s a music stand next to him and he idly starts poking it with his finger. “I don’t know. We had a nice conversation and I’d like to have another one with him sometime. Soon.” Soomin starts laughing and he wishes he had listened to Baekhyun’s advice. Now he’s going to have to relay every terrible word back to her and she’ll probably go tell it to the others.
“I can’t believe you like him. My brother’s so boring and you’re like the complete opposite of him.”
Chanyeol huffs and crosses his arms over his chest childishly as he glares at her. There’s no use in denying it since she’s practically his sister now. “He’s my soulmate, okay? I had the dream and everything. We met and were talking and then you interrupted and he left. So, yes, I liked the ten minutes I got to spend with him and would really like to have ten more.”
“Wait, are you serious?” She asks with surprise and drops her folder. “Oh my God, I didn’t even know he’d had his dream. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!”
That’s not what he was hoping to hear. “I don’t… I don’t know if he had it yet. I told him my name and, well, you were there. He just left. I don’t think he knew me at all.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know.” He leans his elbows on the music stand and rests his chin on them, feeling weighed down by all of the questions in his head.
“If you want, I can ask him to come pick me up next week and you can talk to him about it.”
He perks up a bit. “Really?”
“Sure. I mean, you’re sort of like my brother now, huh?” She narrows her eyes in a cunning way. “I demand a solo at the Christmas concert in return.”
“As you wish, your highness.”
“And I want to stand in the top row.”
He laughs and pats her head condescendingly. “Grow a few more inches and you can. Shortness really does run in your family.”
“I don’t know if you’ll fit into the family photos. Your head might get cut off. We’ll just see a row of teeth and have to draw an arrow that says, ‘Chanyeol.’”
They bicker for a while longer until her mother shows up to get her. Chanyeol feels awkward and unsure around her, bowing low enough that she laughs at him and asks, “Why the sudden formality?” He doesn’t answer and breathes a sigh of relief when they leave. He’d always thought that waiting until he had his dream was the hard part, but, somehow, he’s starting to think the hard part has only just begun.
The week drags on and by the time it’s Thursday again, Chanyeol walks into the choir’s practice room fully prepared and ready to charm his way into Minseok’s life. He’s opted for a more mature, casual look with skinny jeans, a tshirt and light sweater (Minseok had already seen him dressed up and his usual attire gave off a lazy student feeling he didn’t want for their second meeting) and after role-playing with a reluctant Baekhyun all week, he’s fully prepared to explain everything and ask Minseok out on a date.
He runs the kids through warm ups and hands out a new music book he’s put together of songs they’ll sing at the Christmas recital. There’s a traditional holiday song, a lesser known one, and then an original one he’d written for last year’s recital. They’d asked to do it again and it felt nice to know it left an impact on them. Things like that make him feel like he’s doing more than just conducting a bunch of kids in front of their parents, but giving them something they’ll, hopefully, remember for a long time.
They spend most of the hour on the lesser known song since it needs the most memorizing. Yixing couldn’t make it, so Chanyeol sits at the piano and plunks out notes and sings along with them. He stops at points along the way to focus on different sections and makes sure they’re reaching the right pitch. The sopranos are particularly struggling on the bridge and he tries to help them out but his voice wasn’t meant to go that high. The rest of the choir is giggling as they watch and the sopranos are hiding their smiles behind the music books as his falsetto sounds strained and scratchy. He doesn’t mind though and has to stop in order to laugh along with them.
He notices Soomin sporting a suspiciously wide smile that doesn’t seem directed at him, and he turns toward the doorway. Of course, Minseok is standing there, leaning against it and watching with amusement. He clears his throat and stands up. “I think we’ve gone over enough for today. Try to practice a little at home and I’ll see you all next week.”
His throat is suddenly dry and his palms are getting clammy as he gathers his music sheets together, tapping them against the piano to straighten them up, then doing it again and again until he notices it’s quiet. Minseok’s standing at the piano now, elbows resting on top and smile still in place. Chanyeol tries to remember what opening line he’d used on Baekhyun. He’s drawing a blank though.
“I think you missed your calling as a soprano.” Minseok beats him to it and he feels his ears burn a little bit.
“Yeah, well, I doubt you could do much better.”
Minseok’s eyes light up. “Try me.”
“What?”
“Go ahead, play the highest note in the song.”
Chanyeol scoffs a bit but plays the note for him. He’s left staring in awe when Minseok hits it perfectly, and even goes a bit higher. “I think you missed your calling as a soprano. Feel like joining the choir? You’d fit right in.”
Minseok socks him in the arm lightly. “Just because my face looks like a teenager’s doesn’t mean I am one.”
They laugh but then a lull falls between them and Chanyeol starts to feel fidgety. This is probably where he should start asking about dreams, but it was one thing to stand in front of Baekhyun and say those things for pretend, and another to stand in front of Minseok and wait for a real response. He just wants this to be perfect so badly and be everything he’s been waiting for and thinking of.
“So,” Minseok begins before he can say anything, fingers tapping on the piano top. “Word on the street is that I have a soulmate. My sister and my mom call me every day asking me if I’ve dreamt of you yet.”
“Oh God.” Chanyeol buries his face in his arms. “I can’t believe Soomin told you! And told your mom!” His cheeks flame at the thought of them talking about him. None of the scenarios had had Soomin and their mother included in them.
Minseok laughs. “They’re just excited and can’t help it. They like you a lot, by the way.”
The good news lessens his embarrassment a bit. Just a bit. He still wants to dig a hole in the ground and hide in it though. Except, when he looks up, Minseok is still standing there laughing and even leans his chin on the palm of his hand, looking quite comfortable. “Wait, you’re okay with all of this? I mean, you’re here and not avoiding me for the rest of your life?”
“Well, it’s kind of weird, but, I don’t know. I’ve been working until late at night recently and I can’t remember what any of my dreams were about, or if I even had any. Maybe I just missed it.”
Chanyeol can only stare. “So what you’re saying is….?”
“So what I’m saying is, are you doing anything for dinner tomorrow night?” Minseok smiles and it looks so wonderful.
“Are… are you asking me out?”
“You went and talked to my sister about being my soulmate and you’re getting all shy because I asked you to dinner?”
He snaps out of his daze. “Yes, dinner. Of course. Yes!”
“Perfect!” Minseok pulls his phone out and slides it over to Chanyeol. “Give me your number so we can meet up.”
He inputs his number and in a moment of bravado, takes a picture of himself and saves it with his contact information. “There, now you can’t forget me.”
“My turn.” Minseok holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers impatiently as Chanyeol digs the phone out of his pocket. Minseok puts his number in but then turns and takes a picture of himself with Chanyeol in the background. “There, now you can’t forget this moment.”
Chanyeol’s heart skips a couple beats.
“Are you guys done yet?” Soomin’s head pokes around the doorway.
“Coming!” Minseok calls to her and gives Chanyeol a sheepish smile as he hands the phone back. “Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Chanyeol waves as he disappears and then looks at the picture on his phone. He’s staring at Minseok in it and Minseok’s smiling brightly and he doesn’t see how he could ever forget this. He closes the photo and pulls up his conversation window with Baekhyun.
FROM: CHANYEOL
He asked me out!!!!
FROM: BAEKHYUN
Woo!
Wait, HE asked you out?
You didn’t ask him out?
Why the hell did you make me practice with you then?!
Chanyeol doesn’t reply. He’s too busy walking on top of clouds.
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