James' Birth Story
Monday: I was not in a good place. I posted on Monday (I think) about being scared and there were a lot of things boiling up. I got the suggestion to look through Birthing From Within which I'd read years ago, but hadn't touched since. I was also using my tens unit on the ankle/foot induction points for quite awhile through the day. I ended up reading about 3 pages of the book and just losing it. I cried, I wrote pages and pages in my journal about all that I was feeling. My faith and trust in God has been sorely tested and rocked in the last few years. If I ever look like I have my faith together, please understand that I don't. What I have is a stubborn determination to not lose faith completely, although there are a lot of times when it's all I can to hang on. Stubborn? Me? I know, but in this case stubborn is a good thing. This all matters, because I had to let go and accept that I was not in control of the outcome and trust God to get me through, and accept that it may not be "all right" in the end. Jonathan got home and I talked to him about it, and had him read what I'd written. I was having contractions when I kept the tens machine on, but they didn't stick around when I took it off. He called his parents and I admitted that I didn't want to say "come/don't come" because it was a burden if they came and I didn't go into labor, but they decided to come anyway and arrived after we went to bed. I was exhausted from the week+ of prodromal labor (false labor) and the only progress I'd seen were teensy bits of mucus plug lost over the previous week or two. Really nothing worth noting, and that he'd really dropped (but I was doing squats and bouncing on the ball etc to get him to drop) and also doing some other things to get his head in a good position. I thought "we're in for another week" because I wasn't sure anything had changed or that I really had "let go". It's amazing how powerful the mind is on labor.
My take on my 3.5 hour labor...
Tuesday (early): So 2am rolls around and the house is quiet and I get up to pee and I start having contractions like I'd been having all day with the tens, but these hurt and just kept coming. It wasn't extremely regular at first, but it was regular enough (between 5-7 minutes and lasting a minute). After a few of them I couldn't stay in bed anymore for them, and I ended up leaning my head/arms/chest on the ball and legs on the ground, then getting back in bed to rest but I kept saying to myself "go with the pain, let go, let him move, don't fight the pain" which I think helped everything move as fast as it did. When we're in pain we tend to tense up and fight it, but I was able to not do that. Eventually I was too tired to even get up off the floor and at 3am I told Jonathan to fill the pool and I rocked my way through another 45 minutes of those contractions until there was enough water to get in the pool. At 4am I got out to pee, heard a "plop" and told Jonathan to turn on the light and I wiped- tons of blood and the mucus plug was finally gone! Jonathan called the midwife who said she'd call back in 30 minutes to check. Back in and out of the tub and contractions were getting closer and more painful. She calls at 4:30 and after talking to Jonathan says she's already left (she's about an hour away). Around 5am my MIL (Charlene) woke up and started hanging out/helping out (note that James was born at 5:26am). I was HURTING at this point and thinking "this can't go on for 12 more hours because I'm too tired" not really getting that with the contractions only 1-2 minutes apart it wasn't going to be 12 more hours. The water helped, but it was more that it helped me move, rather than helping the pain. I had to go to the bathroom again, so I got up and Jonathan sat with me in the bathroom and there I started to yell and yelling felt so good! It made the pain more tolerable! I was pushing at that point, but trying not to because the midwife wasn't there yet. I asked to go back to bed because the contractions weren't stopping (they ended, then started immediately) and I was needing to lay down but walking HURT. I lay in bed on my side, had 2 or 3 contractions (again, right on top of each other) and my water broke. Jonathan went out to the kitchen to call the midwife (so he could hear) and she said she was 5 minutes away and he told her I was feeling like pushing (I don't really remember this part). After he got back I yelled at Jonathan to get get his suit on and he didn't get it for a second until I said I wanted him in the tub with me. Charlene helped me get back in the tub, and he got changed and got in too, and I had more contractions, more yelling, hanging onto the edge of the tub. Jonathan told his mom to wake my mom (how did she sleep through the yelling?!) and as she did she saw the midwife pull up (apparently the midwife told her assistant that she was just running in with a pair of gloves). We heard the door alarm beep and the midwife walked in and I said I needed to push but that I didn't think I was fully dilated (or something like that- I needed reassurance) and she said "if you need to push, then you're dilated, go ahead" and I did- next contraction I let go and went with what my body said and his head came out (it does feel like a ring of fire). Next contraction hit and I nearly came out of the pool but she pushed my back down to keep his head under water. She then said to push him out and he slid out, Jonathan caught him. 5:26am The assistant midwife finally made it in with all the medical equipment right as James let out his first cry. I flipped over, and took him in my arms :) He was so beautiful and tiny. It still hurt a lot, but it was okay because he was here, crying and safe. 7lbs10oz, 19" long :) 39 weeks, 5 days gestation (so only 2 days before his due date). A fun fact is that he was born with 2 true knots in his cord.
Jonathan's thoughts:
We were in the pool and Sarah was holding onto the edge and I wasn't doing anything but sitting there. I didn't want to touch her because she'd already yelled at me for touching her leg while she was on the bed after her water broke. So the midwife came in and gave Sarah the okay to push and she starts pushing. I put my hands between her legs and felt a little skull. I looked up at my mom and said "there's the head" and then Sarah gave another push and his body came out into my arms, except his legs. The midwife said "pull him out, Dad" but he was stuck so I didn't want to pull. The midwife said "one more push" and out he came. He was a perfect little baby with his eyes open, and his mouth open under the water. He was looking at me. I pulled him up out of the water and instantly started to cry. Sarah rolled over and I gave him to Sarah and we were both so overwhelmed and so happy we couldn't speak. It was the coolest and most awesome experience, catching James. And everyone was in their pj's :)
Round up:
I think it was an experience that was awe inspiring and so positive for all of us, including the grandmas who were both there. It was so joy filled. We are praising and thanking God constantly. I didn't have an "instant fix" to my struggles with faith and trust, but I didn't expect that it would. I don't know what will happen, but I will continue to struggle on, putting my faith and trust in God. It's a growing experience and I choose to continue to walk the path.
While snuggling my perfect, amazing, awesome sons. :)
Plenty of Pictures from a professional photoshoot of James and the rest of the family.