What To Do.....
Bill and I sat down today to have a talk. I guess I have been giving him to much time to think. I should have been the one thinking. Anyways, he came up with that maybe I need time to figure out where we are going. He brought up that maybe I’d be happier being single. It has been a while since I was in a relationship. He has given me a couple of days to figure out if I want to stay together or not. I like him I really do, but at the same time I don’t know if I am ready for a relationship again. Maybe I am just scared. He said the things I have been thinking for a while now. I just don’t want to hurt him. I know how he feels for me. Either way, he is going to get hurt. If I am truthful or if I drag this out. I haven’t been put into a spot like this for a while. Now the thought of us not being together is giving me two different thoughts (a) I won’t have to hide what is going on between trouble and I and (b) I don’t know if I want this to be over. What should I do? I am writing this like somebody is going to give me the right answers. I think I am writing it just to get my thoughts down so I can view everything and figure something out. Nobody has the right answers. Lets view things real quick:
Pros Cons
He is a good guy. I’d just end up hurting him.
He truly cares about me. I don’t really feel anything.
Its more then just sex for once. I don’t even want to sleep with him.
I can talk to him about anything. Its more of a friendship.
He doesn’t think I am crazy. I have feelings for someone else.
Maddison approves of him. Does that really matter?
I have already cheated on him.
I constantly think of trouble.
Ok, so, that didn’t really help. I just found reason why I don’t want to be with him. Maybe its one of those things that I have to let him go and see if I want to be with him. In the beginning it was great. I loved hanging out with him. We had so much fun. It just got old quick. We have only been together a short amount of time and I ready to bounce out. I know it’ll hurt him seeing me with other guys (even though we’ll just be hanging out), but I can’t way this decision of his feelings. I have to figure out what I want for my self. I know that sounds selfish, but is it really fair to stay in something because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If I did that, I’d end up hurting him more then just letting him go. I have already figured out that he deserves better then me. Why drag him along while I want somebody else. This is my opening that I was looking for. I don’t want to stay in this relationship and later down the road look back and realize that I have been cheating on him the whole time. Which is what would happen. I know that I can’t stop what I am doing with trouble, well I can, but don’t want to. Why should I keep him on the side waiting for me to figure out what I am going to do. If I take this chance now, maybe he won’t be hurt. He offered it to me. I should just take it and if I realize down the road I was wrong, go back. You have to look at every angle before deciding things, right? Right. I’d be happier and not feel so tied down. I have gotten use to being single and I kind of like it. I don’t feel guilty for the things I say and do.
Pros Cons
He is a good guy. I’d just end up hurting him.
He truly cares about me. I don’t really feel anything.
Its more then just sex for once. I don’t even want to sleep with him.
I can talk to him about anything. Its more of a friendship.
He doesn’t think I am crazy. I have feelings for someone else.
Maddison approves of him. Does that really matter?
I have already cheated on him.
I constantly think of trouble.
Ok, so, that didn’t really help. I just found reason why I don’t want to be with him. Maybe its one of those things that I have to let him go and see if I want to be with him. In the beginning it was great. I loved hanging out with him. We had so much fun. It just got old quick. We have only been together a short amount of time and I ready to bounce out. I know it’ll hurt him seeing me with other guys (even though we’ll just be hanging out), but I can’t way this decision of his feelings. I have to figure out what I want for my self. I know that sounds selfish, but is it really fair to stay in something because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If I did that, I’d end up hurting him more then just letting him go. I have already figured out that he deserves better then me. Why drag him along while I want somebody else. This is my opening that I was looking for. I don’t want to stay in this relationship and later down the road look back and realize that I have been cheating on him the whole time. Which is what would happen. I know that I can’t stop what I am doing with trouble, well I can, but don’t want to. Why should I keep him on the side waiting for me to figure out what I am going to do. If I take this chance now, maybe he won’t be hurt. He offered it to me. I should just take it and if I realize down the road I was wrong, go back. You have to look at every angle before deciding things, right? Right. I’d be happier and not feel so tied down. I have gotten use to being single and I kind of like it. I don’t feel guilty for the things I say and do.