Don't Know What To Say......

[yellowgirl83]

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what I am going to do. I still haven’t come up with something. Everybody has been putting their two cents in and its not helping. Its hard enough to figure out what I want. With everyone’s opinions its just getting my mind more boggled. I know that I don’t want to hurt him, I am scared that in the long run I am going to hurt him or fuck him over. Its in my nature I can’t help it. I know that he deserves so much better then me. Even if he doesn’t see it. There is nothing special about me. Why do I do this to my self? I should be able to make decisions real easy. Here I sit, here I think and yet I can’t come up with an answer. What the hell is wrong with me. For his safety I should just let it go now before he gets anymore feelings. I don’t want to break his heart or fuck him over. I know that in the end that is what it would be. I am not the best person. Once I figure out that I can walk all over someone, I do. I take advantage of ever nice guy I have ever been with. I use them for what ever I can. I have always know that I am not the best person. I am a very selfish person when it comes down to it. I think that is why I always go with the guys I know will break my heart, because they don’t let me walk all over them. They let me push them to the limit and then they push back. That is what I need. I need some one that I can’t walk all over. In the end, I am just looking out for him anyways. I really do care about him. That is why I don’t want to drag him along and hurt him. Am I just trying to justify what I am doing? My brain is so fried right now. I always put myself into this situation and make the wrong choice. If only I had the answers. If only I could see both sides further down the road. Find out where each side would end up at. Like that would ever happen. What the hell am I think?

Jen
The one who can’t make a decision.