Distorted Perception
There's a lot going on, in my life and a lot of garbage circulating in my head. And as I mull over and debate posting about it. I realize if I don't share some of it will just manifest itself further and make me crazier, and while some of I'm not eager to share I have to at least put out there into the universe some of my fear.
Background about two weeks ago I went to the doctor in excruciating pain, which was diagnosed as a ruptured cyst. That was on a Monday, while mike was 'helpful' and came home early some nites, and brought me home dinner one night. He wasn't consistent abotu it. Oh and I still had to put Nechama to bed, so how did that 'help' my being in pain and needing help lifting her and stuff.
Last sunday, Mike was out all day at a concert. I meant ALL DAY. And then his idiot friend slept on our couch that nite(I have tons to vent about this friend but I'll save that for another time.)
And I've been cooking some semblance of dinner every nite because it's the nine days. While nothing is fancy or super complicated, it's just draining when I haven't felt my best.
So over shabbos Mike offers today to take Nechama out of the house for the day, as he finally realizes HOW MUCH I've been doing. And that I've had her A LOT without a break. Admittedly, I do work, and I left her more than I would like by the babysitter($$), however it was in relation to getting things done and a touch of 'me' time.
So he took her to his parents today. I'm really greatful for the 'break' but I feel lazy and completely non-effective when all I did was make dinner, and pick up a little in the house. I did catch up on a tv show that I completely missed, so far this season. And then I felt guilty that I didn't spend time with Nechama all day.
Some distorted fragments, not that I dislike my inlaws I have a VERY low tolerance in general. I'm sooo greatful my fil seems to be doing much better. The piece I think that looks really messed up, the last two times my husband has gone out to see my inlaws I have not joined them. Today was a 'break' and about a month ago I was in Atlantic City for the day with my dad. Our relationship is as stable as it's ever been, as frightening as that is a statement. Maybe I'm just looking for craziness.
Another fragement, without getting into it, as I'm not really sure what to expect. I have my follow up with my doctor tommorrow, about the ruptured cyst and all that fun stuff. I don't know what to expect, not out of an exam per se, but potentially this relates to ttc. I'm not sure if I should be anxious or excited, as I may get an earlier referral than thought to a specialist. Or who knows what the course of action will be. But I've been anxious all weekend, which is also why Mike took Nechama to give me some thinking/processing time. I'm super agitated, and anxious. While this appointment is probably nothing, it could be the beginning of a new direction in my life and my relationship with Mike.
Background about two weeks ago I went to the doctor in excruciating pain, which was diagnosed as a ruptured cyst. That was on a Monday, while mike was 'helpful' and came home early some nites, and brought me home dinner one night. He wasn't consistent abotu it. Oh and I still had to put Nechama to bed, so how did that 'help' my being in pain and needing help lifting her and stuff.
Last sunday, Mike was out all day at a concert. I meant ALL DAY. And then his idiot friend slept on our couch that nite(I have tons to vent about this friend but I'll save that for another time.)
And I've been cooking some semblance of dinner every nite because it's the nine days. While nothing is fancy or super complicated, it's just draining when I haven't felt my best.
So over shabbos Mike offers today to take Nechama out of the house for the day, as he finally realizes HOW MUCH I've been doing. And that I've had her A LOT without a break. Admittedly, I do work, and I left her more than I would like by the babysitter($$), however it was in relation to getting things done and a touch of 'me' time.
So he took her to his parents today. I'm really greatful for the 'break' but I feel lazy and completely non-effective when all I did was make dinner, and pick up a little in the house. I did catch up on a tv show that I completely missed, so far this season. And then I felt guilty that I didn't spend time with Nechama all day.
Some distorted fragments, not that I dislike my inlaws I have a VERY low tolerance in general. I'm sooo greatful my fil seems to be doing much better. The piece I think that looks really messed up, the last two times my husband has gone out to see my inlaws I have not joined them. Today was a 'break' and about a month ago I was in Atlantic City for the day with my dad. Our relationship is as stable as it's ever been, as frightening as that is a statement. Maybe I'm just looking for craziness.
Another fragement, without getting into it, as I'm not really sure what to expect. I have my follow up with my doctor tommorrow, about the ruptured cyst and all that fun stuff. I don't know what to expect, not out of an exam per se, but potentially this relates to ttc. I'm not sure if I should be anxious or excited, as I may get an earlier referral than thought to a specialist. Or who knows what the course of action will be. But I've been anxious all weekend, which is also why Mike took Nechama to give me some thinking/processing time. I'm super agitated, and anxious. While this appointment is probably nothing, it could be the beginning of a new direction in my life and my relationship with Mike.