(no subject)
I thought women were the only ones that could change their minds at random, although we would never admit to you face. But Jezzz…one minute I have been told that there are just some days when I really shouldn’t be around, and that it would be best if I wasn’t there all the time…so that’s what I did, I put my distance in, and stayed a way…I had my fun, like I said I was here to do. I know that jealousy has set in, and that it kills to see me with someone else…but it’s not in the context of ‘being’ with someone, as much as it is, me just hanging out and talking…what am I suppose to do, sit alone, because he doesn’t know if he wants me around, but knows he doesn’t want me with anyone else…makes a very confusing situation for me…but in the same I can play it off as just having fun, be with him while he is here and what not…but that doesn’t do go for me and my hidden away feelings that I have so well mastered the past week seems foolish and unneeded…suppose its time for another talk, before things get to far off, and I get too attached and have to deal with this all over again…I just knew what he was thinking…I cant get the other night out of my head…I wonder what she means to him…obviously he means a lot to her, and he has said he loved her, but its hard to catch those feelings from him, when he is around me…I know there is so much he is feeling and I know he is confused too…as well I wish he would confide in me, and tell me what he feels truly…because I know when he is with me, he wants to be with me and me only, but then the prospect of him being with her, all he wants is her, and that’s it…I have had this situation before my self, so I can almost guarantee that is what has happened…
On another note, my long lost love has surface again…I wonder what I should do about him…I know deep in my heart that I couldn’t ever be with him…or at least that is what I think, just because of the major trust issues I have with him. Its hard, but once again I though I mastered my own feelings for him, and that I could stand to not be with out him…but damn…there is just something about him that draws me and I can’t get away…but consequently this happened with someone else as well…so the above paragraph could almost be seen in me. I almost do know what to do, but I don’t…right now one lives no more then a 5 min walk from me…who is going to be 2 hours away next semester…the other is now almost 2 hours away at school, who drives home every weekend to work, which would put him almost 3 hours away…to me distance doesn’t mean a damn thing…I do know that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but the distance seems to put a barrier between people…I don’t ever see this barrier…when I am with someone I am with them whether they are next to me or in another country…just being able to say that I am with so-and-so gives me comfort when they are away, because I can say they are mine…Some times I wonder why no one thinks like I do sometimes…it would make things a lot easier…because consideration, patience, love, and trust would be used so often that the room we would be sitting in would cause suffocation from the emotion in the air…I know I sound kindda sappy, but it would be so easy that way…ehhh but my wish for someone like that is way off…that would be almost the perfect person, and we all know that couldn’t happen…so ill still to my almost near almost perfect guys!