(no subject)
sick in bed all day alone finding out what it feels like to regret shit. do NOT suggest. i probably should've taken an hour every few months to sift through some of this shit instead of tackling six years at once. or just blacked out more often. fuck, what a waste of energy. im regretting not regretting GET ME OUT THIS IS WHY I WANT TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME. i remember objecting to a psychiatrist when i was fifteen based on the idea that psychiatric medication would alter my personality, my being, and therefore make me feel untrue to myself. fuck letting a weird fifteen year old decide if he's seeing a doctor or not. i havent felt this crazy in weeks thanks to this shockingly effective medicine and goddamnit if i ever thought i would miss it i was miserably wrong. fuck adverbs and modifiers and languagea sl;dkfn this is not going in the right direction AT ALL we're on something worse than a dead end road this is a one way to those shaky suffocating nights in jail with burning unclosable fucking eyes and cold sweat and who the FUCK is "we"?? shiiiiiiiiiiit.
whichever shoulder the jesus is on it's obvious he tripped too much and has long since succumbed to apathy. i see him lying down slowly flitting his hand in a go-ahead motion and at the same time shrugging his shoulders with the "shit dont ask me" look.
the devil is starting to get fat and looking at porn on his computer and reminding me how to fix EVERYTHING and keeps insisting we'll worry about that later. fuck it. they'll get over it. if they dont, fuck em. stop asking me questions you know the answer to dumbass. go hang out with jesus.
dude im chilling. hand motion again.
ive really got to get out of this head because ive been thinking for a really long time and have completely lost all my answers to all the important questions. i changed that from "my head" to "this head." is this the kind of shit you talk to a doctor about or is this just the identity crisis phase of life? how did i just use the word you? is it possible to use you in first person? oh my GOD what kind of creature pulls at the seams of it's own fucking reality like this I DONT WANT TO ASK ANY MORE QUESTIONS WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING THATS A FUCKING QUESTION ASF;LKNJAGWR4G"I WANT TO WATCH BEAUTY AND THE BEAST BECAUSE HES SO CHARMINGLY MISUNDERSTOOD" what in the shit fuck hell i truly hope livejournal is dead. i will tell myself this so i can continue to use it for my therapeutic slobber. it's unfortunate that i type faster than i write. and that im too fucking sad and stupid and shortsighted to just type this in a word file and keep it to myself.
let's be sure to include as much self-deprecation as we can because in the off chance another conscious being reads this, it should theoretically create more opportunities for them to either insist the opposite or agree, thereby achieving VALIDATION. how fucking unsasatisfying is that, man? my tongue hurts i quit
whichever shoulder the jesus is on it's obvious he tripped too much and has long since succumbed to apathy. i see him lying down slowly flitting his hand in a go-ahead motion and at the same time shrugging his shoulders with the "shit dont ask me" look.
the devil is starting to get fat and looking at porn on his computer and reminding me how to fix EVERYTHING and keeps insisting we'll worry about that later. fuck it. they'll get over it. if they dont, fuck em. stop asking me questions you know the answer to dumbass. go hang out with jesus.
dude im chilling. hand motion again.
ive really got to get out of this head because ive been thinking for a really long time and have completely lost all my answers to all the important questions. i changed that from "my head" to "this head." is this the kind of shit you talk to a doctor about or is this just the identity crisis phase of life? how did i just use the word you? is it possible to use you in first person? oh my GOD what kind of creature pulls at the seams of it's own fucking reality like this I DONT WANT TO ASK ANY MORE QUESTIONS WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING THATS A FUCKING QUESTION ASF;LKNJAGWR4G"I WANT TO WATCH BEAUTY AND THE BEAST BECAUSE HES SO CHARMINGLY MISUNDERSTOOD" what in the shit fuck hell i truly hope livejournal is dead. i will tell myself this so i can continue to use it for my therapeutic slobber. it's unfortunate that i type faster than i write. and that im too fucking sad and stupid and shortsighted to just type this in a word file and keep it to myself.
let's be sure to include as much self-deprecation as we can because in the off chance another conscious being reads this, it should theoretically create more opportunities for them to either insist the opposite or agree, thereby achieving VALIDATION. how fucking unsasatisfying is that, man? my tongue hurts i quit