Another Update!
Let’s see… It has been awhile since I last wrote! Things are really picking up in my life. I am happy for it. Like my life has finally gotten back on track once again. Took some time and a lot of effort to do it, but I did indeed do it. So here is the sum up of what has happened.
I was dating a very handsome and wonderful man named Cross. He was almost close to perfect for me in almost everyway possible. We had the same interests. We had the same career in mind. We were just a female and male version of each other. We dated only a little over 2 months. The only one thing that didn’t work was he effort to meet and get to know my family. I meet his family and talked with them 3 times out of the 5. His family and me got along great, and seems that they really liked me. I think we would have worked out great. Sure I wasn’t in love with him yet, but I was starting to fall in love with him. Plus also another thing happened… He cheated on me. We tried to work pass it. It was just so hard on me to try forgive and forget. It just kept coming up in my mind. I last a month with it trying so hard to get over it but I couldn’t. I never got angry at him and we never fought about it. We never fought actually… Not once! We broke up and we are still friends. We said we would try to date once again when our lives were not as crazy. We even made a vow in couple years we would try for a baby together. That is when we are both ready, and even if we are not together. He is getting older and wants to have a baby by the time he is 32. He is 5 years older than me and around that time is when I would like to start having kids. So we said if we were not in a relationship with other people we would try together. Share everything 50/50. It’s just my back-up plan due to the fact, I just really want one child of my own. I care for Cross very much, I hope he finds the one who can love him as much as he loved me. Plus I pray he can love her back the same, as I couldn’t do for him.
I have been going to see and hang out with mike a lot. For those who don’t know, Mike and Me dated for 15 months. His and I longest relationship so far. I really did love him very much and deeply. Our relationship fell apart because of reasons on both sides. I am big enough to say how I treated him wasn’t the best and that I was wrong. I just never had to deal with some like him before, so such extremes. I finally came to realize that it wasn’t going to work and left the relationship. Mike has his own stuff to deal with, as much as I wanted to still be part of his life even if just as a friend. I tried to talk with him and be nice and everything, it just didn’t work. After 9 months, him and I finally started to talk to each other with no worries. We were able to become friends, like I hoped and wished for. So we hang out, do go clubbing together, and all that jazz. I finally am so happy for it all. It was hard thou during the break-up to not try to go back to him. That was a consent inner battle for myself that I was able to win. I was very hurt and sad. Plus having a few people try to talk to me about him and how he was doing. I handle it as best as I could. 5 people talked to me about him… 2 of those 5 people pleaded and begged me never to tell him. After breaking up with him… I changed. I looked at life different and change my personality for the better. I was this new person that with Mike’s help was able to finally come thru. As this new person I swore and vow to never tell mike who they were.
This weekend I went to see Mike and visit. We talked about our past together and everything, something I think we both needed to have the closure we need. I told him about people talking to me about him when we first broke-up and he wasn’t doing the greatest. He kept trying his hardest to get those names from me. He got a few names, but those names that I swore and vowed to protect… I still am. It took me to lie to mike, which I hate to do, to protect them. I am a woman of my word. For those you know who you are, I am still holding our secret. I won’t tell for now. I say for now, because maybe one day when mike and me become closer as friends, I will let him in. For now I had to lie to him, which is now eating away at me. Making me feel really depressed and sad. I sometimes even feel psychically sick! I am not one to lie, which in most cases I am pretty bad at! I start to laugh and smile when trying to lie, but if it’s important I can mange to lie like a pro. I don’t feel great about it at all. I am truly sorry Mike, but I hope you can understand. I know he will find out, when he does that is when I will actually tell him I am sorry. For now all I can do try to deal with this.
So after Cross and I broke-up I decided to only date females now, I am bisexual. I decided this due to the fact that most of my best relationships are with females and females always seem to treat me so much better than males. As well I wanted to take a break from males. Plus I hate to say it; I was the one who ended all my female relationships when there was nothing really wrong in the relationship. Actually everything was great, I just didn’t want to be tied down at the time. Now I want to see where that kind of relationship can lead. Who knows maybe I was meant to be with a female and not a male. Could be the reason why all my male relationship never worked when I put so much effort into them. Could be the reason why all my female relationships worked and I just bailed out of them. I won’t know until I actually try.
My family life is as well as can be. The only thing is that Hope is still Hope, detaching herself from us. Nothing we can do there since she is her own person and makes her own choices that she has to live with. In all baby number 14 will be due any day now, but for sure on the 21st. I am so exciting for it. As well as watching out for my prego Carrie. She is so cute when she is pregnant. *huggles her* Just in all having a great time with everyone.
Work is going well, I will be done with my contract soon. Then I think I will try to work on all my dread orders. I have started to work on my business proposal for my dread business as well. Saving and everything for school in the fall plus the move as well. Well that is everything for now.