A Promise For My Heart... Should I Make It?

[xvomitxcandyx]

Well, I have been putting off answering someone’s request. That someone is special to me in so many ways! I care for him very deeply, and love him ever so much. He can make me smile when I am next to tears. He can make me laugh when I am in a rage. He can calm me down when the storm inside me seems to be taken over. His soft voice is like the gentle wind against my ear. He is everything I have ever wanted and dream of in a person. He may sound almost too amazing and perfect. He is so amazing, yet he is not perfect. His imperfections are what I love about him the most. How he is so scared to make the first move and be rejected. How he is so shy to say what really is in his heart. How he’d rather stay your friend then to try venturing to see if there is more to it than friendship. How when he does after a long time of thinking about making a move, he finally gets the courage to make that move. How he gets so emotional when things don’t turn out the way he planned or hoped for. It’s not a bad emotional, it’s a sweet angelic emotional. He just stays quiet for a while thinking about what just happened, his breathing always slow and soft. He even sometimes starts to write out his feelings. Through poems, songs, and stories. This is what makes him amazing. He has feelings for me, which he confessed to a month ago. I told him I wasn’t ready just yet to get into another relationship. I want to be able to be fully healed from my first heartbreak. Leaving me able and willing to love with my whole heart and to the fullest of my heart. I don’t want to get into a relationship too soon, just to help heal my heartache. I want to be able to do it on my own. So until I am ready, I have decided to stay single. My dearest, I have told him all these reasons as to why I can’t be with him how he would like. I do love him, but just not the way he loves me. I can admit that slowly with time that our friendship has blossomed, that the seed of love has been planted. I can feel that same feeling I had not to long ago, when I was with my first true love. Just it not as big, it doesn’t engulf me fully. I only ever felt a love like that once. Where it engulfed me body, mind, and soul! It was the best high I have ever felt, that high of being in love with someone so much and having be returned. Maybe with time and work we could be like that, but when I am ready. After letting him down as gently and as best as I could. He was really hurt, as much as I wanted to not hurt him. I knew that it was going to happen no matter what I said or did! I could not have hurt him by simply lying to him and being with him. That was the move and mistake I didn’t want to do. It would have been unfair to myself and to him as well. I didn’t want that for him or myself. After his love confession, our friendship was a bit off set by it. We kind of laughed about it after a time and realized it was silly. We decided not to let it ruin our awesome friendship, and went on with how our normal friendship was. After about 2 week from his confession. He asked me to make him a promise. To promise that when I am ready and willing to love again and to be with someone, that he will be the first person I let know and give him a chance. His words were “Promise me something Haven. That I will be the first person you will be with when you are ready to date again” That was so sweet of him to ask that. I didn’t give him an answer; I have been putting off since then. I just told him I need time to think about it. He brings it up from time to time. Never really trying to press me for an answer, or to make me feel pressure to give him one. He always gives me my space and time. I hold such respect for him for that, for I have never met anyone who is as patience as him. I know I need to give him an answer soon. I don’t want to keep him in the dark much longer. I am just confused about it all! I feel that if I say, “Yes” to his promise it’s basically saying, “yes” to dating him. Just we aren’t together just yet, until I say we are. The commitment is still there, as if we are in a relationship… I just don’t want to be a hypocrite! Saying I don’t want to be with someone… and then making a promise like that and still be committed to that person as if we were dating! I know I need to give him an answer soon. I just don’t know what to choose. I am scared to hurt him yet again by rejecting him for a second time. He even sent me a YouTube video with the lyrics for a song; he heard that reminds him of me every time he hears it. Here it is!

Click to view

"Vulnerable"
By: Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
Because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality
And it's true I can't go on without you
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror what I see

And you're slowly shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

Slow down girl -- you're not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

It’s so sweet! He really does care for me… I am just so confused, cause I can’t love or care for him how he does for me. I don’t think I ever could… I just need to give him answer! He has been this patience already for it, he has earned it twice over for an answer from me.