The Drive Back Home
Title: The Drive Back Home
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoonsic
Summary: Car Talk
A/N: All the law stuff may not be accurate.
[Where's home?]
The Drive Back Home
When Jessica got into the BMW that was waiting for her in the carpark, she immediately felt that something was odd. It wasn’t the half-hearted mumbled greeting or the lazy tone; it was something she couldn’t exactly put a finger to, but something very odd all the same. And when she settled into her seat, buckled up the seatbelt and adjusted herself into a comfortable position, Yoona didn’t start driving.
“Yoong?”
“Oh, sorry. Italian restaurant? It’s pretty far though.”
“Sure, I’m okay with that.”
Yoona nodded, released the clutch and turned the steering wheel to begin driving them out of the carpark. Jessica observed Yoona with mild curiosity, and wondered if it was result of the unannounced tardiness. Yoona probably waited for around twenty minutes, but there was a good reason-- work. Some last minute documents that had to be studied for the case she was working on and informing Yoona of it had slipped Jessica’s mind.
Yet, something about Yoona’s demeanor told her that that wasn’t the cause.
As they drove out onto the main road, Jessica broke her gaze on Yoona. It was pointless; Yoona was undecipherable today, so she chose to look out of the window instead and counted the cars they passed absent-mindedly. Her cluelessness was secretly bugging her, at the back of her mind and slowly gnawing at her consciousness.
The stilled air, coupled with that cluelessness, fueled her discomfort. The car felt cramped, as though the air was compressing within and suffocating her intentionally. It wasn’t the first time she experienced this but it was never this intense before. With no way out of this confined space, she broke the silence.
“Why do you look upset? What are you thinking about?”
Yoona didn’t reply, but Jessica saw that minute difference. The way Yoona’s facial muscles contracted and her jaw clenched, it was a reaction, a subtle one.
“Must I always appear happy?”
“No, for fuck's sake. Why so defensive?” Jessica fired back, relieved that she had prepared herself for the acidic reply, “I was just asking.”
“Yeah, so?”
“What so?”
Yoona paused, and shot Jessica a quick glance before focusing back on the road, “I don't know, Jessica.”
“Jessica?”
“I think we should break up.”
Jessica stared at Yoona, incredulity taking over her defined features. Her muscles tensed up and saw that Yoona was the same. Yoona's knuckles were white against the steering wheel, the red light was up ahead and she only managed to stop the car at the last moment. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so hard, they were trembling, or maybe the whole of Yoona was trembling. Jessica wasn’t sure, not when she herself trembled.
“We should stop somewhere,” Jessica kept her voice even, although her mind was screaming and shouting; they were in the car and it was a space that wasn’t ideal for screams or shouts.
“What?”
“An accident will happen, I don't think you should drive if we're gonna talk about this.”
“Are you pretending to be calm now?” There was an obvious hint of anger in Yoona’s words, flames that licked and snarled at Jessica.
“I am calm, Yoon.”
“Fuck you then.”
“Don’t escalate this. You’re the one who isn’t calm.”
“This. You're always like this!”
“And you're always like this too.”
The exchange was turning rapid and heated, inevitable, though Jessica couldn’t help but wonder if this was pre-mediated. A talk in the car? Yoona must be crazy.
When the traffic light turned green, Yoona merely gritted her teeth and drove on, ignoring Jessica’s request of stopping somewhere.
“Must we always go at each other's throat?” A wave of her left hand out of exasperation, although Yoona did seem calmer than before, “It’s so stupid and it’s tiring me out.”
“Pull over somewhere,” the absolute tone didn’t shake Yoona as she drove on, which got on Jessica’s nerves and caused a mini explosion within her, “Why did you even choose to have this conversation in a goddamn car? A moving one no less, with you driving it. Are you a bloody idiot? Or are you trying to get us both killed? Jesus.”
“Shut up, Jessica.”
“I don't like your tone Yoon.”
But Jessica actually meant that she didn't like how Yoona chose to call her, it was the choice of name and that stranger-like tone without affection that cut her. Jessica was a name Yoona hadn't used for a long time-- she preferred Sica, Jess, sometimes even Sooyeon, but not Jessica. It was a clear indication of what really was dawning upon them.
Hurtful really but who said that being hurt meant she must break down or parade it on her face? Jessica wasn’t one to show weakness.
“There's nothing you like about me anyway.”
Yoona’s voice was quiet, with just a little spite in it.
“You're wrong.”
The silence was deafening, Jessica held her breath and waited for Yoona to curse at her and to erupt because Yoona didn’t like being told so point blank that she's wrong. But it didn't happen, instead Yoona’s expression softened, and it was almost pensive, the way she bit her lips and remained silent.
Jessica knew and she knew Yoona probably did as well. But it was unspoken, neither had an accurate idea of what drove them to this, this state and this conversation in an enclosed car. There were too many factors and none could be put into words, no matter how eloquent both of them were.
“Maybe I just don't love you anymore.”
Those piercing words cut through the tension in the car, Yoona’s doe-like eyes no longer had that glimmer and the pain shot through Jessica’s nerves with each word.
Ouch. Jessica muttered in her head.
Yoona was blunt; a quality that Jessica knew and liked because playing the guessing game was too draining. But Yoona was also blunt to a fault at times and today was one of those times. Jessica held back the tears. The hurt remained under the surface, throbbing but unnoticed.
“You're often wrong about how you feel Yoon,” she fought back, unwilling to let Yoona have the last word, and it was met with another clench of jaw.
“I may be right this time.”
Yoona eyed Jessica as she stopped at another red light, her gaze steely, and Jessica wondered how long that would last. Because Yoona was soft despite that assertive attitude, she'd probably lose this battle if she saw Jessica's hurt or if Jessica pled with her. And Jessica toyed with the thought for a moment before deciding against it. Jessica was headstrong too; she couldn't bear to show that she was breaking inside.
“You were wrong when you said that you wouldn't fall for me and you'd choose any he or she or it over me.”
That was an ongoing jibe at Yoona, whenever Jessica felt like annoying her, she would say that. And Yoona would respond in the cutest ways, but that was when they were still madly in love. It was inappropriate for this talk, she knew it would only serve to aggravate Yoona, but she chose to ignore that; maybe she wanted to aggravate Yoona, to hurt her because she was hurting now.
“I was wrong,” surprisingly, Yoona admitted it, and that wrong-footed Jessica, “Yeah you're right, why did I fall for you. We were doomed to begin with. Fuck this whole drama. Let's just break up.”
“What the fuck, Yoon?!”
First time through this ride, Jessica felt the hurt overpowered her. This conversation was sucking the life out of her, as much as she wanted to deny it, and the weakness slipped through. She shifted her gaze, turned her head and looked out of the window, glaring at nothing in particular. Tears threatened to spill and she didn’t want Yoona to see that. It would mean that Yoona won, wouldn’t it?
But Yoona noticed nothing; her focus was on the road, her peripheral vision selectively blocked out. Perhaps that was her true reason to have this talk in a moving car. To avoid Jessica's eye and reactions, to not have to look at the destruction she was causing. It was the easier way, wasn't it?
“Why's this so hard?” Jessica heard her own voice wavered, shit, she thought.
A pause, and Yoona sighed, “I don't know, Jessica.”
“You know how people cite irreconcilable differences as a divorce reason?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are we doing that now? I scoffed at people for that, I don't want to be such a loser.”
“Then you shouldn’t have scoffed. And it's not always about winning or losing, this isn't the court, Jess.”
The car jerked after Yoona uttered that sentence; Yoona had let herself call Jessica intimately again, although neither commented on it. It was a slight mistake, and Jessica knew that as much as Yoona did. A habit perhaps. But did that mean that there was still love somewhere?
Probably not.
Silence took over once more, it wasn’t uncomfortable; in fact, it almost felt normal. Silence was better than this break up talk with both of them in their suits and trying to exert dominance over the other. It would slowly turn into a lawyers’ dispute, and escalate into an all out court fight if they didn’t stop.
They frowned at the same time, as though the chemistry and love between them were still present.
It probably wasn't.
“Can't we do this nicely?”
“We could,” Jessica snapped, her blood was boiling, anger and hurt all mashed together, “If you were being nice and not throwing darts and hitting my vitals.”
“You forced me to!” Yoona hissed right back, stepping on the accelerator, the car was going a bit too fast, but Jessica couldn’t be bothered anymore; the anger blinded her, if they were to go up in flames the next moment then so be it.
“How the hell did I force you to say that falling in love with me was a mistake? I did not fucking do that! You control what you want to say!”
It was the first shout in a long time, and it reverberated around the closed space. They didn’t usually fight like this, shouts weren’t a common occurrence-- they preferred the spite and the intelligently woven attacks. Something that never ceased but progressed from mild to playful and finally to being increasingly bitter since law school.
The shout had shocked Yoona, Jessica could tell. Yoona blinked a few times, eyes that Jessica loved, but couldn’t love enough to give in. And when she saw an apology on the brink of Yoona’s expression, she knew Yoona’s mind was processing it in detail, analyzing everything at lightning quick speed and weighing each word; Yoona’s mouth formed the shape of the words but at the last moment they were swallowed back. Choked down and exterminated, lost and gone with all the other unsaid words. Jessica laughed, bitterly.
It was laughable, how they were both lawyers but had so many things unsaid between them. They had so much to say before, even if they were mean or snide remarks. Through all that, they had made up and somehow found love in them. How and when did that change?
Jessica conceded, guilty as charged, your honor. We're the worst combination of fiery tempers and bullheadedness.
But the ache remained, because there was love, even if it was long lost.
“You want to win all the time. I don’t even know why.”
“Yoona,” Jessica heard how the things had changed from the beginning of this conversation and it stung her that Yoona was no longer Yoon, Yoongie or YoonYoon, “you're the same.”
“Not as much as you.” It was starting again, the back and forth attacks on each other.
“Oh please. Moral high ground much?”
“At least I'm not despicable when it comes to winning cases. Screwing innocent people up, using technicalities. Do I have to continue? I can make a list you know.”
Something had snapped in Jessica and Yoona, the warnings were flashing red, “Yoona. Stop this.”
There was some kind of agreement, that their private arguments wouldn't involve their work, because it would prove disastrous otherwise. Things got heated enough when they argued about other subjects and with this clause breached, their relationship was likely to be unsalvageable.
Yoona didn’t care anymore, that was what it looked like to Jessica.
“You’re no saint, Yoona,” Jessica spat out, she didn’t want to care too, hell would break loose sooner or later, and she couldn’t back down now.
“Yes I'm not.”
“The accused is innocent in the eyes of law until proven guilty. We're to respect and abide by that.”
“Yep, technically. Keep telling yourself that.”
The condescending tone didn’t go down well with Jessica, “We're supposed to serve our clients without judging them and fight for their best interests! And don't fucking pretend that your clients are all angels. We don't get to choose.”
Jessica breathing was slightly labored, why must she be so forceful, why couldn’t she relent? It was ridiculous, the way they had to go at each other’s throat. It was stupid, just like what Yoona had said.
“I should've just gone ahead with corporate or something then. Bill hours behind closed doors in a sweatshop forever,” Yoona stated, a dead tone and dead expression, Jessica felt a muscle twitched.
“Funny, because that was what you dreaded back in law school.”
“And funny,” Yoona shot right back, “because you had ideals of helping the poor and bullied.”
“Fuck this reality then.”
They slinked back into silence. As if they were trying to settle the tumultuous emotions between them, but the sparks flew even when they didn’t try. They were in there too deep.
“Oh, and absolutely amusing,” Jessica blurted out, the words nearly choking her, “because you loved me and we were so in love.”
“Yeah. Hilarious.”
The ride was getting increasingly painful. All of a sudden, Jessica was weary of everything, of this so-called talk. She never knew Yoona could hurt her so, that life could damage her. Which point in the relationship had she stupidly allowed herself to start loving Yoona more than she loved her? Foolish and dumb.
A suicidal maneuver, she chided herself.
“Just drive me home.”
The air between them was cold, and Jessica felt exhausted. Yoona was too; it was so obvious to Jessica. Even if they argued and hurled hurtful words around all the time, they had known each other. It was precisely because they had such extensive understanding of each other that they managed to know exactly where to pinpoint those cutting remarks. They knew how to hurt and couldn’t stop themselves from doing it.
Yoona slowed the car down, and pulled to a stop at the side of the road. They were nowhere near the Italian restaurant, all was derailed and lost. She had drove around aimlessly ever since the conversation escalated into a full-blown fight.
There was a pregnant silence, and Jessica couldn’t predict what Yoona was going to do. Her face was blank, the lively expressions emptied out entirely. Yoona’s eyes though, bore into her with the emotions swirling. It caused a surge of yearning in Jessica and she felt this overwhelming urge to hug Yoona, to maybe pretend the talk didn’t happen. Maybe, she just didn’t want to let go because hiding beneath all those hurt and hate was love.
Maybe, just maybe, Yoona felt the same.
“Where's home?”
Yoona’s voice was quivering and Jessica felt her heart skipped a beat; something broke and there was no turning back, they couldn’t do this any longer. She caught the hint of panic mixed with the fear and heartache in Yoona's voice. It mirrored her own, and Jessica let the tears flow, finally.
“I don't know anymore.”
end
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoonsic
Summary: Car Talk
A/N: All the law stuff may not be accurate.
[Where's home?]
The Drive Back Home
When Jessica got into the BMW that was waiting for her in the carpark, she immediately felt that something was odd. It wasn’t the half-hearted mumbled greeting or the lazy tone; it was something she couldn’t exactly put a finger to, but something very odd all the same. And when she settled into her seat, buckled up the seatbelt and adjusted herself into a comfortable position, Yoona didn’t start driving.
“Yoong?”
“Oh, sorry. Italian restaurant? It’s pretty far though.”
“Sure, I’m okay with that.”
Yoona nodded, released the clutch and turned the steering wheel to begin driving them out of the carpark. Jessica observed Yoona with mild curiosity, and wondered if it was result of the unannounced tardiness. Yoona probably waited for around twenty minutes, but there was a good reason-- work. Some last minute documents that had to be studied for the case she was working on and informing Yoona of it had slipped Jessica’s mind.
Yet, something about Yoona’s demeanor told her that that wasn’t the cause.
As they drove out onto the main road, Jessica broke her gaze on Yoona. It was pointless; Yoona was undecipherable today, so she chose to look out of the window instead and counted the cars they passed absent-mindedly. Her cluelessness was secretly bugging her, at the back of her mind and slowly gnawing at her consciousness.
The stilled air, coupled with that cluelessness, fueled her discomfort. The car felt cramped, as though the air was compressing within and suffocating her intentionally. It wasn’t the first time she experienced this but it was never this intense before. With no way out of this confined space, she broke the silence.
“Why do you look upset? What are you thinking about?”
Yoona didn’t reply, but Jessica saw that minute difference. The way Yoona’s facial muscles contracted and her jaw clenched, it was a reaction, a subtle one.
“Must I always appear happy?”
“No, for fuck's sake. Why so defensive?” Jessica fired back, relieved that she had prepared herself for the acidic reply, “I was just asking.”
“Yeah, so?”
“What so?”
Yoona paused, and shot Jessica a quick glance before focusing back on the road, “I don't know, Jessica.”
“Jessica?”
“I think we should break up.”
Jessica stared at Yoona, incredulity taking over her defined features. Her muscles tensed up and saw that Yoona was the same. Yoona's knuckles were white against the steering wheel, the red light was up ahead and she only managed to stop the car at the last moment. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so hard, they were trembling, or maybe the whole of Yoona was trembling. Jessica wasn’t sure, not when she herself trembled.
“We should stop somewhere,” Jessica kept her voice even, although her mind was screaming and shouting; they were in the car and it was a space that wasn’t ideal for screams or shouts.
“What?”
“An accident will happen, I don't think you should drive if we're gonna talk about this.”
“Are you pretending to be calm now?” There was an obvious hint of anger in Yoona’s words, flames that licked and snarled at Jessica.
“I am calm, Yoon.”
“Fuck you then.”
“Don’t escalate this. You’re the one who isn’t calm.”
“This. You're always like this!”
“And you're always like this too.”
The exchange was turning rapid and heated, inevitable, though Jessica couldn’t help but wonder if this was pre-mediated. A talk in the car? Yoona must be crazy.
When the traffic light turned green, Yoona merely gritted her teeth and drove on, ignoring Jessica’s request of stopping somewhere.
“Must we always go at each other's throat?” A wave of her left hand out of exasperation, although Yoona did seem calmer than before, “It’s so stupid and it’s tiring me out.”
“Pull over somewhere,” the absolute tone didn’t shake Yoona as she drove on, which got on Jessica’s nerves and caused a mini explosion within her, “Why did you even choose to have this conversation in a goddamn car? A moving one no less, with you driving it. Are you a bloody idiot? Or are you trying to get us both killed? Jesus.”
“Shut up, Jessica.”
“I don't like your tone Yoon.”
But Jessica actually meant that she didn't like how Yoona chose to call her, it was the choice of name and that stranger-like tone without affection that cut her. Jessica was a name Yoona hadn't used for a long time-- she preferred Sica, Jess, sometimes even Sooyeon, but not Jessica. It was a clear indication of what really was dawning upon them.
Hurtful really but who said that being hurt meant she must break down or parade it on her face? Jessica wasn’t one to show weakness.
“There's nothing you like about me anyway.”
Yoona’s voice was quiet, with just a little spite in it.
“You're wrong.”
The silence was deafening, Jessica held her breath and waited for Yoona to curse at her and to erupt because Yoona didn’t like being told so point blank that she's wrong. But it didn't happen, instead Yoona’s expression softened, and it was almost pensive, the way she bit her lips and remained silent.
Jessica knew and she knew Yoona probably did as well. But it was unspoken, neither had an accurate idea of what drove them to this, this state and this conversation in an enclosed car. There were too many factors and none could be put into words, no matter how eloquent both of them were.
“Maybe I just don't love you anymore.”
Those piercing words cut through the tension in the car, Yoona’s doe-like eyes no longer had that glimmer and the pain shot through Jessica’s nerves with each word.
Ouch. Jessica muttered in her head.
Yoona was blunt; a quality that Jessica knew and liked because playing the guessing game was too draining. But Yoona was also blunt to a fault at times and today was one of those times. Jessica held back the tears. The hurt remained under the surface, throbbing but unnoticed.
“You're often wrong about how you feel Yoon,” she fought back, unwilling to let Yoona have the last word, and it was met with another clench of jaw.
“I may be right this time.”
Yoona eyed Jessica as she stopped at another red light, her gaze steely, and Jessica wondered how long that would last. Because Yoona was soft despite that assertive attitude, she'd probably lose this battle if she saw Jessica's hurt or if Jessica pled with her. And Jessica toyed with the thought for a moment before deciding against it. Jessica was headstrong too; she couldn't bear to show that she was breaking inside.
“You were wrong when you said that you wouldn't fall for me and you'd choose any he or she or it over me.”
That was an ongoing jibe at Yoona, whenever Jessica felt like annoying her, she would say that. And Yoona would respond in the cutest ways, but that was when they were still madly in love. It was inappropriate for this talk, she knew it would only serve to aggravate Yoona, but she chose to ignore that; maybe she wanted to aggravate Yoona, to hurt her because she was hurting now.
“I was wrong,” surprisingly, Yoona admitted it, and that wrong-footed Jessica, “Yeah you're right, why did I fall for you. We were doomed to begin with. Fuck this whole drama. Let's just break up.”
“What the fuck, Yoon?!”
First time through this ride, Jessica felt the hurt overpowered her. This conversation was sucking the life out of her, as much as she wanted to deny it, and the weakness slipped through. She shifted her gaze, turned her head and looked out of the window, glaring at nothing in particular. Tears threatened to spill and she didn’t want Yoona to see that. It would mean that Yoona won, wouldn’t it?
But Yoona noticed nothing; her focus was on the road, her peripheral vision selectively blocked out. Perhaps that was her true reason to have this talk in a moving car. To avoid Jessica's eye and reactions, to not have to look at the destruction she was causing. It was the easier way, wasn't it?
“Why's this so hard?” Jessica heard her own voice wavered, shit, she thought.
A pause, and Yoona sighed, “I don't know, Jessica.”
“You know how people cite irreconcilable differences as a divorce reason?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are we doing that now? I scoffed at people for that, I don't want to be such a loser.”
“Then you shouldn’t have scoffed. And it's not always about winning or losing, this isn't the court, Jess.”
The car jerked after Yoona uttered that sentence; Yoona had let herself call Jessica intimately again, although neither commented on it. It was a slight mistake, and Jessica knew that as much as Yoona did. A habit perhaps. But did that mean that there was still love somewhere?
Probably not.
Silence took over once more, it wasn’t uncomfortable; in fact, it almost felt normal. Silence was better than this break up talk with both of them in their suits and trying to exert dominance over the other. It would slowly turn into a lawyers’ dispute, and escalate into an all out court fight if they didn’t stop.
They frowned at the same time, as though the chemistry and love between them were still present.
It probably wasn't.
“Can't we do this nicely?”
“We could,” Jessica snapped, her blood was boiling, anger and hurt all mashed together, “If you were being nice and not throwing darts and hitting my vitals.”
“You forced me to!” Yoona hissed right back, stepping on the accelerator, the car was going a bit too fast, but Jessica couldn’t be bothered anymore; the anger blinded her, if they were to go up in flames the next moment then so be it.
“How the hell did I force you to say that falling in love with me was a mistake? I did not fucking do that! You control what you want to say!”
It was the first shout in a long time, and it reverberated around the closed space. They didn’t usually fight like this, shouts weren’t a common occurrence-- they preferred the spite and the intelligently woven attacks. Something that never ceased but progressed from mild to playful and finally to being increasingly bitter since law school.
The shout had shocked Yoona, Jessica could tell. Yoona blinked a few times, eyes that Jessica loved, but couldn’t love enough to give in. And when she saw an apology on the brink of Yoona’s expression, she knew Yoona’s mind was processing it in detail, analyzing everything at lightning quick speed and weighing each word; Yoona’s mouth formed the shape of the words but at the last moment they were swallowed back. Choked down and exterminated, lost and gone with all the other unsaid words. Jessica laughed, bitterly.
It was laughable, how they were both lawyers but had so many things unsaid between them. They had so much to say before, even if they were mean or snide remarks. Through all that, they had made up and somehow found love in them. How and when did that change?
Jessica conceded, guilty as charged, your honor. We're the worst combination of fiery tempers and bullheadedness.
But the ache remained, because there was love, even if it was long lost.
“You want to win all the time. I don’t even know why.”
“Yoona,” Jessica heard how the things had changed from the beginning of this conversation and it stung her that Yoona was no longer Yoon, Yoongie or YoonYoon, “you're the same.”
“Not as much as you.” It was starting again, the back and forth attacks on each other.
“Oh please. Moral high ground much?”
“At least I'm not despicable when it comes to winning cases. Screwing innocent people up, using technicalities. Do I have to continue? I can make a list you know.”
Something had snapped in Jessica and Yoona, the warnings were flashing red, “Yoona. Stop this.”
There was some kind of agreement, that their private arguments wouldn't involve their work, because it would prove disastrous otherwise. Things got heated enough when they argued about other subjects and with this clause breached, their relationship was likely to be unsalvageable.
Yoona didn’t care anymore, that was what it looked like to Jessica.
“You’re no saint, Yoona,” Jessica spat out, she didn’t want to care too, hell would break loose sooner or later, and she couldn’t back down now.
“Yes I'm not.”
“The accused is innocent in the eyes of law until proven guilty. We're to respect and abide by that.”
“Yep, technically. Keep telling yourself that.”
The condescending tone didn’t go down well with Jessica, “We're supposed to serve our clients without judging them and fight for their best interests! And don't fucking pretend that your clients are all angels. We don't get to choose.”
Jessica breathing was slightly labored, why must she be so forceful, why couldn’t she relent? It was ridiculous, the way they had to go at each other’s throat. It was stupid, just like what Yoona had said.
“I should've just gone ahead with corporate or something then. Bill hours behind closed doors in a sweatshop forever,” Yoona stated, a dead tone and dead expression, Jessica felt a muscle twitched.
“Funny, because that was what you dreaded back in law school.”
“And funny,” Yoona shot right back, “because you had ideals of helping the poor and bullied.”
“Fuck this reality then.”
They slinked back into silence. As if they were trying to settle the tumultuous emotions between them, but the sparks flew even when they didn’t try. They were in there too deep.
“Oh, and absolutely amusing,” Jessica blurted out, the words nearly choking her, “because you loved me and we were so in love.”
“Yeah. Hilarious.”
The ride was getting increasingly painful. All of a sudden, Jessica was weary of everything, of this so-called talk. She never knew Yoona could hurt her so, that life could damage her. Which point in the relationship had she stupidly allowed herself to start loving Yoona more than she loved her? Foolish and dumb.
A suicidal maneuver, she chided herself.
“Just drive me home.”
The air between them was cold, and Jessica felt exhausted. Yoona was too; it was so obvious to Jessica. Even if they argued and hurled hurtful words around all the time, they had known each other. It was precisely because they had such extensive understanding of each other that they managed to know exactly where to pinpoint those cutting remarks. They knew how to hurt and couldn’t stop themselves from doing it.
Yoona slowed the car down, and pulled to a stop at the side of the road. They were nowhere near the Italian restaurant, all was derailed and lost. She had drove around aimlessly ever since the conversation escalated into a full-blown fight.
There was a pregnant silence, and Jessica couldn’t predict what Yoona was going to do. Her face was blank, the lively expressions emptied out entirely. Yoona’s eyes though, bore into her with the emotions swirling. It caused a surge of yearning in Jessica and she felt this overwhelming urge to hug Yoona, to maybe pretend the talk didn’t happen. Maybe, she just didn’t want to let go because hiding beneath all those hurt and hate was love.
Maybe, just maybe, Yoona felt the same.
“Where's home?”
Yoona’s voice was quivering and Jessica felt her heart skipped a beat; something broke and there was no turning back, they couldn’t do this any longer. She caught the hint of panic mixed with the fear and heartache in Yoona's voice. It mirrored her own, and Jessica let the tears flow, finally.
“I don't know anymore.”
end