still she haunts me.
Does anyone ever really leave your life completely? Do you ever really stop caring about someone, stop loving someone, even if it's been a lifetime since you were together? Do connections between people ever really break up and dissolve? I thought I was over him, in fact I know I am over him, but whenever I see him I always fall back into the same old patterns of behaviour. I can't believe it; I got involved with him again. It has been more than a year since the last time - I thought I was doing so well at managing to stay away from him. The alcohol did play a part in my willingness to participate, but it's not an excuse - the second he snuggled up and wrapped his arms around me as we lay down to sleep it felt just like old times. When he started kissing my neck and caressing my skin, I wasn't surprised. I felt like I had never really left.
***
I have so much love for all of the different people around me right now, so much so that my heart threatens to burst and overflow. My life is nothing at all without the legions of people - family, friends and lovers alike - that surround me. I know how to be alone and to be content with being alone, but it is such a flat, grey existence with only your self to talk to. The people in my life colour my world, and they flesh out the dull planes of existence, turning it into something wonderful. I don't hold anything, really, to be that valuable [besides music] and these people that I love are my reason to breathe, my reason to remain on this earth. I don't know whether it's unhealthy to think this way or not, but being involved with other people and other people's lives somehow helps to keep me sane (rather than vice versa). It stops me from ruminating and thinking about myself too much [because we all know what happens then!].
I can see the good in everyone, and maybe taht's my downfall. I tend to turn a blind eye to people's flaws and faults - that is, until those flaws and faults start to impinge on my own person and life. You will find my opinion and demeanor change swiftly, then. Although, I can tend to be rather too forgiving also. It's not that I'm a doormat. I just find it difficult to stay angry long.
***
I have so much love for all of the different people around me right now, so much so that my heart threatens to burst and overflow. My life is nothing at all without the legions of people - family, friends and lovers alike - that surround me. I know how to be alone and to be content with being alone, but it is such a flat, grey existence with only your self to talk to. The people in my life colour my world, and they flesh out the dull planes of existence, turning it into something wonderful. I don't hold anything, really, to be that valuable [besides music] and these people that I love are my reason to breathe, my reason to remain on this earth. I don't know whether it's unhealthy to think this way or not, but being involved with other people and other people's lives somehow helps to keep me sane (rather than vice versa). It stops me from ruminating and thinking about myself too much [because we all know what happens then!].
I can see the good in everyone, and maybe taht's my downfall. I tend to turn a blind eye to people's flaws and faults - that is, until those flaws and faults start to impinge on my own person and life. You will find my opinion and demeanor change swiftly, then. Although, I can tend to be rather too forgiving also. It's not that I'm a doormat. I just find it difficult to stay angry long.