(no subject)
Umm so you know how I said I was going to start using this again back in like, August? Well I guess I lied haha. The whole writing my life story in some journal kinda weirded me out, but then I realized with all the shit I'm dealing with I want something to vent in. And I really don't care who reads this. Probably no one, but it helps me out so whatev!
You know that feeling you get when something really awesome happens to you? Like for example when you meet someone who has this amazing way of making you laugh when you don't even feel like smiling? It's a feeling that I've grown to both adore and hate with a passion. Whenever it happens to me, that bubble of bliss that I'm living in suddenly pops, and outta nowhere I'm left falling in mid-air without anything, or anyone, to catch me. I just don't get it. It hurts like hell, but who gives a shit right? Cuz it doesn't matter to the guy - they've moved on and already have someone else. It just pisses me off. And your friends all feel sorry for you, and apologize, and say "Oh you can do so much better. You'll find someone. You don't deserve this. Blah. Blah. Blah." Don't get me wrong, I love them to death for being there for me, but after the millionth time hearing that stuff it begins to sound a lot like, and feel a lot like, BULLSHIT. And it's not even HIM that gets to me, it's what HE did to ME. You found someone else. Who cares? But could ya let me know when that happens so I don't walk around thinking I've done something wrong? Oh wait. Sorry, I guess that's what the asshole wants me to think.
So I've come to the decision that it's just not meant for me to be happy with someone right now. And maybe that's because God knows I need to focus on other things, such as myself for a while. But I know that one day I'm gonna find the most amazing guy who loves me, pursues me, doesn't lie to me - basically makes me the center of his world. And when that day comes, I can't wait to shove it in the face of the fuckers who let me go because in reality, they're the ones missing out...not me.
You know that feeling you get when something really awesome happens to you? Like for example when you meet someone who has this amazing way of making you laugh when you don't even feel like smiling? It's a feeling that I've grown to both adore and hate with a passion. Whenever it happens to me, that bubble of bliss that I'm living in suddenly pops, and outta nowhere I'm left falling in mid-air without anything, or anyone, to catch me. I just don't get it. It hurts like hell, but who gives a shit right? Cuz it doesn't matter to the guy - they've moved on and already have someone else. It just pisses me off. And your friends all feel sorry for you, and apologize, and say "Oh you can do so much better. You'll find someone. You don't deserve this. Blah. Blah. Blah." Don't get me wrong, I love them to death for being there for me, but after the millionth time hearing that stuff it begins to sound a lot like, and feel a lot like, BULLSHIT. And it's not even HIM that gets to me, it's what HE did to ME. You found someone else. Who cares? But could ya let me know when that happens so I don't walk around thinking I've done something wrong? Oh wait. Sorry, I guess that's what the asshole wants me to think.
So I've come to the decision that it's just not meant for me to be happy with someone right now. And maybe that's because God knows I need to focus on other things, such as myself for a while. But I know that one day I'm gonna find the most amazing guy who loves me, pursues me, doesn't lie to me - basically makes me the center of his world. And when that day comes, I can't wait to shove it in the face of the fuckers who let me go because in reality, they're the ones missing out...not me.