Unexpected Encounters (4/?)
Unexpected Encounters (4/?): A Curve Ball
Pairing(s): kaisoo, side!hunhan
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama, Fiction
Summary: Found hanging onto the windowsill by his fingertips with the intention of robbing the place, Jongin isn’t sure how to explain the situation he’s in and he doesn’t fancy the idea of going to jail, and the guy who found him is kind of cute so Jongin blurts the first thing that pops in this head. “…You wanna make out?”
Sehun began his morning feeling worry knot in the pit of his stomach when he read his girlfriend’s text to him.
I’m coming over. We need to talk.
It was short, curt, and those words just don’t have a good history upon news bearing. At first Sehun had thought he was overreacting and worrying over nothing, but the voice in his head wouldn’t shut up and his thoughts wouldn’t calm. He hoped there wasn’t anything wrong.
Jongin left for classes quickly upon feeling the off-kilter mood, leaving Sehun alone with his girlfriend in the doorway. She looked beautiful as always, even with her messy hair, comfortable clothes, and her void bare of any signs of makeup. Taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze, Sehun guided her into his bedroom, the both of them taking a seat on his bed.
“You’re so pretty today,” Sehun told her, meaning every word because she really was quite beautiful and Sehun loved telling her whenever he could.
Lu Hua smiled meekly, grateful for the compliment, but still there was something eating her. Sehun watched as her soft hands ran along her pants and her eyes studying the lint in the bedroom carpet.
“So, Hua,” Sehun began, not sure how to start the conversation. “Um, you said you had something to tell me?”
“Um, yeah,” Lu Hua said, brushing a stray hair from her face. She took deep breaths but she still said nothing. She felt nervous and it didn’t help to ease Sehun’s worry.
“Take your time,” he said, sensing her hesitance.
She nodded silently and Sehun waited a few more minutes. Finally, Lu Hua sat up straight and cleared her throat, ready to speak. “I…This is a little difficult for me to say aloud, so please be patient,” she said and Sehun gave her a look in understanding. “Um, I have had time to think on this for a while now, I’m ready to say it. You’re the first one I’m telling this to because you deserve to be the first to know, Sehun.”
“Okay. I appreciate that.”
“I would like it if you kept an open mind,” she added, her voice becoming quieter due to stress as she continued.
Sehun nodded once more and just before she was about to speak more, he cut her off quickly as his eyes widened suddenly, “Wait, are you going to tell me you’re pregnant?”
“What?” she squeaked in surprise, her eyes mirroring her boyfriend’s.
“Hua, are you pregnant with my kid?” he straightforwardly asked.
Lu Hua shook her head wildly, waving her hands in front of her to deny the allegation. “No! No! I’m not pregnant!”
Sehun exhaled heavily, wiping his face in relief. “Okay, that’s good. We’re both too young for something like that.”
Lu Hua nodded in agreement. Biting her lip as she gave a sideways glance to him. “Do you…someday would you like to have kids?”
Sehun smiled, nodding. “Yeah, someday I would like to be a father.”
Lu Hua looked down at her lap, clasping her hands tightly which Sehun immediately noticed. She looked to be even more uncomfortable than before.
Scooting closer and wrapping an arm around her thin frame protectively, Sehun asked softly, “What is it, babe?”
Swallowing hard, Lu Hua sniffed as she began breaking under pressure and Sehun held her tighter. “I…God, Sehun, you really don’t deserve me springing this on you like this.”
“Are you going back to China?” Sehun asked, expecting the worse. He knew her parents had been thinking about it before, but that was months ago and she hadn’t brought it up since.
“No, um…,” she said, taking a final breath before spitting it out. “My entire life, I’ve never felt like I was the person my parents wanted me to be; dressing in pretty clothes and having long hair. My mother and I used to argue about it and we’ve never really seen eye to eye.”
“I remember that one time she made you wear that blue dress for your family portraits,” Sehun added, recalling when she’d called him, all upset about her mother controlling her.
Lu Hua sniffed. “Yeah. I wanted to wear slacks like dad was.”
“You would’ve looked perfect either way.”
Lu Hua smiled in appreciation. Sehun noticed her eyes starting to tear up and her nose turn pink with each sniff. “I just never felt like the person they pegged me as. A pretty girl, you know?” She continued, licking her lips. Looking up at Sehun, she noticed that he didn’t seem to be catching on. “Actually, I’ve never actually felt like…a woman.”
Sehun wasn’t sure what to think. He wasn’t sure if this is what she was planning on telling him, if this was it, but judging by the way the girl in his arms was trembling with anxiousness and near tears, it finally starting clicking in his head.
Oh.
“I’m not a girl, Sehun,” Lu Hua announced, voice shaking tearfully as Lu Hua said it. “I’ve never felt like one, I’m not one. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel so confused and disassociated by the person looking back at me.”
Sehun took a deep breath, struggling to comprehend the information being given to him.
Clearing his throat as he stared forward at the wall in slight confusion, “So you’re saying…you’re…?”
“I am a man,” Lu Hua stated bravely.
Sehun dropped his arm from her-his- shoulders and Lu Hua rubbed his eyes of the tears threatening to spill.
Sehun did not know what to think. Hearing things like this wasn’t foreign to him, he’d read the articles and shared posts on Facebook, and while he never felt indifferently to it, he never thought he’d ever find himself in a situation to someone coming out to him. His girlfriend, nonetheless.
Wait, not girlfriend. His boyfriend was coming out to him.
Sehun could feel himself beginning to hyperventilate and he raised his hands to entangle in his hair, feeling the stress overwhelming him. He never did handle shocking news well, at first anyway.
When Sehun didn’t say anything, Lu Hua took that time to explain. “I didn’t know I was like this for a long time. Transgendered, I mean,” he corrected himself, and honestly it sounded weird to hear himself say it. For so long he hadn’t used a label because he knew how he felt, but explaining it is different. “For a long time, I didn’t know why I was disassociated from my reflection in the mirror and it was really hard for me. I just thought it was because I was ugly or that I hated myself. And honestly, I did hate myself.”
Sehun felt his heart ache when Lu Hua’s voice cracked as he confessed, a few stray tears falling down his face. Sehun forced himself to peek at her-him-and felt so much confusion within himself as he stared at Lu Hua’s appearance. A physical woman, pretty eyelashes and long hair that met the middle of Lu Hua’s back. She looked very much to be a girl, but was telling Sehun she wasn’t, that she was a boy.
It was all very strange to him.
“My reflection made me feel alien. All this time, I thought this self-hatred was normal and that it was just something I was experiencing, and maybe that feeling would go away upon growing up.”
“It didn’t,” Sehun finished for he-him, and Lu Hua nodded.
“No, it didn’t. When I was alone, I would get lost in my thoughts and I felt this sense of comfort or release when I imagined I didn’t. And when I was brought back to reality, it was like this awful feeling of running into a brick wall to remember my existence and my identity,” Lu Hua continued to share his intimate thoughts, sparing Sehun a glance who just seemed so lost.
Judging by Sehun’s lack of response, Lu Hua felt it best to give him a little break and let him try to process what Lu Hua was telling him, feeling relief that Sehun wasn’t shouting. Not yet, at least. They sat in silence for a while, Lu Hua’s hands rubbing against denim jeans and Sehun shifting awkwardly where he sat.
“How do you know?” Sehun finally asked, his words sounding strange to himself. “That you…that you are a man?”
Lu Hua nodded to oblige. “Like I said, for a while I didn’t know why I felt the way I did. My mother didn’t often accommodate to my sometimes boisterous behavior and I just thought I was a tomboy. I loved sports and it took a lot of convincing my mother to let me join a team back in China. There were times when I’d listen to my teammates talk about getting their nails done and their female assets and their boyfriends. Each time, I just didn’t feel like I belonged.” Sehun turned to Lu Hua again and listened to the other talk with such earnest, recollecting memories of the past. “It wasn’t until after moving here, I was allowed more freedom. I spent more time by myself since I didn’t have friends and I worked all the time, but there was this one time when I was in the men’s section at the department store looking for something my dad. On a whim, I decided to try them on. I pulled my hair back and put on a hat, and I wasn’t wearing makeup that day.”
Lu Hua felt emotional once again and took a deep breath to keep calm before returning to the story. Sehun could feel the pent up emotions touching him at his core as he listened to Lu Hua speak.
“For the first time, at that moment, I didn’t hate the person I saw in the mirror. For once, my appearance actually seemed to match the way I felt, and I knew it wasn't just a style phase,” Lu Hua said breathily as he felt the emotions from those years ago rush through him again. “It’s almost funny. All this time I knew I didn’t feel comfortable in my body, I just didn’t know it was about my gender.”
Sehun understood, not personally obviously, but he could make sense of what Lu Hua was explaining. However, he couldn’t help feeling somewhat betrayed since Lu Hua knew he wasn’t comfortable with his gender.
“And you knew all of this about yourself when you entered a relationship with me?” he found himself asking, clenching his jaw.
Lu Hua kept his head bowed, feeling apologetic. “I knew, but when I thought of how others would react to me feeling that way, I figured it would be best to suppress it. Maybe it would go away or I could learn to live with myself if I dressed the way I wanted.” Lu Hua pulled at the soccer hoodie he wore. "I'm sorry."
He sighed, feeling a sense of defeat in the memories. “I just can’t hide it anymore, Sehun. The girl I look like isn’t who I am or who I want to be. I don’t want to pretend anymore, it’s emotionally exhausting to me. I’m planning on coming out to my parents soon, but I wanted you to hear all of this from me first. Because I really do love you,” Lu Hua trailed off, a fresh wave of tears spilling down his cheeks as the words escaped his mouth, all of which were true.
And Sehun felt it. The words he loved hearing, but he couldn’t find it within himself to react to it this time. He loved her, the only Lu Hua he knew. How was he supposed to just accept this…this sudden change in his life? Because Lu Hua is a man, but looks like a woman, and Sehun isn’t gay.
He hung his head low.
“I don’t know how you’re expecting me to respond to all of this,” Sehun admitted, not really sure what he could say that could make anything better.
“Well, you’re not yelling so that’s good,” Lu Hua said, a watery smile forming on the other’s lips. “It’s okay, whatever you have or want to say. I’ve decided to accept your responses, whatever those are. I appreciate you letting me talk though.”
Sehun nodded his head as he thought about what he wanted to say. “I…I’m not gay,” he managed to say, chuckling at his own response, but not because it was funny. “And I’ll admit, it’s a little confusing to me to think you’re a dude when you look like a girl right now. But um…
I’ll go ahead and say I don’t hate you because I know you’re expecting me to say that. I can’t hate you.”
“That lifts some weight off my shoulders, I’ll admit,” Lu Hua said, wiping his face clean of the wet tears.
“Um,” Sehun started, looking at Lu Hua again. “Are you…changing your name? To a boy’s name? What pronouns do you prefer? I’m asking because I’ve read some articles on about this sort of things before.”
Lu Hua chuckled, appreciating such a kind response. “I’ll prefer male pronouns because I feel most comfortable with that. And I’ve decided, I like the name Han. My dad told me once, had I been born male, physically anyway, that’s what my name would’ve been.”
“Han. Lu Han,” Sehun tested the name on his lips and it felt foreign. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“Sehun,” Lu Han began, looking nervous once again. “You said it yourself, you’re not gay. You’re not attracted to men and I don’t expect you to be attracted to me anymore. I already dress boyish and will continue to do so and later on in the future, I want to find a therapist so I can receive testosterone hormone therapy. I'm not asking you to stay with me, so I want to propose breaking up.”
“No!” Sehun blurted out before he could think about that option. Honestly, all three years he’d been dating Lu Hua, he’d never once thought about breaking up, but things were a little different now. “I…I don’t want to say that yet. I know changing your physical appearance or whatever doesn’t change the person I know, but…”
“This will be a confusing time for you,” Lu Han said, understanding what Sehun was trying to say. “You may be attracted to me now because I look like a girl, but when I decide to undergo the surgeries and start looking like a man, you’re worried you won’t be attracted to me anymore. I know, I understand and accept it. Which is why I’m giving you an out now, so you won’t feel bad later for not liking me based on my appearance.”
Sehun huffed, throwing himself on his back against his bed, groaning in frustration. “I feel shallow for thinking that, because I have feelings for you now, and I don’t want that to change but I’m afraid that it might,”
“I won’t blame you for when you do.”
Sehun scoffed. “You don’t know that yet.”
Lu Han shook his head in disagreement because he did know that. Lots of people go through this and from the stories he’s read online, they always broke up because it just couldn’t work out between the couples no matter how hard they tried.
Lu Han whispered, “So what now?”
Neither knew how to respond.
“I really need to think,” Sehun said helplessly, covering his face with his arm.
“I’ll leave,” Lu Han replied, standing up. “Um…”
“I don’t want to break up.”
Lu Han wanted to smile at how adorable Sehun sounded, much like a pouting child.
“You think about it, and then tell me what you want to do. I’ll let you decide,” he said heading towards the door and stepping out. He stopped once though, turning to say one more thing. “I’m really sorry for doing this to you.”
“Don’t apologize,” Sehun mumbled from the bed. “S’not your fault.”
“Bye.”
Sehun disliked the way the farewell sounded and once the door closed, Sehun rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, wishing he could hide from the world. Life sucked a lot with all its ups and down, but this was a major curveball and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
He just knew he felt lonely and wanted nothing more than to hold Lu Hua’s hand.
Except Lu Hua wasn’t Lu Hua anymore. Lu Hua was a man and now, Lu Han was Sehun’s boyfriend.
Sehun’s head hurt.
A/N: If I've offended anyone with the way I tried describing Lu Han's situation, I apologize. I've made a point to educate myself on gender dysphoria, especially I have people in my life who are transgendered and gender fluid. If anyone feels the need to help me understand a little better, please talk to me, your info will be welcomed.
Previous || Next
Pairing(s): kaisoo, side!hunhan
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama, Fiction
Summary: Found hanging onto the windowsill by his fingertips with the intention of robbing the place, Jongin isn’t sure how to explain the situation he’s in and he doesn’t fancy the idea of going to jail, and the guy who found him is kind of cute so Jongin blurts the first thing that pops in this head. “…You wanna make out?”
Sehun began his morning feeling worry knot in the pit of his stomach when he read his girlfriend’s text to him.
I’m coming over. We need to talk.
It was short, curt, and those words just don’t have a good history upon news bearing. At first Sehun had thought he was overreacting and worrying over nothing, but the voice in his head wouldn’t shut up and his thoughts wouldn’t calm. He hoped there wasn’t anything wrong.
Jongin left for classes quickly upon feeling the off-kilter mood, leaving Sehun alone with his girlfriend in the doorway. She looked beautiful as always, even with her messy hair, comfortable clothes, and her void bare of any signs of makeup. Taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze, Sehun guided her into his bedroom, the both of them taking a seat on his bed.
“You’re so pretty today,” Sehun told her, meaning every word because she really was quite beautiful and Sehun loved telling her whenever he could.
Lu Hua smiled meekly, grateful for the compliment, but still there was something eating her. Sehun watched as her soft hands ran along her pants and her eyes studying the lint in the bedroom carpet.
“So, Hua,” Sehun began, not sure how to start the conversation. “Um, you said you had something to tell me?”
“Um, yeah,” Lu Hua said, brushing a stray hair from her face. She took deep breaths but she still said nothing. She felt nervous and it didn’t help to ease Sehun’s worry.
“Take your time,” he said, sensing her hesitance.
She nodded silently and Sehun waited a few more minutes. Finally, Lu Hua sat up straight and cleared her throat, ready to speak. “I…This is a little difficult for me to say aloud, so please be patient,” she said and Sehun gave her a look in understanding. “Um, I have had time to think on this for a while now, I’m ready to say it. You’re the first one I’m telling this to because you deserve to be the first to know, Sehun.”
“Okay. I appreciate that.”
“I would like it if you kept an open mind,” she added, her voice becoming quieter due to stress as she continued.
Sehun nodded once more and just before she was about to speak more, he cut her off quickly as his eyes widened suddenly, “Wait, are you going to tell me you’re pregnant?”
“What?” she squeaked in surprise, her eyes mirroring her boyfriend’s.
“Hua, are you pregnant with my kid?” he straightforwardly asked.
Lu Hua shook her head wildly, waving her hands in front of her to deny the allegation. “No! No! I’m not pregnant!”
Sehun exhaled heavily, wiping his face in relief. “Okay, that’s good. We’re both too young for something like that.”
Lu Hua nodded in agreement. Biting her lip as she gave a sideways glance to him. “Do you…someday would you like to have kids?”
Sehun smiled, nodding. “Yeah, someday I would like to be a father.”
Lu Hua looked down at her lap, clasping her hands tightly which Sehun immediately noticed. She looked to be even more uncomfortable than before.
Scooting closer and wrapping an arm around her thin frame protectively, Sehun asked softly, “What is it, babe?”
Swallowing hard, Lu Hua sniffed as she began breaking under pressure and Sehun held her tighter. “I…God, Sehun, you really don’t deserve me springing this on you like this.”
“Are you going back to China?” Sehun asked, expecting the worse. He knew her parents had been thinking about it before, but that was months ago and she hadn’t brought it up since.
“No, um…,” she said, taking a final breath before spitting it out. “My entire life, I’ve never felt like I was the person my parents wanted me to be; dressing in pretty clothes and having long hair. My mother and I used to argue about it and we’ve never really seen eye to eye.”
“I remember that one time she made you wear that blue dress for your family portraits,” Sehun added, recalling when she’d called him, all upset about her mother controlling her.
Lu Hua sniffed. “Yeah. I wanted to wear slacks like dad was.”
“You would’ve looked perfect either way.”
Lu Hua smiled in appreciation. Sehun noticed her eyes starting to tear up and her nose turn pink with each sniff. “I just never felt like the person they pegged me as. A pretty girl, you know?” She continued, licking her lips. Looking up at Sehun, she noticed that he didn’t seem to be catching on. “Actually, I’ve never actually felt like…a woman.”
Sehun wasn’t sure what to think. He wasn’t sure if this is what she was planning on telling him, if this was it, but judging by the way the girl in his arms was trembling with anxiousness and near tears, it finally starting clicking in his head.
Oh.
“I’m not a girl, Sehun,” Lu Hua announced, voice shaking tearfully as Lu Hua said it. “I’ve never felt like one, I’m not one. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel so confused and disassociated by the person looking back at me.”
Sehun took a deep breath, struggling to comprehend the information being given to him.
Clearing his throat as he stared forward at the wall in slight confusion, “So you’re saying…you’re…?”
“I am a man,” Lu Hua stated bravely.
Sehun dropped his arm from her-his- shoulders and Lu Hua rubbed his eyes of the tears threatening to spill.
Sehun did not know what to think. Hearing things like this wasn’t foreign to him, he’d read the articles and shared posts on Facebook, and while he never felt indifferently to it, he never thought he’d ever find himself in a situation to someone coming out to him. His girlfriend, nonetheless.
Wait, not girlfriend. His boyfriend was coming out to him.
Sehun could feel himself beginning to hyperventilate and he raised his hands to entangle in his hair, feeling the stress overwhelming him. He never did handle shocking news well, at first anyway.
When Sehun didn’t say anything, Lu Hua took that time to explain. “I didn’t know I was like this for a long time. Transgendered, I mean,” he corrected himself, and honestly it sounded weird to hear himself say it. For so long he hadn’t used a label because he knew how he felt, but explaining it is different. “For a long time, I didn’t know why I was disassociated from my reflection in the mirror and it was really hard for me. I just thought it was because I was ugly or that I hated myself. And honestly, I did hate myself.”
Sehun felt his heart ache when Lu Hua’s voice cracked as he confessed, a few stray tears falling down his face. Sehun forced himself to peek at her-him-and felt so much confusion within himself as he stared at Lu Hua’s appearance. A physical woman, pretty eyelashes and long hair that met the middle of Lu Hua’s back. She looked very much to be a girl, but was telling Sehun she wasn’t, that she was a boy.
It was all very strange to him.
“My reflection made me feel alien. All this time, I thought this self-hatred was normal and that it was just something I was experiencing, and maybe that feeling would go away upon growing up.”
“It didn’t,” Sehun finished for he-him, and Lu Hua nodded.
“No, it didn’t. When I was alone, I would get lost in my thoughts and I felt this sense of comfort or release when I imagined I didn’t. And when I was brought back to reality, it was like this awful feeling of running into a brick wall to remember my existence and my identity,” Lu Hua continued to share his intimate thoughts, sparing Sehun a glance who just seemed so lost.
Judging by Sehun’s lack of response, Lu Hua felt it best to give him a little break and let him try to process what Lu Hua was telling him, feeling relief that Sehun wasn’t shouting. Not yet, at least. They sat in silence for a while, Lu Hua’s hands rubbing against denim jeans and Sehun shifting awkwardly where he sat.
“How do you know?” Sehun finally asked, his words sounding strange to himself. “That you…that you are a man?”
Lu Hua nodded to oblige. “Like I said, for a while I didn’t know why I felt the way I did. My mother didn’t often accommodate to my sometimes boisterous behavior and I just thought I was a tomboy. I loved sports and it took a lot of convincing my mother to let me join a team back in China. There were times when I’d listen to my teammates talk about getting their nails done and their female assets and their boyfriends. Each time, I just didn’t feel like I belonged.” Sehun turned to Lu Hua again and listened to the other talk with such earnest, recollecting memories of the past. “It wasn’t until after moving here, I was allowed more freedom. I spent more time by myself since I didn’t have friends and I worked all the time, but there was this one time when I was in the men’s section at the department store looking for something my dad. On a whim, I decided to try them on. I pulled my hair back and put on a hat, and I wasn’t wearing makeup that day.”
Lu Hua felt emotional once again and took a deep breath to keep calm before returning to the story. Sehun could feel the pent up emotions touching him at his core as he listened to Lu Hua speak.
“For the first time, at that moment, I didn’t hate the person I saw in the mirror. For once, my appearance actually seemed to match the way I felt, and I knew it wasn't just a style phase,” Lu Hua said breathily as he felt the emotions from those years ago rush through him again. “It’s almost funny. All this time I knew I didn’t feel comfortable in my body, I just didn’t know it was about my gender.”
Sehun understood, not personally obviously, but he could make sense of what Lu Hua was explaining. However, he couldn’t help feeling somewhat betrayed since Lu Hua knew he wasn’t comfortable with his gender.
“And you knew all of this about yourself when you entered a relationship with me?” he found himself asking, clenching his jaw.
Lu Hua kept his head bowed, feeling apologetic. “I knew, but when I thought of how others would react to me feeling that way, I figured it would be best to suppress it. Maybe it would go away or I could learn to live with myself if I dressed the way I wanted.” Lu Hua pulled at the soccer hoodie he wore. "I'm sorry."
He sighed, feeling a sense of defeat in the memories. “I just can’t hide it anymore, Sehun. The girl I look like isn’t who I am or who I want to be. I don’t want to pretend anymore, it’s emotionally exhausting to me. I’m planning on coming out to my parents soon, but I wanted you to hear all of this from me first. Because I really do love you,” Lu Hua trailed off, a fresh wave of tears spilling down his cheeks as the words escaped his mouth, all of which were true.
And Sehun felt it. The words he loved hearing, but he couldn’t find it within himself to react to it this time. He loved her, the only Lu Hua he knew. How was he supposed to just accept this…this sudden change in his life? Because Lu Hua is a man, but looks like a woman, and Sehun isn’t gay.
He hung his head low.
“I don’t know how you’re expecting me to respond to all of this,” Sehun admitted, not really sure what he could say that could make anything better.
“Well, you’re not yelling so that’s good,” Lu Hua said, a watery smile forming on the other’s lips. “It’s okay, whatever you have or want to say. I’ve decided to accept your responses, whatever those are. I appreciate you letting me talk though.”
Sehun nodded his head as he thought about what he wanted to say. “I…I’m not gay,” he managed to say, chuckling at his own response, but not because it was funny. “And I’ll admit, it’s a little confusing to me to think you’re a dude when you look like a girl right now. But um…
I’ll go ahead and say I don’t hate you because I know you’re expecting me to say that. I can’t hate you.”
“That lifts some weight off my shoulders, I’ll admit,” Lu Hua said, wiping his face clean of the wet tears.
“Um,” Sehun started, looking at Lu Hua again. “Are you…changing your name? To a boy’s name? What pronouns do you prefer? I’m asking because I’ve read some articles on about this sort of things before.”
Lu Hua chuckled, appreciating such a kind response. “I’ll prefer male pronouns because I feel most comfortable with that. And I’ve decided, I like the name Han. My dad told me once, had I been born male, physically anyway, that’s what my name would’ve been.”
“Han. Lu Han,” Sehun tested the name on his lips and it felt foreign. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“Sehun,” Lu Han began, looking nervous once again. “You said it yourself, you’re not gay. You’re not attracted to men and I don’t expect you to be attracted to me anymore. I already dress boyish and will continue to do so and later on in the future, I want to find a therapist so I can receive testosterone hormone therapy. I'm not asking you to stay with me, so I want to propose breaking up.”
“No!” Sehun blurted out before he could think about that option. Honestly, all three years he’d been dating Lu Hua, he’d never once thought about breaking up, but things were a little different now. “I…I don’t want to say that yet. I know changing your physical appearance or whatever doesn’t change the person I know, but…”
“This will be a confusing time for you,” Lu Han said, understanding what Sehun was trying to say. “You may be attracted to me now because I look like a girl, but when I decide to undergo the surgeries and start looking like a man, you’re worried you won’t be attracted to me anymore. I know, I understand and accept it. Which is why I’m giving you an out now, so you won’t feel bad later for not liking me based on my appearance.”
Sehun huffed, throwing himself on his back against his bed, groaning in frustration. “I feel shallow for thinking that, because I have feelings for you now, and I don’t want that to change but I’m afraid that it might,”
“I won’t blame you for when you do.”
Sehun scoffed. “You don’t know that yet.”
Lu Han shook his head in disagreement because he did know that. Lots of people go through this and from the stories he’s read online, they always broke up because it just couldn’t work out between the couples no matter how hard they tried.
Lu Han whispered, “So what now?”
Neither knew how to respond.
“I really need to think,” Sehun said helplessly, covering his face with his arm.
“I’ll leave,” Lu Han replied, standing up. “Um…”
“I don’t want to break up.”
Lu Han wanted to smile at how adorable Sehun sounded, much like a pouting child.
“You think about it, and then tell me what you want to do. I’ll let you decide,” he said heading towards the door and stepping out. He stopped once though, turning to say one more thing. “I’m really sorry for doing this to you.”
“Don’t apologize,” Sehun mumbled from the bed. “S’not your fault.”
“Bye.”
Sehun disliked the way the farewell sounded and once the door closed, Sehun rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, wishing he could hide from the world. Life sucked a lot with all its ups and down, but this was a major curveball and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
He just knew he felt lonely and wanted nothing more than to hold Lu Hua’s hand.
Except Lu Hua wasn’t Lu Hua anymore. Lu Hua was a man and now, Lu Han was Sehun’s boyfriend.
Sehun’s head hurt.
A/N: If I've offended anyone with the way I tried describing Lu Han's situation, I apologize. I've made a point to educate myself on gender dysphoria, especially I have people in my life who are transgendered and gender fluid. If anyone feels the need to help me understand a little better, please talk to me, your info will be welcomed.
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