Positive (Chapter 8)
Title: Positive
Author: xojemmaxo
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: RyWalk
POV: Third
Summary: Ryan thinks 'can't I have any time for my fucking self,' and looks over the back of the couch to tell Jon off, but his mouth freezes open when he realizes that not only has Jon just walked into the apartment, but he's brought Spencer, who is in New York, with him.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people in this fic.
Beta: hooray4irony
Author Notes: This chapter's on the short side, but I updated quickly, at least :D The next one should be up soon (like, actually soon). And Spencer's here! And there'll be Brencer soon! (Also, a lot of people seem to have lost interest, which may have something to do with my less-than-prompt latest update. I hope, though, if you were reading this before the Long Wait, you'll keep reading, because things are gonna start getting good!)
The next morning Ryan is really fucking sick of throwing up. It doesn't stop the retching. Jon hovers by Ryan's side worriedly and asks if he should call Ryan in sick, but Ryan weakly refuses and after a while, he's leaning against the expanse of wall beside the toilet, which he seems to be doing a lot of these days.
"It's not too late to call in sick," says Jon, standing in the doorway and frowning. Ryan looks up; Jon's already got his mobile flipped open, for Christ's sake.
"I'm fine," he snaps, and he knows it's just the hormones, but he feels like he needs to indulge in finally yelling at someone and releasing some of the irritation out of his system. "Just go to work."
"I -- sorry," says Jon, clearly not having any idea of what he was sorry for.
Ryan doesn't speak, just huffs. Jon looks at him for a moment, then leaves the room.
Ryan feels even more pissed off at Jon now that he did what Ryan told him to do. Part of him wants to launch himself at Jon, punch everywhere he can reach until they both pass out in sobbing puddles of blood. Part of him wants to hold Jon close and tell him sorry forever. Ryan gets up and stumbles to his bedroom. Jon's sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. Ryan doesn't think he's crying. He gets clothes out of his closet and changes into them. Jon doesn't look up. When Ryan's done, he says, "I'm leaving," shortly, and looks at Jon expectantly.
"Bye," says Jon, no 'I love you.' Ryan feels like he needs to slap Jon, but he just turns around and leaves, fuck Jon driving him to work.
Jon raises his head when he hears the front door slam shut, his eyes red and puffy, and wonders how everything got so hard.
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Ryan is so irritable at work that day that he scares most of the new workers into submission. Frank gives up asking what's wrong when Ryan only growls at him in response to every question he throws at him.
Ryan throws up out back on his break due to the smell of the coffee, hard and burning up his throat from that morning's episode. Then he smokes four cigarettes between shaking fingers and it's no big deal, no big deal. He keeps telling himself that until closing time.
He's walking back home on heavy feet when he hears a voice call his name. Oh, no. It's him again. He turns slowly, gritting his teeth together, and is face to face with none other than Gabe Whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is-that-Ryan-can't-be-fucked-finding-out, who is smiling that evil smile that means he's not going to leave Ryan alone until he's finished collecting and off-loading his share of gossip.
"Hello, Gabe," Ryan says, in the tone that clearly means 'leave me the fuck alone' and the tone that everyone but Gabe gets.
"Hey, Ryan!" says Gabe, cutting Ryan off mid-sentence which just pisses Ryan off that much more.
"I saw you through the shop window while I was dressing a manequin --" Gabe raises his eyebrows, which Ryan takes as meaning Gabe likes to dress manequins, especially the male ones, much more than he should "--and thought I'd come say hi. How are you, man? I haven't seen you in forever!"
'That's probably because I try to avoid walking near your stupid gay accessory shop as much as possible' thinks Ryan bitterly, but he says, "I'm great." Hopefully that will be incentive enough for Gabe to piss off and go fuck 'Bilvy', or whatever he does in his spare time, apart from molesting manequins, of course.
"Well that's awesome, Ry! Oh hey, you know what Bilvy heard one of the customers say about me the other day?"
"No," says Ryan, because why would he, and just like that he's pulled into a web of intricate gossip and talk, most of it lies. Gabe resists over ten of Ryan's best brushing-you-off lines, which is a record. He just doesn't stop. Finally Ryan looks at his watch, says, "Oh shit, I'm late for my orthodontist appointment, bye Gabe, I'll see you around," and walks off, trying not to hear Gabe's outcries of, "But Ryan! You have perfect teeth!"
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The apartment is locked and empty when Ryan gets home. This isn't that unusual, but it still feels cold, somehow, without Jon in it. He doesn't understand his fucking emotions. He wants Jon here with him, but if his boyfriend (fiance, his brain thinks, and he still can't get over that new concept) walked through the door right now, Ryan would attack him. He walks around the apartment wondering what to do before paying some bills that have been sitting on his kitchen counter for weeks that he doesn't have the money to pay for, then sits down on the couch.
The corner of a book is poking out of the side of the couch. Ryan slides it the rest of the way out; it's the Chuck Palahnuik book Jon had gotten him. He'd almost forgotten about it. He picks it up and flicks to the first page, and he's halfway through the book when Jon comes through the front door an hour and a half later.
Ryan thinks 'can't I have any time for my fucking self,' and looks over the back of the couch to tell Jon off, but his mouth freezes open when he realizes that not only has Jon just walked into the apartment, but he's brought Spencer, who is in New York, with him.
Spencer looks real, even though he's different from Ryan's memory and photos of him where he's wearing casual jeans and shirts with a too-long beard. His hair is shorter, now, and his beard is too. He's wearing a suit and tie, for God's sake, carrying a suitcase in each hand. His face looks so different. More mature, somehow. The filled-out cheeks are gone -- Spencer must have lost weight -- and he just looks older, and for a moment Ryan's intimidated by this unfamiliar Spencer, but then he's off the couch and hugging his best friend, hands fisting into the expensive jacket and breathing in the scent of Spencer under all the cologne.
Ryan says, "Spence," and looks over Spencer's solid shoulder at Jon, who's wearing the lopsided half smile that means he doesn't know if he's still in trouble.
Ryan just smiles at him and hopes it'll be enough for now, because he's not pissed off anymore and will make it up to Jon later, just after he certifies that Spencer, is, in fact, here.
Author: xojemmaxo
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: RyWalk
POV: Third
Summary: Ryan thinks 'can't I have any time for my fucking self,' and looks over the back of the couch to tell Jon off, but his mouth freezes open when he realizes that not only has Jon just walked into the apartment, but he's brought Spencer, who is in New York, with him.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people in this fic.
Beta: hooray4irony
Author Notes: This chapter's on the short side, but I updated quickly, at least :D The next one should be up soon (like, actually soon). And Spencer's here! And there'll be Brencer soon! (Also, a lot of people seem to have lost interest, which may have something to do with my less-than-prompt latest update. I hope, though, if you were reading this before the Long Wait, you'll keep reading, because things are gonna start getting good!)
The next morning Ryan is really fucking sick of throwing up. It doesn't stop the retching. Jon hovers by Ryan's side worriedly and asks if he should call Ryan in sick, but Ryan weakly refuses and after a while, he's leaning against the expanse of wall beside the toilet, which he seems to be doing a lot of these days.
"It's not too late to call in sick," says Jon, standing in the doorway and frowning. Ryan looks up; Jon's already got his mobile flipped open, for Christ's sake.
"I'm fine," he snaps, and he knows it's just the hormones, but he feels like he needs to indulge in finally yelling at someone and releasing some of the irritation out of his system. "Just go to work."
"I -- sorry," says Jon, clearly not having any idea of what he was sorry for.
Ryan doesn't speak, just huffs. Jon looks at him for a moment, then leaves the room.
Ryan feels even more pissed off at Jon now that he did what Ryan told him to do. Part of him wants to launch himself at Jon, punch everywhere he can reach until they both pass out in sobbing puddles of blood. Part of him wants to hold Jon close and tell him sorry forever. Ryan gets up and stumbles to his bedroom. Jon's sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. Ryan doesn't think he's crying. He gets clothes out of his closet and changes into them. Jon doesn't look up. When Ryan's done, he says, "I'm leaving," shortly, and looks at Jon expectantly.
"Bye," says Jon, no 'I love you.' Ryan feels like he needs to slap Jon, but he just turns around and leaves, fuck Jon driving him to work.
Jon raises his head when he hears the front door slam shut, his eyes red and puffy, and wonders how everything got so hard.
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Ryan is so irritable at work that day that he scares most of the new workers into submission. Frank gives up asking what's wrong when Ryan only growls at him in response to every question he throws at him.
Ryan throws up out back on his break due to the smell of the coffee, hard and burning up his throat from that morning's episode. Then he smokes four cigarettes between shaking fingers and it's no big deal, no big deal. He keeps telling himself that until closing time.
He's walking back home on heavy feet when he hears a voice call his name. Oh, no. It's him again. He turns slowly, gritting his teeth together, and is face to face with none other than Gabe Whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is-that-Ryan-can't-be-fucked-finding-out, who is smiling that evil smile that means he's not going to leave Ryan alone until he's finished collecting and off-loading his share of gossip.
"Hello, Gabe," Ryan says, in the tone that clearly means 'leave me the fuck alone' and the tone that everyone but Gabe gets.
"Hey, Ryan!" says Gabe, cutting Ryan off mid-sentence which just pisses Ryan off that much more.
"I saw you through the shop window while I was dressing a manequin --" Gabe raises his eyebrows, which Ryan takes as meaning Gabe likes to dress manequins, especially the male ones, much more than he should "--and thought I'd come say hi. How are you, man? I haven't seen you in forever!"
'That's probably because I try to avoid walking near your stupid gay accessory shop as much as possible' thinks Ryan bitterly, but he says, "I'm great." Hopefully that will be incentive enough for Gabe to piss off and go fuck 'Bilvy', or whatever he does in his spare time, apart from molesting manequins, of course.
"Well that's awesome, Ry! Oh hey, you know what Bilvy heard one of the customers say about me the other day?"
"No," says Ryan, because why would he, and just like that he's pulled into a web of intricate gossip and talk, most of it lies. Gabe resists over ten of Ryan's best brushing-you-off lines, which is a record. He just doesn't stop. Finally Ryan looks at his watch, says, "Oh shit, I'm late for my orthodontist appointment, bye Gabe, I'll see you around," and walks off, trying not to hear Gabe's outcries of, "But Ryan! You have perfect teeth!"
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The apartment is locked and empty when Ryan gets home. This isn't that unusual, but it still feels cold, somehow, without Jon in it. He doesn't understand his fucking emotions. He wants Jon here with him, but if his boyfriend (fiance, his brain thinks, and he still can't get over that new concept) walked through the door right now, Ryan would attack him. He walks around the apartment wondering what to do before paying some bills that have been sitting on his kitchen counter for weeks that he doesn't have the money to pay for, then sits down on the couch.
The corner of a book is poking out of the side of the couch. Ryan slides it the rest of the way out; it's the Chuck Palahnuik book Jon had gotten him. He'd almost forgotten about it. He picks it up and flicks to the first page, and he's halfway through the book when Jon comes through the front door an hour and a half later.
Ryan thinks 'can't I have any time for my fucking self,' and looks over the back of the couch to tell Jon off, but his mouth freezes open when he realizes that not only has Jon just walked into the apartment, but he's brought Spencer, who is in New York, with him.
Spencer looks real, even though he's different from Ryan's memory and photos of him where he's wearing casual jeans and shirts with a too-long beard. His hair is shorter, now, and his beard is too. He's wearing a suit and tie, for God's sake, carrying a suitcase in each hand. His face looks so different. More mature, somehow. The filled-out cheeks are gone -- Spencer must have lost weight -- and he just looks older, and for a moment Ryan's intimidated by this unfamiliar Spencer, but then he's off the couch and hugging his best friend, hands fisting into the expensive jacket and breathing in the scent of Spencer under all the cologne.
Ryan says, "Spence," and looks over Spencer's solid shoulder at Jon, who's wearing the lopsided half smile that means he doesn't know if he's still in trouble.
Ryan just smiles at him and hopes it'll be enough for now, because he's not pissed off anymore and will make it up to Jon later, just after he certifies that Spencer, is, in fact, here.