baby, dont lie....... &dagger
i just got home a little while ago. i went out with katie and it was fun. i dont know what i want. thats the truth, and no matter how much i try to convince myself of anything other than that..i'm just lying. i dont know what to do anymore. who makes me happy, who i want to be with, who i love. theres a different name for every one of those catagories and thats not right. theres just too many. the life that i want is right next to me. now i'll take my whole life to grab it. i find something wrong with everyone i meet. i say they couldnt "handle" me. or they're afraid of commitment. but am i really talking about them??? i dont even know anymore. i say that all the time in here. but the honest to god truth..is that i do know. i spend so much time writing in here. saying half the truth, saying everything that is superficial. what it comes down to, is the dots. everytime i write in here i always end a sentence with dot dot dot... that means i have so much more to say..but too afraid. i am afraid of everything. thats the truth, a truth that i dont say too often. i adore you, i love you, i heart you, you make me happy, i want to be with you, you're everything to me, i wish i was with you, i'm yours. thats what it comes down too. and as funny and stupid as that game was that katie and i played in my parking lot. there was so much truth to that. there should be one name. not four different ones. more than four. jeez, what am i thinking? i'm not. thats the thing. everytime he says exactly what i want to hear, it hurts. everytime i say "he" its like i'm actually talking about one person. but i'm not. theres the truth for all you gaby journal fans, i am never talking about one person. i make them all one. every i love you, every i adore you, every i heart you. many made into one.