(no subject)
Another year, just like every other. Spoke to no one, really, except for Padraig. Oh, that went over well. He knows about the night Thomas and I shared, which really is a good thing. I wanted him to know. I would have told him if he did not.
He is restricted from seeing me, this I know. But there were never any restrictions given to me. So late that night I used my powers to corner him. If there is trouble to come from it, I will take full responsibility. How can I not? He did not look to me, or even wish to speak to me. Though he did say he wishes I wait for him. Wait? This restriction is not forever? At this point, does it matter? I am thinking this over way too much. I will simply go where my heart guides me. Surely those involved will understand.
I went the rest of that day, and the day after, without seeing Syphon. Though he did stop by to see me the following evening. As much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed the company. I wanted someone, anyone, to pay attention to me. And I do have to also admit that the fact it was him made things even better.
We spoke of Padraig, and of our current standings. Not confusing guilt with regret and all of that. For I do not regret what I have done with him. He is a friend, and I care for him. So we had sex. Twice now, after that night. It is good, and I am not just talking about the act itself. The fact that we can occassionally do that and still be friends...
I think I could honestly like Syphon, as more than friends, if I were ever to allow myself to. Granted, he is different than Padraig, but perhaps that is why. We have much more in common. Yet such talk is foolish, since we will never be more than friends. I am unsure if that fact saddens me or not.
Either way, I have other worries on my mind. I believe I am growing weak, for I honestly did long for company this past week. I never understood why people are facinated with celebrating the date of one's birth... but a proper greeting at least once in my life would not be a bad thing.
Perhaps next year.
He is restricted from seeing me, this I know. But there were never any restrictions given to me. So late that night I used my powers to corner him. If there is trouble to come from it, I will take full responsibility. How can I not? He did not look to me, or even wish to speak to me. Though he did say he wishes I wait for him. Wait? This restriction is not forever? At this point, does it matter? I am thinking this over way too much. I will simply go where my heart guides me. Surely those involved will understand.
I went the rest of that day, and the day after, without seeing Syphon. Though he did stop by to see me the following evening. As much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed the company. I wanted someone, anyone, to pay attention to me. And I do have to also admit that the fact it was him made things even better.
We spoke of Padraig, and of our current standings. Not confusing guilt with regret and all of that. For I do not regret what I have done with him. He is a friend, and I care for him. So we had sex. Twice now, after that night. It is good, and I am not just talking about the act itself. The fact that we can occassionally do that and still be friends...
I think I could honestly like Syphon, as more than friends, if I were ever to allow myself to. Granted, he is different than Padraig, but perhaps that is why. We have much more in common. Yet such talk is foolish, since we will never be more than friends. I am unsure if that fact saddens me or not.
Either way, I have other worries on my mind. I believe I am growing weak, for I honestly did long for company this past week. I never understood why people are facinated with celebrating the date of one's birth... but a proper greeting at least once in my life would not be a bad thing.
Perhaps next year.