Chaotic Mess.
this chaotic mess is ruining my family and our love for one another. it's been this way for a while now, and every day I wish for it to get better, but it only gets worse.
I wish I could do something to help. Something that will change everything and make it better. But, now that I think of it, it was never better. Maybe when I was younger, but it wasn't okay then because I was too young to realize the problems my family faced. Every day the same routine; get up, work/go to school, try to get money so there's food on the table we don't have, and try to keep the little hope we have left for this family. yet my hope is gone. through all the fights and yelling and arguments... there is no hope.
What am I to do? Usually I'm not the one in the fights, but I feel I'm affected most because I'm stuck in the middle of it. Nowhere out. Nothing to say but "Shut the fuck up"
Heh. I printed out two of these entries to read them to Hannah... but I was stupid and I forgot them at the computer area where my mom spends her time when I'm sleeping. So of course she found them and read them, that only explains why she came down to my basement room and asked if I wanted to get some depression meds and talk to Sharon (therapist) some more.
I hate talking about my feelings. I absolutely hate it. I'd rather write them, like I do here and with my pen&paper so I can stop and think. Im just bad at talking in general, I usually don't do it much since there's really nothing to say and noone to talk to... but I like it that way.
I can't think. I can't write. I can't figure out how I want to say what I'm thinking and I don't have enough time to think about it.
I'm going.
Bye.
I wish I could do something to help. Something that will change everything and make it better. But, now that I think of it, it was never better. Maybe when I was younger, but it wasn't okay then because I was too young to realize the problems my family faced. Every day the same routine; get up, work/go to school, try to get money so there's food on the table we don't have, and try to keep the little hope we have left for this family. yet my hope is gone. through all the fights and yelling and arguments... there is no hope.
What am I to do? Usually I'm not the one in the fights, but I feel I'm affected most because I'm stuck in the middle of it. Nowhere out. Nothing to say but "Shut the fuck up"
Heh. I printed out two of these entries to read them to Hannah... but I was stupid and I forgot them at the computer area where my mom spends her time when I'm sleeping. So of course she found them and read them, that only explains why she came down to my basement room and asked if I wanted to get some depression meds and talk to Sharon (therapist) some more.
I hate talking about my feelings. I absolutely hate it. I'd rather write them, like I do here and with my pen&paper so I can stop and think. Im just bad at talking in general, I usually don't do it much since there's really nothing to say and noone to talk to... but I like it that way.
I can't think. I can't write. I can't figure out how I want to say what I'm thinking and I don't have enough time to think about it.
I'm going.
Bye.