.Mural in Crisis.
This mural is in crisis. My worst fears, that I delineated in my previous blog post, have come fucking true! Man I overworked the fuck out of the bottom part. It proves I really have no idea what I'm doing and everybody is going to laugh at me. I think I started rushing it, and now I'm going to pay for it by recoutlining large parts of it (dark paints are not truly translucent--but neither is translucent white) and maybe hand painting in either spots or highlights in opaque white, and then airbrushing that with the airbrush to settle any additions. I'd like to call this a happy accident, but I am angry that I predicted this and now it's going to take me to forever to finish, and ultimately since it's not what I envisioned I have failed at what I was trying to do. I do receive a lot of happiness from painting, but I am seeking the ultimate rush. I want to paint something so great that I can't believe I did it. I'll step back from a canvas and go, "Twas I? 'Twas I? 'Twasn't it I?" Whenever that happens I'm going to die happy. Until then I will be dragged kicking and screaming from this world, clawing at survival until I cross that off my long bucket list of things to do before I die. The world is not enough. Dark translucent paint is just thinned out, adding some transluceny but it's really halfway opaque. It's not like watercolor at all. I really wonder what shooting gauche is like, because when I go light to dark with this acrylic it stinks. I'm feeling a lot of shame right now about the dark lower part. What am I going to do? What the fuck am I gonna do man? If I paint little white highlights and tint them, it'll look like absolute garbage! I'm going to kick this wall. The paint splatter on the floor in front of it looks cooler than this enormous bird that has been colored by novice airbrush artist. I mean when I painted the mane this afternoon, I was on fucking fire. I had the midus touch this afternoon. But this evening I fucked it all up! Rushing to meet an imaginary deadline. Rushing to rest. Now the whole piece is a rush job and I have no good moves coming up next. If I worry about it hard enough tonight, maybe I will have a stress dream that will show me a solution to this issue I've created. Something will come to me in my dreams about how to fix this travesty. I need to reoutline it and I need to think, what would someone better than me do? I might google, how will I fix my painting, and see what they're saying in Reddit. Goodnight
This afternoon I was on fire, but now that's over.