Bleh
So in case you hadn't worked it out yet, this is my place to rant and rave and spew all my feelings onto a page that no-one will see. Because lets be honest no-one reads these. Probably best. Doesn't paint a very nice picture.
This week was not very good. A bad time for me to have to be getting up and achieving things. Like work, granted I have a new job that I love much more than my last one, but it just all seemed to go wrong. And I'm getting sick of feeling like my one good talent isn't actually that good and I'm really just a very shit person.
Realistically, i'm just feeling down. Nothing particular has happened. I just feel so bland. I'm doing that thing again though where I listen to music that puts me in a weird place. It kind of makes me feel like more shit should be happening to me. Like my life isn't bad enough. Give me some awful relationships (though it might seem like I already have that. Don't worry, you'll get the next episode in that saga soon). Give me an abusive work place or something. I'm feeling too neutral. It's just me getting up, going to work, coming home, doing shit all next to my boyfriend who does shit all, eat, bed. Rinse and repeat. I need something else but I don't know what. I don't know a lot of things and it's starting to really get to me.
I swear i'm on and off reverting back to being 15. The way I dress, the make-up/nail polish i wear, the music I listen to. I'm just back in that weird teenage emo stage most of us had (the moody, rebel thing not actual people who associate with that label because I don't want to trivialise them and their experiences). But yes, I'm there. And it's when I'm left to my own devices. Like my boyfriend is out tonight for a work dinner/drinks thing. I got invited but frankly I would not enjoy myself very much. I would be slightly tense the whole night, because I'd be in a social situation with people I have no common ground with. So instead i'm at home by myself. I've caught on my tv and now i'm kind of floating hoping for time to go by fast. Part of me is worried he didn't get my message and is gonna be shitty when he gets back. Which makes me want time to slow down. So im stuck in this weird in between stage that puts me in a weird mood and i go all teenage emo. I even painted my nails black. They look good. I want dark purple lipstick. Look all proper goth. I need to make myself a couple of skirts. Then I can do the converse/tights/skirt/band/t-shirt look which i love to pieces. I'm this crossover between old school Audrey Hepburn plus a bit of 1950's real feminine look with all the hourglass dresses etc and then mixed with '90s grunge/indie. One day i'll dress up and look a million dollars, the next i'm all scraggy. I love it though. It's nice to have finally defined my style.
This week was not very good. A bad time for me to have to be getting up and achieving things. Like work, granted I have a new job that I love much more than my last one, but it just all seemed to go wrong. And I'm getting sick of feeling like my one good talent isn't actually that good and I'm really just a very shit person.
Realistically, i'm just feeling down. Nothing particular has happened. I just feel so bland. I'm doing that thing again though where I listen to music that puts me in a weird place. It kind of makes me feel like more shit should be happening to me. Like my life isn't bad enough. Give me some awful relationships (though it might seem like I already have that. Don't worry, you'll get the next episode in that saga soon). Give me an abusive work place or something. I'm feeling too neutral. It's just me getting up, going to work, coming home, doing shit all next to my boyfriend who does shit all, eat, bed. Rinse and repeat. I need something else but I don't know what. I don't know a lot of things and it's starting to really get to me.
I swear i'm on and off reverting back to being 15. The way I dress, the make-up/nail polish i wear, the music I listen to. I'm just back in that weird teenage emo stage most of us had (the moody, rebel thing not actual people who associate with that label because I don't want to trivialise them and their experiences). But yes, I'm there. And it's when I'm left to my own devices. Like my boyfriend is out tonight for a work dinner/drinks thing. I got invited but frankly I would not enjoy myself very much. I would be slightly tense the whole night, because I'd be in a social situation with people I have no common ground with. So instead i'm at home by myself. I've caught on my tv and now i'm kind of floating hoping for time to go by fast. Part of me is worried he didn't get my message and is gonna be shitty when he gets back. Which makes me want time to slow down. So im stuck in this weird in between stage that puts me in a weird mood and i go all teenage emo. I even painted my nails black. They look good. I want dark purple lipstick. Look all proper goth. I need to make myself a couple of skirts. Then I can do the converse/tights/skirt/band/t-shirt look which i love to pieces. I'm this crossover between old school Audrey Hepburn plus a bit of 1950's real feminine look with all the hourglass dresses etc and then mixed with '90s grunge/indie. One day i'll dress up and look a million dollars, the next i'm all scraggy. I love it though. It's nice to have finally defined my style.