(no subject)
Man, I'm having a hard time finding this balance between happy and realistic.
I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the morning, all positivity and sunshine. I want to love my job and my relationship and my home. I want to just do something and be somewhere and be excited over little things and still find wonder in this world. I guess that's why I love Christmas so incredibly much, because it's just magical. The tree, the twinkling lights, the food, the atmosphere: I get to be 5 years old and just find everything fantastic. I want to feel that for everything and just be happy.
I want to be realistic. I want to be able to feel like shit when I do. I want to be able to just be sad and not have it questioned or undermined. I want things to bother me and make me grumpy and just not smile every so often. I want to know that the world is shit and that life is shit and that I have the full right and capability to just be unhappy.
I want to be able to drive, to be able to jump in a car and go anywhere. To have that freedom.
I want to go out drinking now and then, whether it be the odd beer or a full on bender. I want to feel drunk, completely off my face, just once.
I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the morning, all positivity and sunshine. I want to love my job and my relationship and my home. I want to just do something and be somewhere and be excited over little things and still find wonder in this world. I guess that's why I love Christmas so incredibly much, because it's just magical. The tree, the twinkling lights, the food, the atmosphere: I get to be 5 years old and just find everything fantastic. I want to feel that for everything and just be happy.
I want to be realistic. I want to be able to feel like shit when I do. I want to be able to just be sad and not have it questioned or undermined. I want things to bother me and make me grumpy and just not smile every so often. I want to know that the world is shit and that life is shit and that I have the full right and capability to just be unhappy.
I want to be able to drive, to be able to jump in a car and go anywhere. To have that freedom.
I want to go out drinking now and then, whether it be the odd beer or a full on bender. I want to feel drunk, completely off my face, just once.