I am blown away
K maybe not blown away but it's pretty crazy. I ran into Joe Pederson at school yesterday! Yeah apparently he goes there and this is the first time I'm seeing him? It's a little bizarre since I just started thinking about him lately because of these journals. Then I seen him again today! He was sitting in a car with someone and waved at me. I find it really interesting how we are always crossing each others paths. He's like the only guy from my past that I can't seem to get away from. He grew his hair out and has so much facial hair. He's really unattractive! LOL! Despite that though he's always smiling when he sees me which is nice. It seems that he always enjoys seeing me. He took me off Facebook though which I don't blame him because why should we remain Facebook friends when we aren't even friends right? But I'm Facebook friends with a lot of people I'm not really friends with so whatever.
I had a horrifying dream this morning that Andy and I were on a bus and we were going down this really messed up mountain path and it wasn't even a road. The bus was all over the road. Then we got to the cliffs and the bus driver was playing a game or something on her phone and Andy took it away from her but just as he did that the bus driving lost control and our bus flew off the cliff and went way down into a huge river. It was so fucked up!! The bus driver and I were the only ones who survived and everyone else including Andy was gone. :( I think I had that dream because Andy has to drive a bunch of guys to work in a company van now. He did it for a little while in the beginning but then Jerry (his roommate) was driving but Jerry went home for a week. I just get so nervous because I know how tired he is after work. I would die is anything happened to him. He's so far away that if something happened to him I couldn't be there for him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if something happened and I had to get to him but I'd have to wait because I wouldn't drive. Driving would take too long and I'd be freaking out the whole time I'd probably get into an accident. I know I'm thinking way too much about this; I'm stressing myself out.
So Faith and I haven't spoken since Monday. Faith was my partner at school since the beginning. Well she was being really annoying on Monday and freaking out about something stupid and I snapped at her. It was nothing but she took it way bad and I apologized but she just freaked out at me some more so I left it at that. She wants to be a brat then she can be a brat. I don't have time for that bullshit. I'm dealing with so much as it is. Thank god the partner stuff is over! Unfortunately, I feel trapped at the back of the class now. I don't have anyone around me to ask for help so I just sit there with a dumb look on my face when I don't get something. Ugh, so annoying, I can't wait for this year to be over now.
Spring Break is coming up quick. I really which I could see Andy! He's going to be working so it wouldn't be smart to go up there and spend all that money just so I can see him for a few hours a day. I also don't want to give him a reason to bail on work or be too tired to work. It's going to be so hard though because I just want to see him so bad. Well I want to be with him so bad. I can see him every night if I want because we can webcam. We just got it this week and we've been apart for over 2 months! LOL! It's pretty sweet being able to cam at least. So for Spring Break I'm going to try and go to Mission. Steph and Sheila really want me to go there; I just don't know how I am going to get there. I'm scared to drive my car. It's really noisy right now and I know it's not something that is damaging to the car but it makes me uneasy. I also never trust my cars unless they sound like a good car should sound. I'm hoping my dad will get his car all fixed up so that I can borrow his car. I might still ask my mom if I can borrow her car. We'll see...I know she's not crazy about lending me her car to go to Mission. I don't blame her. It is her car and she pays for it. I can't wait until I can afford a new car. I think that's going to be my main goal as soon as I pay off my debts. I really don't have a lot of debts. I just have a few credit cards but one of them is out of hand and I haven't paid it in like 6 months. I refuse to put any money on it because I can't make the full payment yet and they're just going to keep harassing me every day if I make a payment but can't pay the whole thing. I'm already in serious collections and they finally stopped calling me every day. Now I think they call me like once a week if that. I don't know because I never answer and they stopped leaving messages. I just hope they don't send me to court. It would be really stupid if they did over $2300. I don't think a credit card company would bother doing that because that's small business for them. Court fees would be more than that. So I think I'm safe *knocks on wood*.
I am getting so fat again. Last year at this time I weight 15 pounds more but I feel just as fat. I always say I really want to lose weight but if I really did then I wouldn't be fat. I promised Tanis last year that I'd lose weight for Vegas and for her wedding and I never did. I let her down so bad. I need professional help. I need the Biggest Loser! I need Jillian Michaels to kick my ass not just physically but mentally because it's all mental for me. My brain is just so fucked. I've always been this way. I am an alcoholic to which doesn't help matters at all. That's something else I need help with. I don't want to get help for that though because it's fun. That's really sad. I am just not ready to make the change. I have so much going on with school and Andy being away that I can't handle it. I tried to do a cleanse which is really good for me and I freaked out. I had a freaking breakdown and I was so depressed. Yeah sure it may have gotten better if I stuck it out longer but I just didn't have the mental capacity to wait it out. I always said that if I didn't have Andy around so much that I would be able to lose weight but I also said that about not having a job and what did I do for a whole year while I was unemployed and had nothing better to do? I sat on my fat ass and got fat! LOL! I'm a sad, sad individual.
Well the Big Bang Theory is on soon. I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHOW TO DEATH I WOULD MARRY IT IF I COULD! Hahaa. No lie, I've seen every episode like 20 times over. I could never get tired of it. So yeah I'm going to watch that now. :)
I had a horrifying dream this morning that Andy and I were on a bus and we were going down this really messed up mountain path and it wasn't even a road. The bus was all over the road. Then we got to the cliffs and the bus driver was playing a game or something on her phone and Andy took it away from her but just as he did that the bus driving lost control and our bus flew off the cliff and went way down into a huge river. It was so fucked up!! The bus driver and I were the only ones who survived and everyone else including Andy was gone. :( I think I had that dream because Andy has to drive a bunch of guys to work in a company van now. He did it for a little while in the beginning but then Jerry (his roommate) was driving but Jerry went home for a week. I just get so nervous because I know how tired he is after work. I would die is anything happened to him. He's so far away that if something happened to him I couldn't be there for him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if something happened and I had to get to him but I'd have to wait because I wouldn't drive. Driving would take too long and I'd be freaking out the whole time I'd probably get into an accident. I know I'm thinking way too much about this; I'm stressing myself out.
So Faith and I haven't spoken since Monday. Faith was my partner at school since the beginning. Well she was being really annoying on Monday and freaking out about something stupid and I snapped at her. It was nothing but she took it way bad and I apologized but she just freaked out at me some more so I left it at that. She wants to be a brat then she can be a brat. I don't have time for that bullshit. I'm dealing with so much as it is. Thank god the partner stuff is over! Unfortunately, I feel trapped at the back of the class now. I don't have anyone around me to ask for help so I just sit there with a dumb look on my face when I don't get something. Ugh, so annoying, I can't wait for this year to be over now.
Spring Break is coming up quick. I really which I could see Andy! He's going to be working so it wouldn't be smart to go up there and spend all that money just so I can see him for a few hours a day. I also don't want to give him a reason to bail on work or be too tired to work. It's going to be so hard though because I just want to see him so bad. Well I want to be with him so bad. I can see him every night if I want because we can webcam. We just got it this week and we've been apart for over 2 months! LOL! It's pretty sweet being able to cam at least. So for Spring Break I'm going to try and go to Mission. Steph and Sheila really want me to go there; I just don't know how I am going to get there. I'm scared to drive my car. It's really noisy right now and I know it's not something that is damaging to the car but it makes me uneasy. I also never trust my cars unless they sound like a good car should sound. I'm hoping my dad will get his car all fixed up so that I can borrow his car. I might still ask my mom if I can borrow her car. We'll see...I know she's not crazy about lending me her car to go to Mission. I don't blame her. It is her car and she pays for it. I can't wait until I can afford a new car. I think that's going to be my main goal as soon as I pay off my debts. I really don't have a lot of debts. I just have a few credit cards but one of them is out of hand and I haven't paid it in like 6 months. I refuse to put any money on it because I can't make the full payment yet and they're just going to keep harassing me every day if I make a payment but can't pay the whole thing. I'm already in serious collections and they finally stopped calling me every day. Now I think they call me like once a week if that. I don't know because I never answer and they stopped leaving messages. I just hope they don't send me to court. It would be really stupid if they did over $2300. I don't think a credit card company would bother doing that because that's small business for them. Court fees would be more than that. So I think I'm safe *knocks on wood*.
I am getting so fat again. Last year at this time I weight 15 pounds more but I feel just as fat. I always say I really want to lose weight but if I really did then I wouldn't be fat. I promised Tanis last year that I'd lose weight for Vegas and for her wedding and I never did. I let her down so bad. I need professional help. I need the Biggest Loser! I need Jillian Michaels to kick my ass not just physically but mentally because it's all mental for me. My brain is just so fucked. I've always been this way. I am an alcoholic to which doesn't help matters at all. That's something else I need help with. I don't want to get help for that though because it's fun. That's really sad. I am just not ready to make the change. I have so much going on with school and Andy being away that I can't handle it. I tried to do a cleanse which is really good for me and I freaked out. I had a freaking breakdown and I was so depressed. Yeah sure it may have gotten better if I stuck it out longer but I just didn't have the mental capacity to wait it out. I always said that if I didn't have Andy around so much that I would be able to lose weight but I also said that about not having a job and what did I do for a whole year while I was unemployed and had nothing better to do? I sat on my fat ass and got fat! LOL! I'm a sad, sad individual.
Well the Big Bang Theory is on soon. I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHOW TO DEATH I WOULD MARRY IT IF I COULD! Hahaa. No lie, I've seen every episode like 20 times over. I could never get tired of it. So yeah I'm going to watch that now. :)