Cat "Gifts"
This morning I went outside to put some mail in the box and narrowly missed stepping on a sad little dead vole on my front porch. Anyone with an indoor/outdoor cat has been "Gifted" in just such a way. They bring home birds, mice, voles, once a bat, sometimes apples (another story for another day) and my friends down South get "Gifted" with lizards. I understand the cats are showing affection by giving me this prize. I understand they are also showing their skills to me, to let me know how Special they are--as if I didn't already know without the carnage.
Despite being told "NO! BAD KITTY!" when actually caught in the act of bringing home these "Gifts" they continue to do it. So, sadly, I have little bodies buried all over the property. They apparently make good fertilizer for the flower beds, but still, I would rather not be given little corpses as presents. Nobody likes that kind of present. Let's face it, such a thing could really screw up Christmas Morning at the In-Laws.
The "plot" that has gotten the most mouse and bird bodies is Bunny's Memorial Garden. He is surrounded by Dead Presents. Seeing the little dead vole this morning and knowing exactly what I was going to do with him put me in mind of the following joke:
A cat died and went to heaven. God met him at the gate and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cat says, "Well, I've lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God said, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appeared.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God met them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs, and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God said, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse was fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check and see how the cat was doing. The cat was sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently woke him up and asked, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawned and stretched and said, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels are great."