fic- "Time Heals" (NC-17, Complete, SGA, Ties that Bind) Part 3
Time Heals by CJ aka WritinginCT (NC-17)
Fandom: Stargate SGA
Pairing: multiple m/m (primarily OC's), m/f, m/m/f
Warnings: rape/ torture recovery (non graphic descriptions of the assault itself)
Categories: Drama, romance, friendship, family, BDsM.
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them.
Status: Complete 6/08/2011 53200 words
Summary: Time may have healed their bodies, but for two damaged men assigned to Atlantis, it will take meeting each other to truly become whole again.
Note: Set, with permission, in the alternate SGA universe The Ties That Bind created by keiramarcos , which was inspired by xanthelj 's works Coming Home and General & Dr. Sheppard.
Thanks to singletailwhip for the grammar beta! She's a master comma wrangler and error catcher!
Special thanks to Keira for letting me play in her sandbox and her support and beta. I adore the TTB series and I'm so excited to have permission to be a part of it- thank you, Keira!
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Carmine had a little time in between briefings and PT and he went looking for someone. He didn't know exactly who the "someone" was, it differed from ship to ship in the Navy, but he knew there had to be a "go to" guy somewhere on board the Daedalus. The guy that would have a supply of little gifts or things not necessarily available from the quartermaster.
He found out that the go-to guy on board the Daedalus was a Sergeant David Scalfani down in the armory. Carmine made his way down there and found Scalfani.
Scalfani gave him an odd look when he walked into the armory but Carmine took it in stride, he was used to odd looks.
"Sir?"
"Sergeant, I was told that you're the man to see if I need a gift."
"Are you looking for anything in particular, sir?"
"Just a thank you gift for a female sub that did something nice for me yesterday. Something fun and girly maybe."
"I have some nice silver earrings I picked up in Mexico."
"Sounds good, show me what you've got."
Scalfani went and opened a locked trunk in the corner and pulled out a selection of earrings. Carmine looked them over and picked out a pretty set of dangling butterfly earrings. He could picture them on Anka and he smiled.
Scalfani was studying him again and finally asked, "Sir, have we met before? I feel like we've met but I can't place where."
They compared deployments without success when Carmine asked, "Where did you train?"
"I did two sessions at Bellezza Nascosta, sir."
Carmine grinned. "Me, too. That's got to be it, when did you attend?"
As it turned out, Scalfani was doing his first session when Carmine was doing his second.
"Mystery solved, sir. Do you want to take the earrings with you or do want me to deliver?"
"You do that?" Carmine asked.
"Sure. Gift wrap, too. I'm one stop shopping."
"Works for me."
"Who are they going to, sir?"
"Lieutenant Erickson. She's a nurse in the infirmary."
"Oh yeah, she's one of the new ones, I've only seen her a couple of times, never talked to her," he had pulled out a small pink gift bag and was crinkling up tissue paper in it as he talked, "She's a pretty girl, but she really needs to loosen up just a little. Maybe ditch that bun and smile more."
"Maybe she needs to hear that."
Scalfani added some curling ribbon to the bag's handled and said incredulously, "Even I know better than to tell a woman to loosen up, sir."
Carmine chuckled. "No, I meant that first part."
"What? That's she's pretty? All anyone has to do is look at her to know that."
Carmine shrugged and replied nonchalantly, "Maybe she doesn't know."
---------------
Later that afternoon Scalfani entered the infirmary with the little gift bag in hand. There was a nurse standing with her back to him that he didn't recognize. He cleared his throat and asked, "Excuse me, I'm looking for Lieutenant Erickson."
Anka turned around at the statement and Scalfani sucked in a breath. The nurse he hadn't recognized was the Lieutenant herself, but she looked completely different. Her hair was piled loosely in a clip and little tendrils were curling around her face and she was wearing light cosmetics that accentuated the soft graceful features of her face. The combined effect made her look ten years younger and she was stunning.
"Yes? I'm Lieutenant Erickson, can I help you?" Anka asked, smiling a little nervously at the extremely handsome Dom in front of her.
"I have a delivery for you from Commander Picone, Lieutenant." He held out the gift bag.
She took it gingerly and replied, "Thank you...?" She trailed off looking at his name tape on his jumpsuit.
"Sergeant David Scalfani, ma'am. I've seen you a couple of times but we haven't actually been introduced. I'm very pleased to meet you, Lieutenant," he replied.
"You, too, Sergeant. Thank you for delivering this."
"You're welcome. I should let you get back to work, ma'am."
Scalfani took a few steps towards the door before pausing and turning around. "Lieutenant?"
"Yes?" she asked with a questioning look on her face.
"Your hair," he gestured with his finger, "It looks nice like that."
Anka dropped her eyes and a pink blush spread across her cheeks much to Scalfani's delight as her hand unconsciously reached up to toy with one of her curls.
Before she could reply he turned back around and left the infirmary only to pause in the corridor before quickly turning on his heel and heading back into the infirmary.
Anka met his eyes as he reentered the room and he asked for everyone to hear, "Lieutenant, would you have dinner with me?"
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The first few days on board passed quickly thanks to the full schedule everyone had. Joey still saw Carmine in his daily PT, and though they spoke casually, the Dom gave Joey his space and didn't press his interest.
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Joey wanted to groan. The mess hall was exceptionally busy and he stood there with his tray trying to spot someone he knew with an empty seat with no luck.
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"Oh, he's cute," Adrian said to the table in general as he saw the gorgeous tawny-haired sub looking around the mess hall.
Ramon looked up from his food and grunted and rolled his eyes at his sub.
"Who are you gawking at now?" Carmine asked and swiveled around in his chair to see Joey standing there looking for all the world like a lost puppy in the crowded mess.
Carmine stood up without hesitation and over the din called out, "Olsen."
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At the sound of his name, Joey's attention was drawn to Carmine who was gesturing for him to join his table. Joey took a deep breath and made his way over there.
Carmine was sitting with two others, a Dom and his sub by the look of things. The empty chair at the table was next to Carmine and Joey hesitantly put his tray down.
"Master Sergeant Joseph Olsen this is Chief Petty Officer Ramon Gutierrez, a fellow SEAL and a member of my team. And the one across from you that's probably about to say something stupid is Ramon's husband, and my cousin, Adrian Picone."
"Hello," Joey replied shyly.
The shy start not withstanding, the conversation at the table soon took off. Joey found himself readily pulled into the conversation by all three other men. None of them letting him get away with not joining in.
It was Adrian that explained, "You have to understand that Carmine is one of four children, I'm one of five, and Ramon's poor Mamma had seven. We all come from big, noisy families where everyone talks over everyone else. What about you? Any brothers or sisters?"
Joey swallowed lightly before replying, "I don't think so. I mean I don't really know. I got dumped into the foster care system when I was six. I didn't see my mother again and I don't know who my father was, he wasn't listed on my birth certificate."
Carmine's heart broke a little for Joey. His family was crazy at best, and though they argued and fought, he couldn't imagine them not being there. Ramon sensed the unease at the table and in his self-appointed role as diplomat asked, "Is that why you joined the Air Force?"
Joey shot Ramon a grateful look for the conversation segue and replied, "Yeah. I saw too many of the other kids in the system ending up dead or in jail so I made a smarter choice and here I am."
Carmine put some food on his fork and added, "And soon to be an engineer," with a touch of pride, before shoveling in his food.
"What's this now?" Adrian asked.
"I'm working on my degree. I've got three classes left on my bachelor's then I'm hoping to go on for my master's in engineering."
"Good for you, man. I took a few classes long distance, that's hard work," Ramon replied.
"I struggled with a couple of classes, but got through it." Joey turned his attention to Adrian and asked, "What's your field?"
"I'm a general contractor. I've got my plumbing and electrical licenses and I do all the, you know, carpentry, drywall, that kind of thing. Dr. Weir seemed excited to have me coming along, I guess the poor city needs some work."
Joey and Adrian chit-chatted back and forth about the seemingly never-ending list of repairs that the city needed for a few minutes. While the two subs held each other's attention, Ramon met Carmine's eyes, and without a word being said between them, Ramon knew that Joey was the sub that had Carmine so off-kilter.
Ramon liked Joey. Once the sub had realized that neither Carmine or Ramon were going to proposition or pressure him or crush him with their dynamics, he had relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy the company and conversation. There was certainly a wariness about him though that Ramon could sense, although he didn't think it had anything to do with Carmine specifically but rather Doms in general. In fact, Joey seemed to be quite taken by Carmine and it was obvious to anyone watching the two of them that it was mutual.
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Colonel Caldwell paused in the entryway to the mess hall. It was crowded and having their CO stroll in would just turn it into chaos. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed Joey sitting with three men he didn't know. Two of the men were obviously a pairing, the other man sitting next to Joey was a truly impressive physical specimen of a solider, the horrendous scars on his face not withstanding. Steven watched with interest as the man was telling some story that had Joey and the other two laughing. Joey's body language was relaxed and he appeared to be truly enjoying himself.
Steven turned to go with a wry smile on his face. He wanted nothing more than to see Joey happy and settled with a Dom that cared about him, but it still stung that he himself wouldn't be that Dom.
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More and more Joey found himself spending time with Carmine, either solo or with Ramon and Adrian. Joey had forgotten how nice it was to have friends, people whose company he truly enjoyed and seemed to enjoy his. The loss of most of his friends due to his pulling away from everyone after Borden was something he regretted and he had decided to make a conscious effort to rectify that in his new posting.
Joey didn't know exactly what to make of Carmine. The attraction between them was certainly still there, but Carmine left it alone completely, never mentioning Joey's rejection or pushing his dynamic on him. They got to know one another casually over coffees and meals, and other times Carmine would just plunk down at the table with his own data tablet when Joey was studying and they would work in companionable silence. And more often than not, Carmine would walk Joey back to his quarters at the end of the day.
Carmine made Joey feel safe and protected--and it absolutely terrified him.
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Joey was walking back to his quarters, alone, as Carmine was off sparring with the other SEALs. He was hoping to get another chapter's worth of studying done when Steven called his name from the other end of the corridor.
"Hey, what are you up to?" Steven asked.
"Heading back to my quarter's to study for a while. You, sir?"
"Colonel Sheppard just reserved a play room, and I'm heading for an observation room. I'm curious to see him in action."
Joey nodded, his mouth dry at the thought of seeing Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay exhibiting. He hadn't attended their exhibition at the SGC but from what he had heard from others that did, it had been amazing.
Steven chuckled seeing the excitement on Joey's face. "C'mon," he said and headed for the observation room that was always reserved for him as the ship's commander.
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The sights and sounds coming from the playroom below were a thing to behold. Joey was transfixed watching Doctor McKay submit so completely and without fear or hesitation to Colonel Sheppard. It was beautiful to watch, and humbling.
The light kiss of flogger on skin made Joey fantasize for just the briefest of moments what it would like to be the one bound to the cross with Carmine holding the flogger. His brow furrowed at the thought and he started when Steven's arms slipped under his to embrace him.
Joey relaxed into the familiar embrace and Steven murmured, "They are gorgeous together."
Joey nodded but didn't say anything. Steven knew Joey too well though, and knew that there were some powerful emotions swirling around in that head of his.
He squeezed Joey tighter and said sadly, "You know if I thought for one second that a collar would fix this for you, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
Joey closed his eyes and dropped his chin, the sounds from the playroom making him tense with each blow. His voice was low and broken as he replied, "I know."
When the sounds of the flogger switched to the sounds of cane hitting flesh Joey broke completely. He turned in Steven's arms as the first sob escaped him. It was the first time he had dared let his true emotions out since Borden had ruined his life.
Steven held him tightly through the storm of tears laden with sadness and rage. Steven's embrace was strong and his murmured words of support, gentle. He had long suspected that Joey had never truly dealt with aftermath of Borden's actions, no matter what he said or pulled over on the psych exams, and this was his proof.
Eventually, Joey quieted against him and Steven asked softly, "Better?"
Joey nodded, but added in a whisper, "I'm sorry."
Steven pulled back and cupped Joey's face in his hands. His expression was grave and concerned and he shook his head sadly as he said, "Joey, you know that I love you, and I will always be here for you no matter what. But I have to tell you, you're scaring me right now. You need to deal with what happened before it completely tears you up inside. You can't live like this. You can't just keep bottling up all your needs alongside all your fears, you're going to explode. I want you to get help. I can make it an order if you need me to, but I would rather not do that."
"I just..."
"Just what?" Steven prodded gently.
"I just want to be like I used to be," Joey admitted in a small voice.
"I know. And you can get there again, Joey. But you need to talk to someone who can help you. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and I'll personally kick the ass of anyone that makes you feel that way. I know that somewhere down deep you think somehow that what Borden did was your fault, but it wasn't, Joey. You deserve to find someone who you want and that wants you, someone for you to touch and someone to touch you that turns you on so much you forget your own name. But most of all, Joey, you deserve someone to love, somebody that's going to protect you and cherish and honor the gifts you give them."
More fresh, hot tears streamed down Joey's face, wetting Steven's hands and he sadly replied, "Who'd want me now, Steven?"
Steven's expression softened and he teased halfheartedly, "You mean besides me?"
Joey sniffed hard and pulling away gently from Steven, said, "You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do. And I'm thinking there's someone in particular that has you so twisted up at the moment. Am I right?"
Joey dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.
"Picone?"
Joey's eyes, wide with questions, quickly met Steven's again and Steven said with a smirk, "Contrary to popular belief, I like to think I have a pretty good handle on what's going on aboard my ship. Has he offered to play?"
Joey's reply was quiet, "Yeah, but I... I turned him down."
"Yet you're still spending a lot of time with him. So, I'm assuming he took your rejection okay."
"He doesn't pressure me."
"Do you feel safe with him?"
"Yes. No. Yes...but that's what worries me, Steven. I feel like I could maybe trust him, like I'd be safe with him, and that's what scares me to death."
"Look, from what I read in his personnel file, he's a good guy, solid, dependable, with nothing but rave reviews from all his superiors and a boatload of medals and commendations up to and including being awarded the Navy Cross. There isn't one iota of anything in his jacket that makes me twitchy about a sub playing with him."
"He doesn't know about me. About what happened."
"Maybe you should tell him."
Joey swallowed hard and his voice wavered a little as he replied, "I can't, I just... I can't."
Joey looked ready to fly apart again and Steven reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "Joey, the man looks at you like you hung the fucking moon. And if he's the type of man and the type of Dom I think he is, none of it is going to matter to him."
Joey nodded sadly in acknowledgment but didn't say anything and they stood there quietly for a moment, the only sound in the room that of Colonel Sheppard repacking his kit down in the playroom. Neither Joey nor Steven had been paying attention to the activities below for a while, and they had missed the big finish.
Steven's voice was low as he offered, "You and Picone are both gonna be stationed on Atlantis, so no one is saying you need to rush into anything with him, and if he's not pressuring you, then taking some time shouldn't be an issue. I think you should stop by the infirmary and have them set you up with one of the counselors on the Atlantis staff to start working through all the stuff in your head. And when you're ready there are good people on Atlantis that will act as a safety net for you. You said that Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne were both informed of your situation, I can't imagine either of them refusing if you ask them to monitor a play date."
"No, I can't either," Joey admitted, his eyes downcast again.
Steven's hand migrated from Joey's shoulder to rest warmly on the back of Joey's bare neck; it was times like this that Steven's fingers could almost still feel the smooth links of the collar that Joey had worn.
"When was the last time you had any down time?" Steven queried.
Joey shrugged noncommittally in response.
Switching his voice over to the tone that Joey would forever and always obey without hesitation, Steven said, "Go get a kneeling cushion from the cabinet in the corner."
Steven settled himself into the comfortable leather chair near the window to the playroom below and spun it around so he was instead facing the room while Joey fetched the cushion.
In motions so painfully familiar, they soon had themselves situated. Joey was on his knees next to Steven's chair, his head resting on Steven's thigh with Steven's hand gently stroking his head.
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The next day Joey visited the infirmary.
Joey was visibly uncomfortable and the doctor on duty quickly found them a private area to talk. Joey stammered out his request for counseling and the doctor listened compassionately, knowing how incredibly difficult it must have been for the man to get the request out. Joey hadn't come right out and said that he had been the victim of a sexual assault, but the doctor was able to read between the lines.
"I will arrange something for you, Sergeant, with the strictest of confidentiality. We have two new psychologists on board that will be assigned to Atlantis, let me speak with them and find out which of them will better suit your needs."
"Thank you, Doctor."
Later on, the doctor pulled up Joey's medical file to find out more about the assault only to find that Joey's traveling medical record had been heavily redacted under order of General O'Neill. The details of what had happened to Olsen were a mystery.
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Ramon and Carmine and a couple other guys were playing basketball on the small half-court tucked away in one of the recreation areas when a small group of five Daedalus personnel came in laughing and griping to each other.
"Four times he made me redo that damn report. Four fucking times," one of them said.
"Yeah, he's definitely been in a bad mood the past few days. I think he needs to get laid," replied another.
"Or maybe go to the infirmary for some little blue pills," offered a third, and received a high-five from one of the others.
"What's this now?" asked the first man.
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"Scuttlebutt's got it that the other night when Sheppard was in the playroom that Caldwell watched from his observation room with that sub that used to wear his collar and that they were in there for a couple hours after Sheppard and McKay left the playroom."
"So?"
"Scuttlebutt's also got it that when they left Caldwell looked stressed-out and that there wasn't anything out of place in the observation room. No used condoms or opened packets of lube and none of the toys in the cabinet had their sanitation seals broken."
"So what are you saying? He couldn't get it up?"
"Either that or the hot little piece of ass he was in there with is really just useless."
Ramon heard the entire exchange the same as Carmine and saw the rage about to explode out of the big Italian. Carmine stomped over towards the five with Ramon a step behind him muttering, "Well, there's only five. And they're Air Force. I guess it's better odds than us against those eight Marines I picked a fight with in San Diego last year."
The sight of a livid mountain of a man descending upon them shut up all five when Carmine bellowed, "Does everyone on this fucking ship think it's appropriate to discuss their commanding officer's private business?"
No one said a word until one particularly cocky F-302 pilot piped up, "What the fuck's it to you? Heard that sub turned you down flat anyway."
Carmine was not known for being a man who lost his temper. He was generally calm and rational... but it took Ramon and two others to pull him off that wiseass pilot.
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Steven sat across from Sheppard. Both men had watched the security footage of the incident a couple of times and gone over the written reports submitted by those involved.
Steven scrubbed his face with his hands and said, "I guess the trickle down ass reaming isn't working. And I also guess it shouldn't really surprise me that the pilot involved is Major Victor's second. I'm thinking I need to do some housecleaning when I get back to Earth. It's like some sort of fucking brain-rot took hold in my 302 squadron."
Sheppard sighed and nodded. "Yeah, there's definitely a bigger problem there than just sub bullying. There's a total lack of respect that definitely needs to be addressed. I'd suggest in a very fucking hard and public way."
"Yeah, but that's my problem to deal with. Now about Picone..."
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Carmine stood stiffly in Colonel Sheppard's office. He knew the Colonel was a hardass, and was expecting his punishment for the brawl to be severe.
Sheppard leveled a glare at Carmine, studying him for a long, uncomfortable moment but when he spoke his voice was even and without heat or temper.
"Well, Picone, do you have anything to say?"
"Sir, the situation certainly could have and should have been handled differently and I regret that it wasn't, but with all due respect, sir, I do not regret the altercation itself. He was out of line and needed a lesson in manners, sir. I apologize if I have brought any embarrassment to you or this command, and will willingly accept any punishment you deem fit for my actions, sir."
"What you did was certainly understandable, Commander, but you're right, it was avoidable. And should a similar situation arise in the future under my command I fully expect you to keep yourself in check. Understood?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Now as far as punishment goes, Colonel Caldwell has requested to handle that himself. Report to his quarters this evening after your assigned duties."
"His quarters, sir?"
"Yes, the Colonel wants to handle this privately, Commander."
"Understood, sir."
"All right then, there will be no record of this in your personnel file. That being said, I am like an elephant that never forgets, and this shit is not tolerated on Atlantis, am I clear?"
"Absolutely, sir."
"Good. You have anything else you want to say or ask?"
Carmine hesitated but then said anyway, "I think there's a problem on this ship, sir. And from what I've heard and witnessed, it seems to originate in the 302 squadron, sir."
"Recent events have been more than highlighting that for us, Commander, but I would appreciate it if you would submit a report to me with specifics and copy Colonel Caldwell as well."
"You'll have it this afternoon, sir."
"I'll keep an eye out for it. Alright, you're dismissed."
"Thank you, sir."
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Part 4
Time Heals index