A Tale of Two Phone Calls
Current Mood: 
you've gotta be kidding me.
Current Music: The Tide is High- Blondie
So.
I've had a very eventful day today.
I talked on the phone today to the two most prominent men in my life. They have their own LJ tags, they are the sole subject of many, many journal entries, and the root of most of my problems.
You guessed it: Jeremy and Mike.
I know, right? You're thinking, "Did you just say Jeremy??"
Yes. I did. I was at work and I answered the phone.
"Thank you for calling KFC, how may I help you?"
"Who is this?" demands a man's voice.
GULP. (Jeremy just posted a note that nobody is allowed to answer the phone unless they're a manager. Me = not manager.)
"Samantha," I reply a little nervously, at the same time I realize that voice belongs to Jeremy.
Now his voice changes slightly, but it's still enough to make me squirm. "Samantha?" he repeats.
"Yes. Sam," I added, just in case he forgot who I was. (Roll your eyes, it's okay. I was just... spazzy.)
"Sam?" he repeats, and I vaguely realize he's just teasing me now, but my nerves are still too... all over the place, and Shannon's looking at me, and... it's Jeremy. I would have probably given a whole paycheck to talk to him on the phone again.
So again I say, "Yep."
"What's going on?" he asks. (He made conversation, isn't that cute?)
At this point I turn away, because I was facing Shannon and my face just broke out into a stupid grin, so I tried to turn away so she couldn't see my reactions, and also because I wanted to keep that moment for myself.
Anyway, I don't remember the exact word for word, but I didn't get yelled at for answering the phone.
I replied, "Oh, not much."
"Not much?" (He repeats everything. I believe that's one of the things that unnerves me. I don't know why. Mike doesn't do this to me. No other guy does. I've talked to Jeremy, Mike, Daniel and Trudale, and only Jeremy has this stupid affect on me. I guess I just care too much. It's different. I savor every word Jeremy says, just the sound of his voice, and I tuck it away to think about later when I actually allowed to get that stupid smile on my face.)
"Nope," I verify.
Then we hit a silence of about 1 and a half to 2 seconds, and then we both start to talk at the same time.
"So-" I say.
"Is-" he says.
Then we both stop.
"What?" we both ask.
I smiled. "Go on."
"What were you going to say?"
"Nothing."
Were you saying something?"
"Nope," I replied. (I was just going to say, "So, did you want to talk to Denise?" but I would have been so mad at myself later for it, because I would have felt like I was rushing him off the phone. I'm glad I didn't get to say it.)
"You didn't say anything?"
Again, I say, "Nope."
"Okay. Well, is Denise around?"
"Sure, just a second."
Then I called Denise, and proceeded to float around KFC the rest of the day. Shannon said I was wearing my "happy boots." Made me smile.
Now, this confused me enough for today. After the last couple times I've been around Jeremy --and everyone else at work, of course-- I had decided he did not see me "that way" and never would.
But he talked to me in that same playful, flirty tone he used when he called to tell me I got the job. And he was alone in his car, so he could say whatever he wanted however he wanted to say it. And that brought me to point out that Jeremy always treats me a little differently when we're off by ourselves. When he's up front where everyone can hear him, he's one way. (And don't get me wrong, I love this side of him. I would have to. It's the side I see about 90% of the time.) But whenever only I can hear him, he's a little different. A little softer, a little sweeter. It was when we were back by the freezer --alone-- that I got the "I wouldn't let you down." About one minute prior to this he was up front quoting Adam Sandler movies and saying, "No I will not make out with you" when I almost bumped into him again. But when we're alone he's more playful to me. This is why he keeps freaking confusing me. I convince myself he sees me as an innocent 12-year-old, and then he mixes the signals up by using tones.
Which brings me to Confusion #2.
All day I've felt it coming. Since I talked to Jeremy at work. I somehow sensed it. I just knew it was coming. (Plus, it's about that time.)
I was sitting in my room journaling and writing my schedule --which kind of sucks-- down in my journal and the phone rings.
But not my Chamillionaire ringtone. Oh no. The old fashioned telephone ring that I have Mike's home and cell phone numbers set to. (But I also have Erika's set to that, so there was a chance...)
I go, "No." And I look over at my ringing phone, and I slowly pick it up and turn itover.
Mike cell, it tells me.
In a slight state of disbelief I flip my phone open and go, "Hello."
"Hey."
It's Mike.
So we talk for six and a half minutes, then he tells me he's at the theater, so he's going to go, and he'll give me a call sometime, or I could call him. For some reason that I don't completely understand I replied quite fervently, "Definitely."
And now I'm just completely confused and screwed up.
I also saw Jeremy's wife tonight.
And she smiled at me.
And I wanted to crawl into the floor and die.
And then I felt unusually hot, and I decided it must be the heat from hell since I seem to just keep getting closer.
Which really sucks, because God has recently come back to me.
And now here I am... wandering. And I don't want to wander, but I didn't anticipate talking to Jeremy.... And if you could have only been there. If someone could just understand how nice it felt to hear his voice on the other line. It felt so wonderful, so right. I wanted to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. Even the silence wasn't terrible on my side, because I could just picture him sitting there on his cell phone in his car... just his presence was enough. It traveled through the phone.
And I talked to Mike less than 12 hours later and it didn't feel the same at all.
It made Mike's phone call seem so...empty and meaningless.
And I did ask myself, "Could God have made Mike call? Is He Trying to distract me again? Why did mike call?"
But it wasn't God. It was Mike. His new girlfriend is leaving for college soon and there will be an opening. So he decided to give me --and probably the rest of the runners-up-- a call. Not that I'm a runner-up. I'm totally not. I was offered the spot before her, just not as formally. Instead of asking me for a date he tries to make-out with me and get a handjob. (I am so not getting in the backseat with him again. I don't trust that boy.)
I kind of hope he doesn't go there again.
I am not dating Mike. I would like to be his friend, and I would love for things to go back to how they used to be before this whole almost-dating disaster, back before he tried to get favors from me and before I was just his stupid "bunny," back when he treated me like a human and slow danced with me in the drive-thru window.
And guess what he said?
It actually excited me a little.
He said he was thinking about trying to come back to KFC. If they'll take him.
So...I'm thinking of asking Denise tomorrow if they would be willing to take Mike back if he wanted to come back. Just to sate my own curiousity, and also just so I would know if it comes up again.
It would be fun to work with Mike again. And now Nina's out of his system, and according toher she doesn't like him anyway, so if I work with Mike and Nina together, I think I should just disregard Nina, pretend I don't know, not act differently.
But here's another question.
What does that imply? What is "not acting differently"? What's normal? I want it to be how it used to be, but back then Mike was apparently trying to get me. So do I have to play hard-to-get and be a tease with Mike for the rest of our relationship? And exactly how long is this relationship going to last? How many breaks are we going to survive? Because I can already count three breaks, and he's made a surprise return at the end of every single one.
But see, being hard-to-get with a guy like Mike is probably bad, because he may never give up. I'm not his only project, certainly not, but he keeps his options open. Gotta give him that.
Darn it, I forgot to nudge him to call Erika.
I suck.
He didn't tell me about his girlfriend.
But why would he? She's leaving. It would be stupid at this point.
But that answers my question. He isn't falling in love with her.
*Sigh*
Boys are confusing creatures.
Erika warned me that Mike would keep me constantly wondering, "What's he thinking?" but it still surprises me how much he does that to me.
Between Player!Mike and Married!Jeremy I don't stand a frickin' chance.
But maybe...
No. Stupid.
There was a reason I didn't call Mike, darn it. I thought about calling him again and I didn't, and I had a very good reason for that. A very good reason. Several of them.
However, I still have the same problem that ended up making me go to the porn store with Mike.
Of course I'm also being saddled with a newly spotless reputation since everyone but Shannon seems to have forgotten about these indiscretions... And Mike is a very good indiscretion, he gets your halo --and reputation-- good and dirty. So my "sensitive ears" problem would go away, and people would probably stop being surprised that I know bad things happen in the shed. And I'm not really going to date him, it's just that people tend to wonder...
Wait, I have to get a look at Kayla and Monica first. I'll know by the end of the week if it's a bad idea. One's 16 and one's 17, so they're Mike's prime age.
I dunno.
It's been quite a day.
you've gotta be kidding me.
Current Music: The Tide is High- Blondie
So.
I've had a very eventful day today.
I talked on the phone today to the two most prominent men in my life. They have their own LJ tags, they are the sole subject of many, many journal entries, and the root of most of my problems.
You guessed it: Jeremy and Mike.
I know, right? You're thinking, "Did you just say Jeremy??"
Yes. I did. I was at work and I answered the phone.
"Thank you for calling KFC, how may I help you?"
"Who is this?" demands a man's voice.
GULP. (Jeremy just posted a note that nobody is allowed to answer the phone unless they're a manager. Me = not manager.)
"Samantha," I reply a little nervously, at the same time I realize that voice belongs to Jeremy.
Now his voice changes slightly, but it's still enough to make me squirm. "Samantha?" he repeats.
"Yes. Sam," I added, just in case he forgot who I was. (Roll your eyes, it's okay. I was just... spazzy.)
"Sam?" he repeats, and I vaguely realize he's just teasing me now, but my nerves are still too... all over the place, and Shannon's looking at me, and... it's Jeremy. I would have probably given a whole paycheck to talk to him on the phone again.
So again I say, "Yep."
"What's going on?" he asks. (He made conversation, isn't that cute?)
At this point I turn away, because I was facing Shannon and my face just broke out into a stupid grin, so I tried to turn away so she couldn't see my reactions, and also because I wanted to keep that moment for myself.
Anyway, I don't remember the exact word for word, but I didn't get yelled at for answering the phone.
I replied, "Oh, not much."
"Not much?" (He repeats everything. I believe that's one of the things that unnerves me. I don't know why. Mike doesn't do this to me. No other guy does. I've talked to Jeremy, Mike, Daniel and Trudale, and only Jeremy has this stupid affect on me. I guess I just care too much. It's different. I savor every word Jeremy says, just the sound of his voice, and I tuck it away to think about later when I actually allowed to get that stupid smile on my face.)
"Nope," I verify.
Then we hit a silence of about 1 and a half to 2 seconds, and then we both start to talk at the same time.
"So-" I say.
"Is-" he says.
Then we both stop.
"What?" we both ask.
I smiled. "Go on."
"What were you going to say?"
"Nothing."
Were you saying something?"
"Nope," I replied. (I was just going to say, "So, did you want to talk to Denise?" but I would have been so mad at myself later for it, because I would have felt like I was rushing him off the phone. I'm glad I didn't get to say it.)
"You didn't say anything?"
Again, I say, "Nope."
"Okay. Well, is Denise around?"
"Sure, just a second."
Then I called Denise, and proceeded to float around KFC the rest of the day. Shannon said I was wearing my "happy boots." Made me smile.
Now, this confused me enough for today. After the last couple times I've been around Jeremy --and everyone else at work, of course-- I had decided he did not see me "that way" and never would.
But he talked to me in that same playful, flirty tone he used when he called to tell me I got the job. And he was alone in his car, so he could say whatever he wanted however he wanted to say it. And that brought me to point out that Jeremy always treats me a little differently when we're off by ourselves. When he's up front where everyone can hear him, he's one way. (And don't get me wrong, I love this side of him. I would have to. It's the side I see about 90% of the time.) But whenever only I can hear him, he's a little different. A little softer, a little sweeter. It was when we were back by the freezer --alone-- that I got the "I wouldn't let you down." About one minute prior to this he was up front quoting Adam Sandler movies and saying, "No I will not make out with you" when I almost bumped into him again. But when we're alone he's more playful to me. This is why he keeps freaking confusing me. I convince myself he sees me as an innocent 12-year-old, and then he mixes the signals up by using tones.
Which brings me to Confusion #2.
All day I've felt it coming. Since I talked to Jeremy at work. I somehow sensed it. I just knew it was coming. (Plus, it's about that time.)
I was sitting in my room journaling and writing my schedule --which kind of sucks-- down in my journal and the phone rings.
But not my Chamillionaire ringtone. Oh no. The old fashioned telephone ring that I have Mike's home and cell phone numbers set to. (But I also have Erika's set to that, so there was a chance...)
I go, "No." And I look over at my ringing phone, and I slowly pick it up and turn itover.
Mike cell, it tells me.
In a slight state of disbelief I flip my phone open and go, "Hello."
"Hey."
It's Mike.
So we talk for six and a half minutes, then he tells me he's at the theater, so he's going to go, and he'll give me a call sometime, or I could call him. For some reason that I don't completely understand I replied quite fervently, "Definitely."
And now I'm just completely confused and screwed up.
I also saw Jeremy's wife tonight.
And she smiled at me.
And I wanted to crawl into the floor and die.
And then I felt unusually hot, and I decided it must be the heat from hell since I seem to just keep getting closer.
Which really sucks, because God has recently come back to me.
And now here I am... wandering. And I don't want to wander, but I didn't anticipate talking to Jeremy.... And if you could have only been there. If someone could just understand how nice it felt to hear his voice on the other line. It felt so wonderful, so right. I wanted to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. Even the silence wasn't terrible on my side, because I could just picture him sitting there on his cell phone in his car... just his presence was enough. It traveled through the phone.
And I talked to Mike less than 12 hours later and it didn't feel the same at all.
It made Mike's phone call seem so...empty and meaningless.
And I did ask myself, "Could God have made Mike call? Is He Trying to distract me again? Why did mike call?"
But it wasn't God. It was Mike. His new girlfriend is leaving for college soon and there will be an opening. So he decided to give me --and probably the rest of the runners-up-- a call. Not that I'm a runner-up. I'm totally not. I was offered the spot before her, just not as formally. Instead of asking me for a date he tries to make-out with me and get a handjob. (I am so not getting in the backseat with him again. I don't trust that boy.)
I kind of hope he doesn't go there again.
I am not dating Mike. I would like to be his friend, and I would love for things to go back to how they used to be before this whole almost-dating disaster, back before he tried to get favors from me and before I was just his stupid "bunny," back when he treated me like a human and slow danced with me in the drive-thru window.
And guess what he said?
It actually excited me a little.
He said he was thinking about trying to come back to KFC. If they'll take him.
So...I'm thinking of asking Denise tomorrow if they would be willing to take Mike back if he wanted to come back. Just to sate my own curiousity, and also just so I would know if it comes up again.
It would be fun to work with Mike again. And now Nina's out of his system, and according toher she doesn't like him anyway, so if I work with Mike and Nina together, I think I should just disregard Nina, pretend I don't know, not act differently.
But here's another question.
What does that imply? What is "not acting differently"? What's normal? I want it to be how it used to be, but back then Mike was apparently trying to get me. So do I have to play hard-to-get and be a tease with Mike for the rest of our relationship? And exactly how long is this relationship going to last? How many breaks are we going to survive? Because I can already count three breaks, and he's made a surprise return at the end of every single one.
But see, being hard-to-get with a guy like Mike is probably bad, because he may never give up. I'm not his only project, certainly not, but he keeps his options open. Gotta give him that.
Darn it, I forgot to nudge him to call Erika.
I suck.
He didn't tell me about his girlfriend.
But why would he? She's leaving. It would be stupid at this point.
But that answers my question. He isn't falling in love with her.
*Sigh*
Boys are confusing creatures.
Erika warned me that Mike would keep me constantly wondering, "What's he thinking?" but it still surprises me how much he does that to me.
Between Player!Mike and Married!Jeremy I don't stand a frickin' chance.
But maybe...
No. Stupid.
There was a reason I didn't call Mike, darn it. I thought about calling him again and I didn't, and I had a very good reason for that. A very good reason. Several of them.
However, I still have the same problem that ended up making me go to the porn store with Mike.
Of course I'm also being saddled with a newly spotless reputation since everyone but Shannon seems to have forgotten about these indiscretions... And Mike is a very good indiscretion, he gets your halo --and reputation-- good and dirty. So my "sensitive ears" problem would go away, and people would probably stop being surprised that I know bad things happen in the shed. And I'm not really going to date him, it's just that people tend to wonder...
Wait, I have to get a look at Kayla and Monica first. I'll know by the end of the week if it's a bad idea. One's 16 and one's 17, so they're Mike's prime age.
I dunno.
It's been quite a day.