Ten Days in One, Stuff, Things, Oddments and Barricades.
"And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow..."
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1) THERE you are. You're late, darlin'.
2) I miss you. Sursia ate you up.
3) Hm, funny, I think you still are my 'star' =)
4) Your willpower, your responsibility and your catastrophe curve all terrify me.
5) Stop thinking.
6) I wish I could trust you, but instinct says not. Which seems rather unfair.
7) I wish you'd listen to what you say, then perhaps you wouldn't repeat yourself all the time =P
8) You're on the up, darlin' - I'm really pleased for you. And jealous. But I hope it works.
9) You're a sweetheart - stop destroying yourself.
10) You're losing yourself. You're killing yourself in the worst possible way. Stop it.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1) The only knot I know is a hangman's noose.
2) My smile has turned to wormwood without me noticing.
3) I need a whetstone for my brain.
4) I can't smoke cloves anymore and look bad in short slutty skirts. I feel I've lost any goth credentials I once had.
5) I hate money and the act of selling my stuff. Makes me squirm. Which is a bit of a bugger really.
6) What I want is apparently what I need. Capital. If only I could get it...
7) I can cook a surprising amount of stuff.
8) It would be better if instead of sewing, beading, writing, drawing, printing, smithing, etc I had fewer interests and was better at them.
9) I still think my raven wings are the prettiest bit of me.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1) Stories.
2) Whimsy.
3) Pleasing my neurons despite their childishness, or even better - because of it.
4) Being creative.
5) Being able to talk with me for hours, to be comfortable in my silences (for hours sometimes too).
6) Having an indomitable style and idiom all of your own.
7) An ability to tolerate me and my crazy without too much drama or resentment.
8) Not being unpleasant, petty, bastard, false, skritch-making or annoying as hell.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1) Is this as good as it gets?
2) Where did all my magic and intensity go?
3) Will I ever have a garret of my own or will I be forever rent-scrabbling?
4) One night will the universe cease to intervene - and will that be a good or a bad thing?
5) Is my brain gonna rot and turn me to Shambly?
6) I wish I was better at things. Most things. Everything.
7) WTF?
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1) Stared like I was mentally hexing him instead of speeking to him when I had the damn chance.
2) Slashed my arm open just before my mother knocked on the door with tea and chocolate that time.
3) Slept with idiot boy.
4) Made my sister think I was threatening her when actually I was threatening me.
5) Ignored my tarot cards because I didn't believe them.
6) Made my father cry.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
1) Trinity.
2) My father.
3) My ghost.
4) Very good friends I care for a lot who are there when I need them. (There are at least four or five who have come to my rescue and I don't feel able to name one above another.)
5) Friends who are better friends than I. (Most of them.)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
1) Being unpleasant, gauche, violent, petty, etc.
2) Treating me as an inferior, a possession, or a doll.
3) Doing and saying things that make me want to stab you.
4) Being extremely unattractive. (Alas, 'tis true, my depths have hidden shallows.)
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
1) Style.
2) Charisma.
3) Character.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
1) =.
2) =/
Day Ten: One confession.
1) Somewhere along the way, in the past two years, I think I lost me. I don't know how to get me back - or even if I can. This depresses and scares the crap out of me. Which is funny really, considering I never liked me much to start with. But this me is worse. Fuck.
=====
♕ There were chittens. It was meekle.*
♕ I was given bread and chocolate stars. This was also meekle.
♕ I visited gothicfreakgrrl on sunday, also also meekle.
♕ My neurons are being extremely introspective as they have concluded that I am not the corvid I was, sometimes they're not ever certain I'm a corvid at all and this worries them. They would like a recipe to turn me back into a proper corvid please. And then they would like me to follow it. Quickly.
♕ I made Thai green curry from scratch. It is somewhat hot but very munchy.
♕ I have a necklace commission. *neurons do a little dance* For monies and everything. This makes me feel unaccountably grubby, but happy. Erm. Okay, that sounded wrong.
♕ My neurons are on quite the Les Miserables kick - as you might have guessed. Specifically, I desperately want to rewrite the musical so the plot contains zombies.** Come on - 'You will see the people rise'? and 'phantom faces at the window' 'when the gutters run with blood' - does that not sound Shambly? It's also amusing me how my view of characters has changed. When I first read the book and encountered the musical I thought Marius was cool, Cosette was wet, Valjean was a martyr, Javert was a bastard and Eponine was tragic. Now, I think Marius is a git, Cosette is even more unspeakably wet, Valjean was some sort of saint Hugo liked to torture, Eponine was a fool but still tragic, and Javert... Javert I rather want to pat on the head in a 'there, there - you're really not very bright are you?' manner because he's a good man but believes in Law and the New Order of Enlightenment and nothing else. And, well, that's only gonna end in tears. Silly boy.
♕ Striking yourself in the head with both hands when both hands are decked in heavy duty silver rings is not the best of plans. Ow.
=====
*= Originally the word 'chitten' was coined by Polly in a game we played to describe my character's hell-scarab necromantic-lethal-doom-things of which she sort of became queen. They were chitinous, they followed her about like kittens at feeding time - 'Chittens'. Since then it has come to also mean 'small goblin cat' and to be used as a generic term of endearment.
**= I'm thinking the convicts get turned into zombies maybe. Or that if a person is degraded enough they turn to zombie. Something like that. But, upon occasion, a shambly can be redeemed. And there are zombies at the barricade (do the students become zombies to prove a point?). And Marius gets eaten by them 'cos he's a git. This may screw plot somewhat. And Eponine is a shambly slayer. Um. Yeah.
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow..."
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1) THERE you are. You're late, darlin'.
2) I miss you. Sursia ate you up.
3) Hm, funny, I think you still are my 'star' =)
4) Your willpower, your responsibility and your catastrophe curve all terrify me.
5) Stop thinking.
6) I wish I could trust you, but instinct says not. Which seems rather unfair.
7) I wish you'd listen to what you say, then perhaps you wouldn't repeat yourself all the time =P
8) You're on the up, darlin' - I'm really pleased for you. And jealous. But I hope it works.
9) You're a sweetheart - stop destroying yourself.
10) You're losing yourself. You're killing yourself in the worst possible way. Stop it.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1) The only knot I know is a hangman's noose.
2) My smile has turned to wormwood without me noticing.
3) I need a whetstone for my brain.
4) I can't smoke cloves anymore and look bad in short slutty skirts. I feel I've lost any goth credentials I once had.
5) I hate money and the act of selling my stuff. Makes me squirm. Which is a bit of a bugger really.
6) What I want is apparently what I need. Capital. If only I could get it...
7) I can cook a surprising amount of stuff.
8) It would be better if instead of sewing, beading, writing, drawing, printing, smithing, etc I had fewer interests and was better at them.
9) I still think my raven wings are the prettiest bit of me.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1) Stories.
2) Whimsy.
3) Pleasing my neurons despite their childishness, or even better - because of it.
4) Being creative.
5) Being able to talk with me for hours, to be comfortable in my silences (for hours sometimes too).
6) Having an indomitable style and idiom all of your own.
7) An ability to tolerate me and my crazy without too much drama or resentment.
8) Not being unpleasant, petty, bastard, false, skritch-making or annoying as hell.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1) Is this as good as it gets?
2) Where did all my magic and intensity go?
3) Will I ever have a garret of my own or will I be forever rent-scrabbling?
4) One night will the universe cease to intervene - and will that be a good or a bad thing?
5) Is my brain gonna rot and turn me to Shambly?
6) I wish I was better at things. Most things. Everything.
7) WTF?
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1) Stared like I was mentally hexing him instead of speeking to him when I had the damn chance.
2) Slashed my arm open just before my mother knocked on the door with tea and chocolate that time.
3) Slept with idiot boy.
4) Made my sister think I was threatening her when actually I was threatening me.
5) Ignored my tarot cards because I didn't believe them.
6) Made my father cry.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
1) Trinity.
2) My father.
3) My ghost.
4) Very good friends I care for a lot who are there when I need them. (There are at least four or five who have come to my rescue and I don't feel able to name one above another.)
5) Friends who are better friends than I. (Most of them.)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
1) Being unpleasant, gauche, violent, petty, etc.
2) Treating me as an inferior, a possession, or a doll.
3) Doing and saying things that make me want to stab you.
4) Being extremely unattractive. (Alas, 'tis true, my depths have hidden shallows.)
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
1) Style.
2) Charisma.
3) Character.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
1) =.
2) =/
Day Ten: One confession.
1) Somewhere along the way, in the past two years, I think I lost me. I don't know how to get me back - or even if I can. This depresses and scares the crap out of me. Which is funny really, considering I never liked me much to start with. But this me is worse. Fuck.
=====
♕ There were chittens. It was meekle.*
♕ I was given bread and chocolate stars. This was also meekle.
♕ I visited gothicfreakgrrl on sunday, also also meekle.
♕ My neurons are being extremely introspective as they have concluded that I am not the corvid I was, sometimes they're not ever certain I'm a corvid at all and this worries them. They would like a recipe to turn me back into a proper corvid please. And then they would like me to follow it. Quickly.
♕ I made Thai green curry from scratch. It is somewhat hot but very munchy.
♕ I have a necklace commission. *neurons do a little dance* For monies and everything. This makes me feel unaccountably grubby, but happy. Erm. Okay, that sounded wrong.
♕ My neurons are on quite the Les Miserables kick - as you might have guessed. Specifically, I desperately want to rewrite the musical so the plot contains zombies.** Come on - 'You will see the people rise'? and 'phantom faces at the window' 'when the gutters run with blood' - does that not sound Shambly? It's also amusing me how my view of characters has changed. When I first read the book and encountered the musical I thought Marius was cool, Cosette was wet, Valjean was a martyr, Javert was a bastard and Eponine was tragic. Now, I think Marius is a git, Cosette is even more unspeakably wet, Valjean was some sort of saint Hugo liked to torture, Eponine was a fool but still tragic, and Javert... Javert I rather want to pat on the head in a 'there, there - you're really not very bright are you?' manner because he's a good man but believes in Law and the New Order of Enlightenment and nothing else. And, well, that's only gonna end in tears. Silly boy.
♕ Striking yourself in the head with both hands when both hands are decked in heavy duty silver rings is not the best of plans. Ow.
=====
*= Originally the word 'chitten' was coined by Polly in a game we played to describe my character's hell-scarab necromantic-lethal-doom-things of which she sort of became queen. They were chitinous, they followed her about like kittens at feeding time - 'Chittens'. Since then it has come to also mean 'small goblin cat' and to be used as a generic term of endearment.
**= I'm thinking the convicts get turned into zombies maybe. Or that if a person is degraded enough they turn to zombie. Something like that. But, upon occasion, a shambly can be redeemed. And there are zombies at the barricade (do the students become zombies to prove a point?). And Marius gets eaten by them 'cos he's a git. This may screw plot somewhat. And Eponine is a shambly slayer. Um. Yeah.