i'm about to break your fall

[lastguardian]

I looked out the window as Sunnydale went away, as my life in Sunnydale turned into distant past, and I wished it had turned out a little bit differently. I mean, I knew that Xander was going to be upset with me and I knew that Willow would probably be quietly supportive, but I definitely didn't expect Giles to be... let's just say that I'd counted

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[not_a_eunuch]

At least they were making progress, but things were far from ok. I'd been fooling myself to think that my optimism would be contagious. Hell, who was I to interfere here? I'd walked out on Buffy and left her because I thought I was protecting her

[prodigal_slayer]

It seemed like we were at a draw here or something. B lookin' everywhere but at me directly, Angel tryin' desperately to make it okay. But there was one thing struck me as different.

"I'm sorry."

There it was, just that easy. After all that time of just wantin'....maybe I did want something like that. An apology from Buffy, some little sign that yeah she could fuck up sometimes. She didnt' always know the answers, she was still human even if she was slayer number one.

Besides I didn't think anyone really gave a shit about me anyway. Then there they were right in a row. Like dominoes. Two I'm sorrys, one out of eachother of them.

I thought I couldn't, I thought I wasn't. Except I was. Was so very sorry, but by the time I'd thought to be sorry it was too late. So I just kept graspin' at straws, tryin' desperately to keep my feet from slippin' out from under me. Then it was too late. Nothin' I could do to make it right. How could I ever make it right?

[lastguardian]

Angel's apologizing, Faith's apologizing, and I'm mostly just sorry that I left Sunnydale to be part of all this awkwardness. If they think that I'm going to apologize, that I'm going to join them in their little quest for redemption, they're wrong. What do I have to be redeemed for?

Well, there is that little matter of stabbing Faith in the gut, but she had it coming and she knew it."Yeah

[not_a_eunuch]

Faith apologized and I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of her. I wasn't fooling myself into thinking this made everything better, but she couldn't apologize for anything before. This was a big step for her. She was making progress.

Buffy kept saying yeah, and I was pretty sure she was lost in her own thoughts. Probably processing everything that had gone down and figuring out how she would deal with it. No one was making a move toward the door, so that was progress too.

It was a sad day when I turned out to be the optimist in the group. I was a well practiced cynic. Looking from Buffy to Faith, I wasn't sure what to say. Wasn't sure there was anything that could be said. At least anything from me.

"So..."

I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. No one was talking. We were just looking at each other, squeezing in the occasional look of remorse versus the occasional glare.

"Anyone want something to drink? I have a bottle of whiskey."

When in doubt, bring out the liquor.

[prodigal_slayer]

B was just standin' there saying 'Yeah' alot and really? After that apology? I got nothin'. Couldn't even believe the words escaped my lips. Least she hadn't threatened to beat me to death this time. That was a step in the right direction, right? Man, I was havin' to use every little bit of self-control that I had in my entire body not to bolt for the door. That was my schtick. When shit got rough I headed for the hills. Hard not to fall back into old habits. Even if Angel really didn't want me to. Then again, he was the one who'd created this really really awkward situation. And why? Did he suddenly have a jones to see some slayer on slayer action or something? Either that or he had a serious death wish. Stake wish. Whatever

[lastguardian]

Booze. Yeah, and that was how those of the white trash variety solved their problems, but I was better than that. Excepting that little beer incident that brought out the cave girl in me, of course, and beer? Far less disgusting than whiskey. At least from what I'd heard, I mean Spike drank whiskey.

Still, Faith was over there shying away from it. Pulling the "good girl" routine like she was still wearing my skin, pretending that she wasn't evil.

Okay, maybe not evil. Maybe just... whatever. Maybe there wasn't a word for it.

"Maybe a drink isn't such a bad idea," I said suddenly, ignoring Faith and looking over at Angel. It was doubtful that Angel's liquor cabinet was enchanted... well, pretty much doubtful... and honestly? If things didn't loosen up, one of us was going to kill somebody. Probably Angel.

And, frustrated as I was... I kind of liked having alive Angel. I kind of liked it a lot.

[not_a_eunuch]

I walked across the apartment and plucked out my 'for special occasions' emergency bottle of whiskey. The tension in this apartment was more than enough of an emergency to crack it open. I wasn't sure if I had cups, but if not, we could drink from the bottle. Both of them needed to relax and maybe this would do the trick

[prodigal_slayer]

I exchanged a look with B before my eyes followed Angel as he walked to the cabinets by the sink. He broke out a bottle of whiskey and my eyes widened. He was really serious, and B was really lettin' him do this. Was she tryin' to prove some retarded point or something? This was the part where she got all Mother Theresa on our asses and told us that drinking was wrong and that you should always wait twenty minutes after eating to go swimming or something

[lastguardian]

Yuck. A lot of yuck. Seriously, not enough yuck in the world, but I wasn't going to let Faith show me up in our little Slayer Drinkoff. Grin, bear it, and God this stuff is disgusting. This idea? Worst idea ever.

"Angel, you didn't lose your soul again, did you? Because it would explain a lot."

I put the glass down on the table and looked at it apprehensively. Things that sucked about being the Slayer? Alcohol tolerance. It was going to take a lot more of those ick-shots to get me to a place where I even remotely didn't hate Faith.

I glanced from the glass, to Faith, to the bottle of whiskey in Angel's hand. Three incredibly bad ideas.

[not_a_eunuch]

"No. If I lost my soul I would be trying to drink from both of you instead of this bottle."

It was a bad joke and neither of them laughed. I poured three more large glasses. Between their tolerance and mine, this bottle wouldn't stand a chance. "I've had it for awhile. Special occassion reserve."

I held up my glass in a toast, "To new beginnings and my ability to screw things up when I was just trying to help. Some things never change." I slammed the drink and immediately wanted another.

I hoped I had more liquor stashed in the apartment. It would be hell to stumble out to a store once we finished this bottle. My goal was to drink until I passed out. If that didn't work, I'd just keep talking and one of them was bound to get pissed off enough to knock me out.

If I was a betting man, and I was, my money would be on Buffy being the one to do it. I hoped she'd make it hurt.

[prodigal_slayer]

I arched an eyebrow when Angel made with the lame joke making. Like my slayer senses weren't already on fire just bein' in the same building as him. How did B deal with it all the time? Guessed she just did and now I was gonna have to do that too. I wanted it, wanted to be better, wanted to try and make up for it even if I couldn't. For him, for her, but mostly for me. Cause he was right, it'd be the shortest run I'd ever take. A few days ago that didn't seem like such a bad thing, but now someone cared about me. Maybe that was all I needed

[not_a_eunuch]

Faith's question made me smirk. It was probably the wrong reaction, but I was feeling very relaxed. Liquor was nice. Very nice. Where would we all sleep?

I looked over at the bed and back at the girls who were waiting for me to decide. Like I really had a vote where they would sleep? Weren't they both upset with me for making decisions without consulting them? Now they wanted me to make this decision.

"Bed is big enough for all three of us, but I could take the floor if it makes either of you more comfortable."

I knew it was probably the wrong answer, but what else could I suggest? We could sleep in shifts if that made them feel more comfortable. It was a big bed and it was just sleep. Why did this have to be an issue anyway? I wanted another drink.

[lastguardian]

I looked at Angel and then I looked at Faith. Then I looked at Angel again because he was being stupid. Both of his little scenarios had me and Faith laying down in the same vicinity and I didn't want to point out the obvious, but --

"She stole my body!" I exclaimed. Maybe we'd gotten off to a kind of tentative truce, but that kind of thing didn't mean anything to Faith. "And I don't know, maybe I'm making too big of a deal about this, but she stole my body!"

I slammed my glass down on his table so hard that it cracked, and I stormed over to the chair beside the bed and pointed to it. "You want to sleep? Fine. But I'm gonna watch and make sure she doesn't steal my body again."

Maybe I was being a little irrational. Faith certainly seemed sorry, but who could blame me for being a little gunshy?

[neverbeenfree]

Me, B and Soul Boy all in the same bed at the same time? Well, shit. If I'd known all I had to do was confess to the fuzz that I'd been a naughty little girl to get that to happen I woulda been all over that a long time ago. I mean, shit, wasn't that what I'd been tryin' to do all along? Not that the two of 'em had eyes for anyone except eachother