[one-shot] Anything For You
Title: Anything For You
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13...because there is angst...
Summary: Kazuya will do anything for Jin - anything. But at what price? Sometimes, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Date written: January 16, 2008
--
This is the fic (well, this and the sad sequel) that started Second Chance.
Why is it posted here in this lj where i dump all the fics i don't like? Well, there comes a point...where I realize I absolutely hate needy!kame and this is needy!kame at its worst, so yeah. I don't particularly like this fic anymore. Or actually, most of the fics posted on this lj.
--
He could see his reflection in the clear water, watching his own eyes as they stared back at him, almost accusingly. The world around him was silent and save for his own breathing, he could hear nothing around him, as though he was alone in the world, the only person…
The reflection was shattered suddenly by a drop of water crashing down at it.
His reflection, destroyed by the tear that escaped his very own eyes. He wiped away the tears that threatened to follow as he looked at the water, watching as the ripples faded away into nothing.
Another drop hit the water…
…and stained it…
A drop of red that seemed to stain the world…
--
I’ll believe all your lies…
--
Kazuya was shivering as he walked up the stairs to the apartment, hair drenched and dripping wet as he avoided going to the main area with the elevators, so that nobody would see him as he made his way in his drenched state up to the tenth floor. He shivered more violently as the cold air condition caused his body to grow colder and colder.
He sneezed, sniffling and hugging himself as he walked down the hall to the apartment, fingers shaking as he fished out the key and shakily unlocked the door.
His hands were trembling with cold as he turned the door knob.
The apartment was silent when he walked in and Kazuya shook, making his way as quickly as he could to the bathroom where he would be able to take a hot shower. Looking around the dark apartment, he realized that the other was not even here.
With a sigh, Kazuya walked into the bathroom and upon turning on the shower and feeling the hot water hit his skin, he sighed again in relief and comfort.
Feeling entered his fingers once more.
Kazuya stayed under the water for as long as possible and then he got out and got dressed in the warmest thing he could find and then found a blanket and curled up under it, taking much comfort in the warmth - any warmth.
But it was still cold.
It was an hour later and Kazuya was still shivering despite the hot shower he had taken when the door to the apartment opened once more and Kazuya sluggishly looked up.
“Jin,” he said, sounding both happy and a bit angry at the same time.
“Kazu?” Jin paused as he took off his tie for work, “What’s wrong, you’re shaking - and…” he moved closer and put a hand on Kazuya’s forehead, “You’re burning up! What the hell - you were fine this morning!”
“Y-you didn’t come…” Kazuya said quietly, looking up at Jin with hurt, angry eyes, “You said you’d come meet me and I waited…but you never came…”
Jin looked at him dumbfounded for a moment, and then realization and horror crossed his face, “Oh - fuck” he swore aloud ignoring Kazuya’s flinch, “Oh, shit - I’m sorry, Kazu - I got distracted with work and - shit, I’m sorry, really really really sorry!” Jin said, wrapping his warm arms around his shaking and sick boyfriend, “…I’m sorry” he repeated finally, “Please forgive me?”
Kazuya curled up in those arms, those arms that always promised, always promised warmth in the end.
Different from the promises that Jin never kept.
“Sure…he said finally, closing his eyes.
He’s sorry so he’ll keep his promise next time, I’m sure, Kazuya thought with a smile.
--
Just pretend you love me.
--
Kazuya stirred his drink with a little smile as he sat across from his friend.
Tatsuya looked at him shrewdly, “He forgot again didn’t he?”
“He was busy.” Kazuya answered with a smile.
“What about last week?” Tatsuya said, his tone growing more and more accusing.
“That…was different,” Kazuya said after a pause.
Tatsuya sighed, knowing how much Kazuya loved Jin; he would refuse to believe any differently and he knew that Jin loved Kazuya the same way…but Jin was ignorant of what his actions did to Kazuya, how much of a toll they were on Kazuya.
“Kazuya,” Tatsuya said sharply.
“I told you, it was fine!” Kazuya said with a little forced laugh, “I wasn’t that hungry anyways.”
“Let’s see,” Tatsuya said curtly, “You cook dinner for both of you, hoping you and he could have some time together. He doesn’t call, comes home at one in the morning but you still wait and fall asleep. He comes home, sees the food, thinks it’s all for him and eats it all and you end up not eating anything that entire day. How is that excusable?!”
“…I should have told him?” Kazuya said with a shrug, “Besides, it’s not as though he doesn’t care - he just doesn’t know…”
“Kazuya,” Tatsuya closed his eyes, “You need to speak up more - the rest of us have tried to get Jin to realize he needs to pay more attention to you, but honestly, he’ll actually believe it if it comes from you.”
“But…I don’t want him to feel bad…” Kazuya said with a resolute pout, “It’ll be okay Tat-chan; Jin’s just busy these days. He wants that promotion at work and once he gets it, he’ll be back to how he used to be."
Tatsuya only sighed.
Jin does love me, no matter what anyone else says…Kazuya thought, not caring that he had once again gotten sick because he had waited for Jin like a fool in the cold.
Jin was more important, anyways.
--
Make believe…
--
Kazuya bit his lip as he tried not to cry.
“Baka Jin…” he muttered under his breath as he breathed on his hands, relishing the brief warmth bestowed upon them for a few brief seconds.
A pair of gloves were around his hands but they did nothing to stave the cold as he stood there below the bus stop, and below the sky that was raining down droplets of icy snow.
Kazuya shivered, wishing he had thought to bring a warmer jacket out, or maybe a hat so his ears would not be so cold. He wrapped his arms around himself as he sat on his heels and just stayed there below the bus stop, shaking his head just as he had done for nearly four hours now every time a bus stopped there and the bus driver gave him a questioning look.
His face felt numb.
He broke his promise again…Kazuya thought with a heavy, sad feeling in his chest as he looked at the watch on his wrist.
No, Jin would be here.
He would.
He promised.
Kazuya let out a choked cry as another gust of cold, sharp wind blew at him, biting and gnawing at his cheeks painfully.
Where are you Jin? Get here soon…
A tear trailed down his cheek…
And the track it left felt colder and icier than Kazuya’s own body…
“Get here soon…baka…” Kazuya whispered weakly, feeling his head spin.
He felt weak…like collapsing…
A sudden sharp laughter, familiar and welcome, broke through Kazuya’s thoughts.
Jin?
Kazuya looked up but did not see the older man. He looked around and suddenly, his heart felt frozen. He spotted Jin walking with a couple of people he did not recognize, looking as though they were headed to a bar or something of the sort, from the way they were laughing and hitting each other on the back.
Jin…Kazuya wanted to move, to cry and most of all, to run over to Jin, but his legs would not move.
Shaking fingers dug out his cell phone to try to call Jin.
Kazuya paused, seeing a text message from half an hour ago.
Kazu, sorry - I’m gonna take longer at work. Maybe next time. See you at home; love you.
Kazuya bit his lip and this time, not even the cold or his own pride could keep the tears from flowing freshly from his eyes and he buried his head in his arms as he sobbed.
Why am I always last in your mind?
--
Close your eyes…
--
Jin cursed as he ran as shoved a fistful of bills at the taxi driver and ran as fast as he could into the hospital, feet skidding and he nearly tripped.
“I - Kamenashi Kazuya - someone called me…” he said hurriedly, his voice edged with hysteria and concern.
The nurse at the reception desk looked at him and nodded, “ICU.”
“ICU?” Jin’s eyes widened as he ignored anything else the nurse had to say and rushed as fast as he could to find the floor where ICU was. He ran up the stairs to the second floor and skidded to a stop when he saw a bunch of familiar people outside a room, looking worried and anxious.
Jin noticed with panic that some were openly crying.
“What happened? Geez, what the hell happened?!” he asked in panic, looking at Yamapi who was looking the calmest out of all of them.
“Kazuya was…he’s been…” Yamapi took a deep breath.
“…you remember that guy who you beat out for a job…and he threatened you…?” Ryo asked but did not wait for Jin to answer, “He took revenge - on Kamenashi.”
Jin was silent, “…what did he do to Kazu?”
“The police got the story out of him,” Tatsuya said dully, looking up at Jin with what Jin thought were accusing eyes, “He did it out of revenge on you - all he had to do was mention you and Kazuya stopped fighting back. He let what happen, happen to him because he thought…he thought he was helping you by not fighting back!”
Now, the eyes were definitely accusing as Tatsuya stared at him with watering eyes.
“I - I -” Jin stumbled back, at a loss for words.
“How many times, Jin? How many times have we told you to stop neglecting Kazuya - to pay attention, to let him know you love him? If you had, Kazuya might not have gone with that BASTARD!”
Yuichi had to restrain the hysterical Tatsuya.
Yamapi was silent but after a long time, he spoke quietly, “He said…that Kazuya said…’it’s not as though Jin would miss me anyways, so do what you want, just leave Jin alone…’ “
Jin looked at him in horror, “No, no - Kazu knows I love him…Kazu…” he ran into the room that they had been standing in front of without another word.
The room where he knew Kazuya had to be.
His knees gave out from under him when he saw the familiar body in the hospital bed, looking calm and peaceful, an IV drip stuck in him. His face and what he could see of his wrists, were bruised and bleeding. Jin could not take his eyes off that deathly pale face.
Kazuya…
So familiar…but there was something…
“…not as though Jin would miss me anyways,…”
His heart felt like someone had taken it and had cruelly torn it like an unwanted love letter into millions of little pieces.
When was the last time I told him…?
When was the last time I spent time with him?
When…was the last time I smiled at him…?
…the last time he smiled at me…?
The weight of Tatsuya’s hysterical words, Yamapi’s words about what had happened and his own shattering realizations hit him all at once.
“Oh, god -”
He moved, grasping his hand in his hands, holding tight and refusing to let go.
I’ll never let go…
I’m sorry…
“I’m sorry…”
“I love you”
--
I’ll be…
--
Kazuya drew himself up, coughing into his hand and sticky pools of blood dripped from his hand. The water that he had been staring into rippled and was slowly being dyed red.
He fell on the stone structure of the foundation.
Putting a hand on the white stone, he drew himself up, leaving behind a handprint of blood.
The man in front of him was still grinning, grinning like a maniac.
“You…you won’t lay a hand on Jin?” he asked again, just to be sure.
“Why, Kamenashi - why would I…when I’m hurting the most important thing to Akanishi?”
Kazuya smiled wryly and shook his head.
I’m not important to Jin.
He hasn’t even looked at me in the past two weeks.
He wouldn’t care if I died now.
“It’s not as though Jin would miss me anyways…so do what you want, but leave Jin alone…” he said with a soft smile, looking at the man’s enraged eyes.
If he did care…
He would have kept his promises…
If he did care…
He wouldn’t leave him in the cold all the time...
If he did care…
He wouldn’t always be last, always the last, thing on his mind…
If he did care…
He would smile at him at least once…
If he did care...
He braced himself for the pain.
And it came…
Exploding into him, slashing and biting at him as though he was caught in the jaws of pain and was trapped there, for eternity.
A tear leaked from his eyes.
I love you…
Blood trickled from his lips…
Even if you don’t love me…
He felt darkness close in around him…
I love you…
--
…anything for you…
--- END ----
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13...because there is angst...
Summary: Kazuya will do anything for Jin - anything. But at what price? Sometimes, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Date written: January 16, 2008
--
This is the fic (well, this and the sad sequel) that started Second Chance.
Why is it posted here in this lj where i dump all the fics i don't like? Well, there comes a point...where I realize I absolutely hate needy!kame and this is needy!kame at its worst, so yeah. I don't particularly like this fic anymore. Or actually, most of the fics posted on this lj.
--
He could see his reflection in the clear water, watching his own eyes as they stared back at him, almost accusingly. The world around him was silent and save for his own breathing, he could hear nothing around him, as though he was alone in the world, the only person…
The reflection was shattered suddenly by a drop of water crashing down at it.
His reflection, destroyed by the tear that escaped his very own eyes. He wiped away the tears that threatened to follow as he looked at the water, watching as the ripples faded away into nothing.
Another drop hit the water…
…and stained it…
A drop of red that seemed to stain the world…
--
I’ll believe all your lies…
--
Kazuya was shivering as he walked up the stairs to the apartment, hair drenched and dripping wet as he avoided going to the main area with the elevators, so that nobody would see him as he made his way in his drenched state up to the tenth floor. He shivered more violently as the cold air condition caused his body to grow colder and colder.
He sneezed, sniffling and hugging himself as he walked down the hall to the apartment, fingers shaking as he fished out the key and shakily unlocked the door.
His hands were trembling with cold as he turned the door knob.
The apartment was silent when he walked in and Kazuya shook, making his way as quickly as he could to the bathroom where he would be able to take a hot shower. Looking around the dark apartment, he realized that the other was not even here.
With a sigh, Kazuya walked into the bathroom and upon turning on the shower and feeling the hot water hit his skin, he sighed again in relief and comfort.
Feeling entered his fingers once more.
Kazuya stayed under the water for as long as possible and then he got out and got dressed in the warmest thing he could find and then found a blanket and curled up under it, taking much comfort in the warmth - any warmth.
But it was still cold.
It was an hour later and Kazuya was still shivering despite the hot shower he had taken when the door to the apartment opened once more and Kazuya sluggishly looked up.
“Jin,” he said, sounding both happy and a bit angry at the same time.
“Kazu?” Jin paused as he took off his tie for work, “What’s wrong, you’re shaking - and…” he moved closer and put a hand on Kazuya’s forehead, “You’re burning up! What the hell - you were fine this morning!”
“Y-you didn’t come…” Kazuya said quietly, looking up at Jin with hurt, angry eyes, “You said you’d come meet me and I waited…but you never came…”
Jin looked at him dumbfounded for a moment, and then realization and horror crossed his face, “Oh - fuck” he swore aloud ignoring Kazuya’s flinch, “Oh, shit - I’m sorry, Kazu - I got distracted with work and - shit, I’m sorry, really really really sorry!” Jin said, wrapping his warm arms around his shaking and sick boyfriend, “…I’m sorry” he repeated finally, “Please forgive me?”
Kazuya curled up in those arms, those arms that always promised, always promised warmth in the end.
Different from the promises that Jin never kept.
“Sure…he said finally, closing his eyes.
He’s sorry so he’ll keep his promise next time, I’m sure, Kazuya thought with a smile.
--
Just pretend you love me.
--
Kazuya stirred his drink with a little smile as he sat across from his friend.
Tatsuya looked at him shrewdly, “He forgot again didn’t he?”
“He was busy.” Kazuya answered with a smile.
“What about last week?” Tatsuya said, his tone growing more and more accusing.
“That…was different,” Kazuya said after a pause.
Tatsuya sighed, knowing how much Kazuya loved Jin; he would refuse to believe any differently and he knew that Jin loved Kazuya the same way…but Jin was ignorant of what his actions did to Kazuya, how much of a toll they were on Kazuya.
“Kazuya,” Tatsuya said sharply.
“I told you, it was fine!” Kazuya said with a little forced laugh, “I wasn’t that hungry anyways.”
“Let’s see,” Tatsuya said curtly, “You cook dinner for both of you, hoping you and he could have some time together. He doesn’t call, comes home at one in the morning but you still wait and fall asleep. He comes home, sees the food, thinks it’s all for him and eats it all and you end up not eating anything that entire day. How is that excusable?!”
“…I should have told him?” Kazuya said with a shrug, “Besides, it’s not as though he doesn’t care - he just doesn’t know…”
“Kazuya,” Tatsuya closed his eyes, “You need to speak up more - the rest of us have tried to get Jin to realize he needs to pay more attention to you, but honestly, he’ll actually believe it if it comes from you.”
“But…I don’t want him to feel bad…” Kazuya said with a resolute pout, “It’ll be okay Tat-chan; Jin’s just busy these days. He wants that promotion at work and once he gets it, he’ll be back to how he used to be."
Tatsuya only sighed.
Jin does love me, no matter what anyone else says…Kazuya thought, not caring that he had once again gotten sick because he had waited for Jin like a fool in the cold.
Jin was more important, anyways.
--
Make believe…
--
Kazuya bit his lip as he tried not to cry.
“Baka Jin…” he muttered under his breath as he breathed on his hands, relishing the brief warmth bestowed upon them for a few brief seconds.
A pair of gloves were around his hands but they did nothing to stave the cold as he stood there below the bus stop, and below the sky that was raining down droplets of icy snow.
Kazuya shivered, wishing he had thought to bring a warmer jacket out, or maybe a hat so his ears would not be so cold. He wrapped his arms around himself as he sat on his heels and just stayed there below the bus stop, shaking his head just as he had done for nearly four hours now every time a bus stopped there and the bus driver gave him a questioning look.
His face felt numb.
He broke his promise again…Kazuya thought with a heavy, sad feeling in his chest as he looked at the watch on his wrist.
No, Jin would be here.
He would.
He promised.
Kazuya let out a choked cry as another gust of cold, sharp wind blew at him, biting and gnawing at his cheeks painfully.
Where are you Jin? Get here soon…
A tear trailed down his cheek…
And the track it left felt colder and icier than Kazuya’s own body…
“Get here soon…baka…” Kazuya whispered weakly, feeling his head spin.
He felt weak…like collapsing…
A sudden sharp laughter, familiar and welcome, broke through Kazuya’s thoughts.
Jin?
Kazuya looked up but did not see the older man. He looked around and suddenly, his heart felt frozen. He spotted Jin walking with a couple of people he did not recognize, looking as though they were headed to a bar or something of the sort, from the way they were laughing and hitting each other on the back.
Jin…Kazuya wanted to move, to cry and most of all, to run over to Jin, but his legs would not move.
Shaking fingers dug out his cell phone to try to call Jin.
Kazuya paused, seeing a text message from half an hour ago.
Kazu, sorry - I’m gonna take longer at work. Maybe next time. See you at home; love you.
Kazuya bit his lip and this time, not even the cold or his own pride could keep the tears from flowing freshly from his eyes and he buried his head in his arms as he sobbed.
Why am I always last in your mind?
--
Close your eyes…
--
Jin cursed as he ran as shoved a fistful of bills at the taxi driver and ran as fast as he could into the hospital, feet skidding and he nearly tripped.
“I - Kamenashi Kazuya - someone called me…” he said hurriedly, his voice edged with hysteria and concern.
The nurse at the reception desk looked at him and nodded, “ICU.”
“ICU?” Jin’s eyes widened as he ignored anything else the nurse had to say and rushed as fast as he could to find the floor where ICU was. He ran up the stairs to the second floor and skidded to a stop when he saw a bunch of familiar people outside a room, looking worried and anxious.
Jin noticed with panic that some were openly crying.
“What happened? Geez, what the hell happened?!” he asked in panic, looking at Yamapi who was looking the calmest out of all of them.
“Kazuya was…he’s been…” Yamapi took a deep breath.
“…you remember that guy who you beat out for a job…and he threatened you…?” Ryo asked but did not wait for Jin to answer, “He took revenge - on Kamenashi.”
Jin was silent, “…what did he do to Kazu?”
“The police got the story out of him,” Tatsuya said dully, looking up at Jin with what Jin thought were accusing eyes, “He did it out of revenge on you - all he had to do was mention you and Kazuya stopped fighting back. He let what happen, happen to him because he thought…he thought he was helping you by not fighting back!”
Now, the eyes were definitely accusing as Tatsuya stared at him with watering eyes.
“I - I -” Jin stumbled back, at a loss for words.
“How many times, Jin? How many times have we told you to stop neglecting Kazuya - to pay attention, to let him know you love him? If you had, Kazuya might not have gone with that BASTARD!”
Yuichi had to restrain the hysterical Tatsuya.
Yamapi was silent but after a long time, he spoke quietly, “He said…that Kazuya said…’it’s not as though Jin would miss me anyways, so do what you want, just leave Jin alone…’ “
Jin looked at him in horror, “No, no - Kazu knows I love him…Kazu…” he ran into the room that they had been standing in front of without another word.
The room where he knew Kazuya had to be.
His knees gave out from under him when he saw the familiar body in the hospital bed, looking calm and peaceful, an IV drip stuck in him. His face and what he could see of his wrists, were bruised and bleeding. Jin could not take his eyes off that deathly pale face.
Kazuya…
So familiar…but there was something…
“…not as though Jin would miss me anyways,…”
His heart felt like someone had taken it and had cruelly torn it like an unwanted love letter into millions of little pieces.
When was the last time I told him…?
When was the last time I spent time with him?
When…was the last time I smiled at him…?
…the last time he smiled at me…?
The weight of Tatsuya’s hysterical words, Yamapi’s words about what had happened and his own shattering realizations hit him all at once.
“Oh, god -”
He moved, grasping his hand in his hands, holding tight and refusing to let go.
I’ll never let go…
I’m sorry…
“I’m sorry…”
“I love you”
--
I’ll be…
--
Kazuya drew himself up, coughing into his hand and sticky pools of blood dripped from his hand. The water that he had been staring into rippled and was slowly being dyed red.
He fell on the stone structure of the foundation.
Putting a hand on the white stone, he drew himself up, leaving behind a handprint of blood.
The man in front of him was still grinning, grinning like a maniac.
“You…you won’t lay a hand on Jin?” he asked again, just to be sure.
“Why, Kamenashi - why would I…when I’m hurting the most important thing to Akanishi?”
Kazuya smiled wryly and shook his head.
I’m not important to Jin.
He hasn’t even looked at me in the past two weeks.
He wouldn’t care if I died now.
“It’s not as though Jin would miss me anyways…so do what you want, but leave Jin alone…” he said with a soft smile, looking at the man’s enraged eyes.
If he did care…
He would have kept his promises…
If he did care…
He wouldn’t leave him in the cold all the time...
If he did care…
He wouldn’t always be last, always the last, thing on his mind…
If he did care…
He would smile at him at least once…
If he did care...
He braced himself for the pain.
And it came…
Exploding into him, slashing and biting at him as though he was caught in the jaws of pain and was trapped there, for eternity.
A tear leaked from his eyes.
I love you…
Blood trickled from his lips…
Even if you don’t love me…
He felt darkness close in around him…
I love you…
--
…anything for you…
--- END ----