why the hell am i such a fucking idiot with remorse
what the fuck. im such a god damn idiot. i feel like crying. augh. wtf. i feel like i should of never have done it. [not it as in 'it' you pervert but as in IT in general. something i did a while ago.] but im on crack right now. the answer is just straight up hard CRACK. [not really im really not, never have but just figuritivley speaking i was on crack at the time of the incedent] i think that im just feeling htis way because currently i dont have it. i lost it like a while ago and i kinda like need it right now. im such a fucking bitter and cynical idiot. ha. and then if i find it again more so get it back i cant have the other one but i want the newer one more than the older one. i think. im pretty sure i want the newer one. or maybe i dont and im just saying i do. but it would be really nice. it makes me smile now that im thinkning about it. and i dont think the older one bothers me when people bring it up. i mean if people bring up im just like yeahh, and then insome instance im just like oh my god what a fucking idiot this person is, they are just doing it purposely so they can just bring it up. [my 'fear' was brought up today with the movies thing and i was like what a fucking idiot, and might i add in that i dont 'fear' it as much as i did before. i think it was just a phase] im like totaly sure it doesnt i think i just miss it because i liked saying i had it. it's really confusing. i really shouldnt be writing about here. i should be writing it somewhere else. not that i have somewhere else to write it in. my leg just fell asleep. it is the mist random thing in the world. im just sitting here. i dont think that is so great. BUT oh mygosh the newer thing is awesome. and yeah a little more me. the older one was me for a while like a little while [ i feel bad. like someone once said. i shouldnt dwell on things. or something like that. but i have a guilt in me. and i cant help that im a fucking idiot.] whatever.
i think im going to wyoming at the end of this month. my dad wants to go hunting with my bro.s. buti cant i dont have a license and i wouldnt be able to kill anything. i just cant. not even squierlls [my spelling sucks] but if i go i wont be going to cottilion. and i would totaly go if someone would ask me with enough time to be like uhm daddy cant go to wyoming. and i totaly would go if someone in particular were to ask me..
but yeah this new and old it thing i need to get over it. i cant change it just got get out with the old and in with the NEW... if thats the saying i dont know right now. it kinda makes me want to cry but hey i cant do anything. and i HATE when people talk about it. it makes me feel SO uncomfortable.
NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW.
i'm a fucking idiot that cant spell or make up my mind.
OH MY GOSH ! :D
whatever i'll get over it. fuck remorse.
p.s. please excuse my language i dont like talking like this but hey what can i do when i get in these kinds of moods.
i cant wait for school. why doesnt LJ have smiley faces.
okay im going to go write the real version of this in my diary underneath the mattress of my bed. ;)
i think im going to wyoming at the end of this month. my dad wants to go hunting with my bro.s. buti cant i dont have a license and i wouldnt be able to kill anything. i just cant. not even squierlls [my spelling sucks] but if i go i wont be going to cottilion. and i would totaly go if someone would ask me with enough time to be like uhm daddy cant go to wyoming. and i totaly would go if someone in particular were to ask me..
but yeah this new and old it thing i need to get over it. i cant change it just got get out with the old and in with the NEW... if thats the saying i dont know right now. it kinda makes me want to cry but hey i cant do anything. and i HATE when people talk about it. it makes me feel SO uncomfortable.
NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW.
i'm a fucking idiot that cant spell or make up my mind.
OH MY GOSH ! :D
whatever i'll get over it. fuck remorse.
p.s. please excuse my language i dont like talking like this but hey what can i do when i get in these kinds of moods.
i cant wait for school. why doesnt LJ have smiley faces.
okay im going to go write the real version of this in my diary underneath the mattress of my bed. ;)