Post 43: Just Thought I'd Say Something
It's been a while since my last post. Well into the school year and I'm busy as usual again. I'm on Judicial Board now along with Special Events Chair and Sports and Election committees. It's weird, I feel like I belong more in USGA now than in my own club. I feel like such a misfit now, being that I'm not only the old guy but the oldest member of the band -- all my friends have gone now, and I'm left to play the elder statesman. At times it's ok but it mostly just sucks. I just try to stay outta the way of things and let the kids handle things but if I have to speak, I will without hesitation. I just have to watch my temper and what I say or how I say things cuz I know me... I know I'll snap and say something stupid at a moment's notice.
I'm trying to mellow out, lighten up and not take myself so seriously. I think it's worked to some extent but I'm not gonna completely lose my guard. Some people see me with my guard down (306 chicks) but most of them see me with my guard up, ready to work and not saying much, choosing to let my actions speak for me. In my room, amongst my roomates, I don't say much and I try to stay out of the way of things really, just let them be them. It's not that I have a problem with any of them -- not at all -- but I don't have the urge to really bond with them, to be honest. I like where I'm living and how I'm at but I don't need to feel a closeness with these guys.
For once now, though, I'm actually happy. I'm usually content to just being at peace with where I'm at and I still am -- that hasn't changed -- but now, having met someone, I feel happy. It's so nice to be able to have someone care about you so much and to care about her just as much. I hope it lasts for a long time but I have to take things one day at a time. It's so new to me, I want to just jump right in and everything's already planned out... but in reality, nothing is ever planned out the way you want it to. It takes time and it takes one day at a time to really appreciate what is in front of me. I hope that I don't scare her away by jumping the gun and I'm trying not to. I like where I'm at right now and I don't wanna change it for anything.
I'm trying to mellow out, lighten up and not take myself so seriously. I think it's worked to some extent but I'm not gonna completely lose my guard. Some people see me with my guard down (306 chicks) but most of them see me with my guard up, ready to work and not saying much, choosing to let my actions speak for me. In my room, amongst my roomates, I don't say much and I try to stay out of the way of things really, just let them be them. It's not that I have a problem with any of them -- not at all -- but I don't have the urge to really bond with them, to be honest. I like where I'm living and how I'm at but I don't need to feel a closeness with these guys.
For once now, though, I'm actually happy. I'm usually content to just being at peace with where I'm at and I still am -- that hasn't changed -- but now, having met someone, I feel happy. It's so nice to be able to have someone care about you so much and to care about her just as much. I hope it lasts for a long time but I have to take things one day at a time. It's so new to me, I want to just jump right in and everything's already planned out... but in reality, nothing is ever planned out the way you want it to. It takes time and it takes one day at a time to really appreciate what is in front of me. I hope that I don't scare her away by jumping the gun and I'm trying not to. I like where I'm at right now and I don't wanna change it for anything.