Nankurunasia*
Fucking panic attacks are hitting me hard the past few days. So bad that I ended up missing work Monday AND Tuesday. Both days I went in. Monday the attacks hit me so hard that I was physically ill. I left before my shift even began. Yesterday I managed to make it 2 hours in.. but that was it. I went in the bathroom to splash water on my face and next thing I knew, there was an EMT flashing a pen light in my eyes.. Yeah.. And thats all I am going to say about that.
I have been tidying up the house, working my way from one end to the other. I paint a little in the library each day and it's starting to look much better. Soon I will be able to remove that horrid blue painting tape and start making steampunk inspired shelving. I am really excited for Friday and getting the estimate done on the kitchen. I will definitely be taking before and after pics just to show what we moved into and how we revamped it. I really want to make my kitchen window a garden window of sorts. There is an obnoxious awning over it that blocks the light and the kitchen is one of the few rooms where I actually want natural light.
~sigh~ This is going to be good to keep my mind busy.
My dad is talking about coming to visit me in June.. but then thats what he has been known for all my life. Just talking about doing things with me.. When I was small, it was "taking me to Disney Land". Now that I am older, it is "coming to visit". (Yeah right.. He has been promising me just this thing for the past three years. He was supposed to visit over Thanksgiving/Christmas 2011, summer 2011, spring break 2011, winter holidays 2010, and so on and so forth.) Perhaps I am a little bitter about it but I will believe it when I see it. I expect him not to come and thus I am sure not to be disappointed. Its better then getting my hopes up.
~frowns~
Note to anyone who I supposedly matter to.. Don't do that to me. It drives a wedge deeper then you will likely be able to fix in the future.
Anyway, tomorrow is my last day of waking at the butt-crack of dawn, then I will be tossed into training for a new pilot department for the Tucson area. Im actually quite excited about this. And to top it off, this weekend will be a three-day weekend due to a change in schedule. Yay! (I have absolutely NO plans to go out, because Im all focused on home improvements and whatnot, but at least I will be productive.)
*It will all work out
I have been tidying up the house, working my way from one end to the other. I paint a little in the library each day and it's starting to look much better. Soon I will be able to remove that horrid blue painting tape and start making steampunk inspired shelving. I am really excited for Friday and getting the estimate done on the kitchen. I will definitely be taking before and after pics just to show what we moved into and how we revamped it. I really want to make my kitchen window a garden window of sorts. There is an obnoxious awning over it that blocks the light and the kitchen is one of the few rooms where I actually want natural light.
~sigh~ This is going to be good to keep my mind busy.
My dad is talking about coming to visit me in June.. but then thats what he has been known for all my life. Just talking about doing things with me.. When I was small, it was "taking me to Disney Land". Now that I am older, it is "coming to visit". (Yeah right.. He has been promising me just this thing for the past three years. He was supposed to visit over Thanksgiving/Christmas 2011, summer 2011, spring break 2011, winter holidays 2010, and so on and so forth.) Perhaps I am a little bitter about it but I will believe it when I see it. I expect him not to come and thus I am sure not to be disappointed. Its better then getting my hopes up.
~frowns~
Note to anyone who I supposedly matter to.. Don't do that to me. It drives a wedge deeper then you will likely be able to fix in the future.
Anyway, tomorrow is my last day of waking at the butt-crack of dawn, then I will be tossed into training for a new pilot department for the Tucson area. Im actually quite excited about this. And to top it off, this weekend will be a three-day weekend due to a change in schedule. Yay! (I have absolutely NO plans to go out, because Im all focused on home improvements and whatnot, but at least I will be productive.)
*It will all work out