No matter where you go, there you are
For the record, before I even start.. I am going to state that this entry is probably not going to make any sense. I feel scattered. Not scatter-brained, mind you. But just.. scattered. Or perhaps it's more like... distant. Or maybe it's both and much more.
I was asked tonight how I would describe myself, because the first thing that comes out of someones mouth when asked that question, supposedly tells a lot about them. I replied that I thought of myself as quiet, but upon further thought I am not certain as that is the most correct definition. I mean, I AM quiet. Of that, there is no doubt. Especially around people I am unfamiliar with. I tend to sit back and observe mannerisms and try to get a feel for someone before I allow myself to be more open. Sometimes this takes a mere few hours.. other times it can take days. It really depends on the other person and how talkative they are.
So I guess that brings me back to the question how would I describe myself.
Well.. if you are talking about meeting me in real-life, outside the box that sits on my desk, then I would say introverted. I don't share much about myself in person.. not because I am shy, exactly. But because I am aware that the world is very much judgmental. People always are comparing, and judging the way you look, speak, the topics you choose, your intellect... Even if it's not intentionally, they still do it. They take every little thing about you and file it away somewhere in their brain so they can decide whether or not you are worth their time. And if you dont make it through the initial judgments of how you look or carry yourself.. chances are, they wont take the time to bother with getting to know the you that makes you who you are.
But that's just my personal experience with the world. Those of you with a plethora of friends in your life, may view it differently. Or.. you are just really, really lucky and should count your blessings.
Yet if you are talking about how I come across online, I would have no idea. Those of you who are.. allowed into my locked posts know more about me then any person in the outside world. To you I may seem more like an extrovert because I pour my heart into this journal when I post. I use it mostly to work through the things that are troubling me and sometimes I manage to post about happier things.. like getting to see my dad for the first time in -years-.
So I guess I would have to ask YOU...
If you actually made it through my rambling post... How would YOU describe me?
(Don't worry if it's negative... I wont hold it against you.) ♥
I was asked tonight how I would describe myself, because the first thing that comes out of someones mouth when asked that question, supposedly tells a lot about them. I replied that I thought of myself as quiet, but upon further thought I am not certain as that is the most correct definition. I mean, I AM quiet. Of that, there is no doubt. Especially around people I am unfamiliar with. I tend to sit back and observe mannerisms and try to get a feel for someone before I allow myself to be more open. Sometimes this takes a mere few hours.. other times it can take days. It really depends on the other person and how talkative they are.
So I guess that brings me back to the question how would I describe myself.
Well.. if you are talking about meeting me in real-life, outside the box that sits on my desk, then I would say introverted. I don't share much about myself in person.. not because I am shy, exactly. But because I am aware that the world is very much judgmental. People always are comparing, and judging the way you look, speak, the topics you choose, your intellect... Even if it's not intentionally, they still do it. They take every little thing about you and file it away somewhere in their brain so they can decide whether or not you are worth their time. And if you dont make it through the initial judgments of how you look or carry yourself.. chances are, they wont take the time to bother with getting to know the you that makes you who you are.
But that's just my personal experience with the world. Those of you with a plethora of friends in your life, may view it differently. Or.. you are just really, really lucky and should count your blessings.
Yet if you are talking about how I come across online, I would have no idea. Those of you who are.. allowed into my locked posts know more about me then any person in the outside world. To you I may seem more like an extrovert because I pour my heart into this journal when I post. I use it mostly to work through the things that are troubling me and sometimes I manage to post about happier things.. like getting to see my dad for the first time in -years-.
So I guess I would have to ask YOU...
If you actually made it through my rambling post... How would YOU describe me?
(Don't worry if it's negative... I wont hold it against you.) ♥