happy and sad
ok so this will be jumble of mixed feelings ...... and probably run all over the place as i am apt to do ... and be about work and then too much of everything else as per usual ....
so happy part .... ok the job i almost took last july at a state park in the lower rio grande valley .... was filled but a wonderfull really awesome guy from missouri .... who is 6'6" .... "drool" no idea how old he is ... and man do i so wish he didnt like 8 hours away ... im kinda a sucker for falling for guys 8 hrs away ..... he hosted the workshop i was at these last few days with the gal who interviewed me ..... he is sooo excited about what he does ... is really good at it .... is loving learning everything new and a huge asset to that park ... he even thanked me at as i was leaving for not taking the job .... and really i know it was the best decision .. for me and karmic for him ... which is sooooo damn awesome ....
makes me sad cause i would have really loved to be learning from his boss.... she is friggen awesome ... and as she kinda commented on .. we did really kinda connect.... and its really great that i have gotten to see her several times since starting this position ... and i think i will make it a bigger priority to keep in touch with her ....
the whiney part ... and this is the huge difference bettween working for a really great boss and one whos just getting by ....
said guy .... has been working for umm 5 or 6 months.... i have been working for 7 going on 8 ... this is the frame of reference
he has business cards ... me nada
he has all the department pins for his dress uniform ..... me i just got my uniforms about a month ago no pins ... and i have also managed to lose my name tag ... yeah i know shame on me
he has a permit card for collections .... things like feathers bones nests and so on .. yes you can be arrested for those sorts of things if you dont have a permit ... anyway
has contact with and has met and trained with already several birding and butterflying and so on authors and experts...... ok that has less to do with who he works and more to do with where he works ... that is a huge birding mecca
but still i think he would have been sent for training ...
i mean hes giving workshops ...... how cool is that .... i mean to already have the expertise ..... i dont even know that i have that in my own park ... just make me feel shamed that i dont know my park better and that i need to spend more time just out learning and with guides and so on ... and pushing myself to learn these things more extensively on my own ...
hes connected with professional organizations of birders and so on .... way cool ...
ok i guess im just good at feeling sorry for myself and having a big case of the grass is greener some place else .....
i just need to do a better job at making me better...... though again throwing myself into work is not helping other areas ... like the total lack of social life..... friends..... recreation .... relaxation .... entertainment and so on ..... bleh .....
so im torn in part by wanting to be him .... and wanting to date him .... and i think thats my fatal flaw ...
in the men i have attempted to date .... there are things about them i see and want to make myself a little more like that ... and then of course they are attractive and you know have things in common and want to date .... but .....
isnt there just instana relationship .... bleh .... i am so not good at that ...
oh and reason why i didnt talk to said cute boy who was in fact giving the workshop and i should have been talking too ... was because i was late ... sate next to the guy closest to my age of the whole group taking the workshop .... after coming in late .... and trying to find the least disruptive place to sit .... *sigh*
then of course ... not wanting to drive everywhere in a zillion different trucks ... tried to get ppl to carpool... but only succeeded in just eliminating me driving .... so i think he was trying to flirt or hit on me ..... kept talking about the steak he bought for dinner last night .... tried to make funny comments .... which i didnt find all that amusing .... and mostly hanging around while we were on walks.... and when he wasnt with me was with cute boy .... *sighs*
and i tried to talk with the gal .. to create a better working relationship and possibly friendship and so on .... and shes a girl and you know ... and i was trying to learn a little bit about everyone else and so on .... i dont know if i did a good job or not .... oddly enough i had applied for several of the other ppls jobs ... which is kinda odd.. and maybe i was a little to going on about that ... i dunno ... but ... anyway .... whats done is done .... and interviewing was a great experience and the ppl hired for the positions i applied are awesome .... ok except for the naturalist position i interviewed for at my own park ..... anyway .... so i am excited to be working with such great people .... if only indirectly .... part of me just wants to be a sponge and soak up as much as they can teach .....
ok im done ... did i mention he was really tall..... and good loooking .... the flaw .... ok except for 8 hours away .... he owns a jack russell ..... a tad yippy .... anyway ... ok i think im done drooling .. oh and the guide book i have been wanting for years.... its his favorite .... hes on his second field guide copy .... and its about trashed from soo much use ....
i am way to much about wanting books to looks prestine instead of really using and abusing them ..... yeah like i said random
so happy part .... ok the job i almost took last july at a state park in the lower rio grande valley .... was filled but a wonderfull really awesome guy from missouri .... who is 6'6" .... "drool" no idea how old he is ... and man do i so wish he didnt like 8 hours away ... im kinda a sucker for falling for guys 8 hrs away ..... he hosted the workshop i was at these last few days with the gal who interviewed me ..... he is sooo excited about what he does ... is really good at it .... is loving learning everything new and a huge asset to that park ... he even thanked me at as i was leaving for not taking the job .... and really i know it was the best decision .. for me and karmic for him ... which is sooooo damn awesome ....
makes me sad cause i would have really loved to be learning from his boss.... she is friggen awesome ... and as she kinda commented on .. we did really kinda connect.... and its really great that i have gotten to see her several times since starting this position ... and i think i will make it a bigger priority to keep in touch with her ....
the whiney part ... and this is the huge difference bettween working for a really great boss and one whos just getting by ....
said guy .... has been working for umm 5 or 6 months.... i have been working for 7 going on 8 ... this is the frame of reference
he has business cards ... me nada
he has all the department pins for his dress uniform ..... me i just got my uniforms about a month ago no pins ... and i have also managed to lose my name tag ... yeah i know shame on me
he has a permit card for collections .... things like feathers bones nests and so on .. yes you can be arrested for those sorts of things if you dont have a permit ... anyway
has contact with and has met and trained with already several birding and butterflying and so on authors and experts...... ok that has less to do with who he works and more to do with where he works ... that is a huge birding mecca
but still i think he would have been sent for training ...
i mean hes giving workshops ...... how cool is that .... i mean to already have the expertise ..... i dont even know that i have that in my own park ... just make me feel shamed that i dont know my park better and that i need to spend more time just out learning and with guides and so on ... and pushing myself to learn these things more extensively on my own ...
hes connected with professional organizations of birders and so on .... way cool ...
ok i guess im just good at feeling sorry for myself and having a big case of the grass is greener some place else .....
i just need to do a better job at making me better...... though again throwing myself into work is not helping other areas ... like the total lack of social life..... friends..... recreation .... relaxation .... entertainment and so on ..... bleh .....
so im torn in part by wanting to be him .... and wanting to date him .... and i think thats my fatal flaw ...
in the men i have attempted to date .... there are things about them i see and want to make myself a little more like that ... and then of course they are attractive and you know have things in common and want to date .... but .....
isnt there just instana relationship .... bleh .... i am so not good at that ...
oh and reason why i didnt talk to said cute boy who was in fact giving the workshop and i should have been talking too ... was because i was late ... sate next to the guy closest to my age of the whole group taking the workshop .... after coming in late .... and trying to find the least disruptive place to sit .... *sigh*
then of course ... not wanting to drive everywhere in a zillion different trucks ... tried to get ppl to carpool... but only succeeded in just eliminating me driving .... so i think he was trying to flirt or hit on me ..... kept talking about the steak he bought for dinner last night .... tried to make funny comments .... which i didnt find all that amusing .... and mostly hanging around while we were on walks.... and when he wasnt with me was with cute boy .... *sighs*
and i tried to talk with the gal .. to create a better working relationship and possibly friendship and so on .... and shes a girl and you know ... and i was trying to learn a little bit about everyone else and so on .... i dont know if i did a good job or not .... oddly enough i had applied for several of the other ppls jobs ... which is kinda odd.. and maybe i was a little to going on about that ... i dunno ... but ... anyway .... whats done is done .... and interviewing was a great experience and the ppl hired for the positions i applied are awesome .... ok except for the naturalist position i interviewed for at my own park ..... anyway .... so i am excited to be working with such great people .... if only indirectly .... part of me just wants to be a sponge and soak up as much as they can teach .....
ok im done ... did i mention he was really tall..... and good loooking .... the flaw .... ok except for 8 hours away .... he owns a jack russell ..... a tad yippy .... anyway ... ok i think im done drooling .. oh and the guide book i have been wanting for years.... its his favorite .... hes on his second field guide copy .... and its about trashed from soo much use ....
i am way to much about wanting books to looks prestine instead of really using and abusing them ..... yeah like i said random