reply
ok ... so instead of reply to everyone individually thought i would kinda do another post so everyone saw everything ...
one ... i get gushy about things ... i just never tell anyone about it .... thats about a fear of being made fun of kind of thing ..... i dont get them very often so theres also some component about about having something all to myself ...
part of the gushy is envy tooo .... cause i dont know entierly if part of what i find attractive is the wishing i could be doing what hes doing or being part of it or that kind of thing ..... and being that i could have just as easily taken that job ... ok no .. but it was a very tearful turn down .... that was such a hard decision ..... so it could have been me having all those experiences ... and so on ...
and i dont often get to meet 6'6" ppl ... ever......
there was one guy who was a basket ball player in my field zoology class but we spoke about two words ... and more oftne than not im lucky if they are an inch so ... that much taller is just possibly and instant attraction .... *shrugs* .....
as for flying ... there is no way .... that costs money and im in the hole atm ... and its not likely to get better... i have to get a car inspection ... and a new plates registration and lisence ... and i fear thats gonna cost a whole whole lot or force me to buy a new car *worries*
and two he has no idea really who i am ..... i mean yes he did you know shake my hand and thank me for not taking the job there so that he could have this oppertunity ... but thats about all we spoke to each other the entire two days ..... =( ... yeah i dont actually talk to cute guys ..... i just sit and drool and play what ifs in my head ..... its not like i think anything will ever come of it .... in fact i know it wont ..... and see my attempts to talk to ppl i know are smart and i find attractive just really end up in me being tongue tied.. and totally not myself .... which is never very good ... and if you cant be yourself around someone i dont know that its worth trying to persue a relationship ...
if i am lucky i will get to see him once a year at the anual state wide interpreters workshop/meeting .... if i pulled a lot of non existant strings i might up that to twice may be three times a year .. but this really just wishful thinking ... that would be like i would either get some amazing grant from my park manager to go down there for work shops .. or things like dragonfly days ..... or i spend all my vacation time going down there to learn how to mist net and band hawks .... which i could do ... it would you know further my whatever ... and be really interesting to say the least and so on ... plus up my connections ..... but a tad expensive as well ...
as for the fear of relationships .... yeah thats probably true .... to an extent .... i know that at the time i really thought i was trying to make something work in the ld ones i had.... and i usually do but seeing as ld stuff is not normal and im not normal ... if the guy is halfway normal it doesnt work .... or something like that ...... its the struggle to see if were moving in the same direction to close the gap and so on ... *shrugs*
and there are other reasons for vocalizing this and not persuing it and getting so gushy about it ....
they say that the best way to get over someone is to find someone new ....
hoping it will tone down the male angst ....
and in the list of long distance guys i know that i could be fixated on .... this is the least dangerous to both .. him ... and me ....
i do know that hes single ... which helps because having a infatuation or loving someone who is currently in a relationship with an apparently wonderful girl that isnt a zillion miles away ... is not good for me ...
i think that covers most of it ... so as more questions =)
one ... i get gushy about things ... i just never tell anyone about it .... thats about a fear of being made fun of kind of thing ..... i dont get them very often so theres also some component about about having something all to myself ...
part of the gushy is envy tooo .... cause i dont know entierly if part of what i find attractive is the wishing i could be doing what hes doing or being part of it or that kind of thing ..... and being that i could have just as easily taken that job ... ok no .. but it was a very tearful turn down .... that was such a hard decision ..... so it could have been me having all those experiences ... and so on ...
and i dont often get to meet 6'6" ppl ... ever......
there was one guy who was a basket ball player in my field zoology class but we spoke about two words ... and more oftne than not im lucky if they are an inch so ... that much taller is just possibly and instant attraction .... *shrugs* .....
as for flying ... there is no way .... that costs money and im in the hole atm ... and its not likely to get better... i have to get a car inspection ... and a new plates registration and lisence ... and i fear thats gonna cost a whole whole lot or force me to buy a new car *worries*
and two he has no idea really who i am ..... i mean yes he did you know shake my hand and thank me for not taking the job there so that he could have this oppertunity ... but thats about all we spoke to each other the entire two days ..... =( ... yeah i dont actually talk to cute guys ..... i just sit and drool and play what ifs in my head ..... its not like i think anything will ever come of it .... in fact i know it wont ..... and see my attempts to talk to ppl i know are smart and i find attractive just really end up in me being tongue tied.. and totally not myself .... which is never very good ... and if you cant be yourself around someone i dont know that its worth trying to persue a relationship ...
if i am lucky i will get to see him once a year at the anual state wide interpreters workshop/meeting .... if i pulled a lot of non existant strings i might up that to twice may be three times a year .. but this really just wishful thinking ... that would be like i would either get some amazing grant from my park manager to go down there for work shops .. or things like dragonfly days ..... or i spend all my vacation time going down there to learn how to mist net and band hawks .... which i could do ... it would you know further my whatever ... and be really interesting to say the least and so on ... plus up my connections ..... but a tad expensive as well ...
as for the fear of relationships .... yeah thats probably true .... to an extent .... i know that at the time i really thought i was trying to make something work in the ld ones i had.... and i usually do but seeing as ld stuff is not normal and im not normal ... if the guy is halfway normal it doesnt work .... or something like that ...... its the struggle to see if were moving in the same direction to close the gap and so on ... *shrugs*
and there are other reasons for vocalizing this and not persuing it and getting so gushy about it ....
they say that the best way to get over someone is to find someone new ....
hoping it will tone down the male angst ....
and in the list of long distance guys i know that i could be fixated on .... this is the least dangerous to both .. him ... and me ....
i do know that hes single ... which helps because having a infatuation or loving someone who is currently in a relationship with an apparently wonderful girl that isnt a zillion miles away ... is not good for me ...
i think that covers most of it ... so as more questions =)