Someday, dolphins are going to take over the world. We won't be laughing then.
It's time for another geek entry from me! :D
So I was linked to this article by a friend on Twitter and am now realizing that our fear of domination from the stars may be totally the wrong direction. Literally.
Though I don't truly fear a dolphin takeover since I have been totally brainwashed think dolphins are adorable and amazing creatures, I do have some concerns.
For example, will we be required to move into cities under the sea to give our dolphin overlords better control over us? I have never mastered the art of NOT breathing through my nose underwater, and my lung capacity is for shit.
And I have buoyancy issues that make diving difficult for me anyway. (Read: I float a little too well and have to use a lot of extra weights.)
(NO, I AM NOT *FAT*. I HAVE . . . ISSUES I AM NOT GOING TO DISCUSS ON A PUBLIC FORUM LIKE THIS. SHUT UP AND KEEP READING. *glares*)
Also, despite five years in the Navy, I have a sort of fear of epically deep water. Thanks in no small way to Refur's educating me on the things that live down there. Especially Day Five. See more horror here and here. And if you ever want to sleep again DON'T WATCH THE VIDEO ON THE FIRST PAGE.
My other concern is that they'll want us to eat more fish--or to feed us fish as we have been doing to them in return for stupid tricks.
I would be labeled a dumb human and stuck in the back room where none of the visitors to the Humanarium would be able to see me because I am allergic to fish and therefore would not perform tricks.
Unless of course I met one of those Giant Isopods. Then I'd probably chose to eat the fish just to escape a worse fate at the hands of the Giant Pill Bugs of Deep-Sea DOOM.
(I would like to note right now that I have never been anything but solicitous, kind, and possibly even a bit obsequious in my dealings with your tiny brethren here on land, Master Giant Isopods. Please don't eat me alive.)
So just remember the next time you go to see a dolphin show that you can clap and laugh and ohh and ahh over them now, but one day you may be the one jumping through hoops and raising the flags and making happy clicky noises right before you catch that fish snack.
P.S. In COMPLETELY unrelated news, when your desktop starts to look like a Master Level I Spy challenge, it's time to clean it up.
*goes to clean and not think about the evol!bugs waiting to devour her still-warm flesh*
Edit: NOW WITH EXTRA IRON(Y)!
I looked down shortly after posting this and realized I've already resigned myself to fate started making plans to resist:
I'm wearing a Sea World Trainer's T-shirt. BRING IT, YOU AQUATIC MAMMALIAN BITCHES!
So I was linked to this article by a friend on Twitter and am now realizing that our fear of domination from the stars may be totally the wrong direction. Literally.
Though I don't truly fear a dolphin takeover since I have been totally brainwashed think dolphins are adorable and amazing creatures, I do have some concerns.
For example, will we be required to move into cities under the sea to give our dolphin overlords better control over us? I have never mastered the art of NOT breathing through my nose underwater, and my lung capacity is for shit.
And I have buoyancy issues that make diving difficult for me anyway. (Read: I float a little too well and have to use a lot of extra weights.)
(NO, I AM NOT *FAT*. I HAVE . . . ISSUES I AM NOT GOING TO DISCUSS ON A PUBLIC FORUM LIKE THIS. SHUT UP AND KEEP READING. *glares*)
Also, despite five years in the Navy, I have a sort of fear of epically deep water. Thanks in no small way to Refur's educating me on the things that live down there. Especially Day Five. See more horror here and here. And if you ever want to sleep again DON'T WATCH THE VIDEO ON THE FIRST PAGE.
My other concern is that they'll want us to eat more fish--or to feed us fish as we have been doing to them in return for stupid tricks.
I would be labeled a dumb human and stuck in the back room where none of the visitors to the Humanarium would be able to see me because I am allergic to fish and therefore would not perform tricks.
Unless of course I met one of those Giant Isopods. Then I'd probably chose to eat the fish just to escape a worse fate at the hands of the Giant Pill Bugs of Deep-Sea DOOM.
(I would like to note right now that I have never been anything but solicitous, kind, and possibly even a bit obsequious in my dealings with your tiny brethren here on land, Master Giant Isopods. Please don't eat me alive.)
So just remember the next time you go to see a dolphin show that you can clap and laugh and ohh and ahh over them now, but one day you may be the one jumping through hoops and raising the flags and making happy clicky noises right before you catch that fish snack.
P.S. In COMPLETELY unrelated news, when your desktop starts to look like a Master Level I Spy challenge, it's time to clean it up.
*goes to clean and not think about the evol!bugs waiting to devour her still-warm flesh*
Edit: NOW WITH EXTRA IRON(Y)!
I looked down shortly after posting this and realized I've already resigned myself to fate started making plans to resist:
I'm wearing a Sea World Trainer's T-shirt. BRING IT, YOU AQUATIC MAMMALIAN BITCHES!