this is my heart bleeding before you [this is me down on my knees]

[roundthedawn]

There are days when you don't want to get out of bed. You just want to stay there curled up and warm because there's this feeling inside that tells you that if you get out of bed you'll regret it. Of course when you have my roommate there's that other instant reaction of get out as fast as you can. So of course I got out of bed this morning

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[roundthedawn]

He sat down on Madison's bed and my brain flashed to what I'd seen when I'd walked into the room. It made my stomach turn over but it wasn't going to change anything. Like I said, just because he did this didn't mean how I felt went away. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love him, I wouldn't feel like I was bleeding to death inside if I didn't just want to take him in my arms and absolve him of his sins.

I wanted to tell him it was okay but I couldn't because it wasn't and it never would be.

At least he wasn't trying to leave anymore, that was progress, even though the room was starting to feel opressive.

I closed my eyes when he said he was the one who didn't leave. I wanted to believe that, I really desperately wanted to believe it but it was hard when everyone in my life had shown me otherwise. I couldn't even explain it to him, I couldn't because if I did then he'd know and all this bravado would be gone. I wanted to trust that he was different but that was just so fucking hard.

I listened to him and it hurt because he was in the same boat I was (sure he had never had a hellgoddess try to bleed him dry as far as I knew) but it was the same and he'd been willing to try anyway and I'd just ... Hidden.

I took the few steps that ended with me standing in front of him. I dropped down on my knees and took his hands. I couldn't say I was never going to leave, I refused to make the same promise that had been broken on me so many times. I couldn't stand to do that to someone I loved.

"Look at me Logan," I looked up at him waiting for him to meet my eyes I actually had to reach forward and lift his chin, "I love you and that ... is the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now."

I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him softly, ignoring the taste of Madison on his lips.

[goshmomgeedad]

There had only been one person in my life for the last few months - and maybe that's a little pathetic because we started out hating each other. I mean, every so often Dick would come over in his depression and we'd drink - but that was Dick and it was just weird after all that shit with Cassidy went down.

There'd just been only one person there. And she came over on the anniversary of my mom's death and she watched videos on TV with me over the phone and she stood up for me even when I didn't deserve it. Especially when I didn't. But she didn't just take it either.

When she tells me to look at her and I refuse silently by continuing to look down even though she makes me drop my shirt by taking my hands in hers. She reaches and lifts my chin so I do anyway. She makes me face her as she tells me that she reiterates that she loves me - "I love you and that ... is the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now." - and I'm not sure if I should cry or smile. I feel like both.

But I don't have to do either because she pulls my head down to hers and kisses me like I've wanted her to do for so long. It hurts and burns and I think it should.

So, I kiss her back. My free hand lifts to curl in a tangle of her hair as I return the kiss. My lips brush against hers softly, my tongue lightly tracing her lower lip for more.

"I am so sorry," I whispered softly against her mouth before repeating the same action, my other hand lifting to lightly caress her cheek with my thumb.

[roundthedawn]

A lot of people wouldn't understand why I'm doing this. Why I'm still standing here, why I kissed him, asked him not to leave and told him that I loved him. After what he did, I think most people would throw him out on his ass and try to forget they ever knew him. But the thing is, I've gotten to know Logan pretty well since we met.

I've seen him lash out and push people away and I also know myself.

If you fuck it up first it won't hurt as bad as if they leave you all on their own. It was a defense mechanism and that really didn't make it okay or anything or the sort but I knew why. At least I thought that I did.

He kissed me back and I was releaved, it was aquesence, acceptance. He wasn't going to go away.

"I am so sorry," I shook my head slightly as he kissed me again. It was one of those things. When you realize that fear's been holding you back and you wonder how the fuck you could have not had this before now. Why you let insecurity and doubt cloud everything else.

"I am too, I was just scared," I sighed and pressed my forehead against his.

"But I swear to god if you ever do something like this to me again I will castrate you with a spoon," I was really serious.

It was one thing to fuck up before these declarations but after them? That was something I didn't think I could forgive. We weren't together before and I'm not sure we ever are now but it's obviously heading that way.

My knees started to ache so I pulled away and dropped his hand.

"Can we go to your apartment? I really don't want to be in here right now."