I sorta hate myself sometimes.
So, I've managed to spend all of last semester pining for her. Then I got to germany and continued to wish we were together. Then she finally tells me that she wants to get back together, and I can't see her because I'm about 2000 fucking miles away. So what happens? My mind wanders, of course.
I've been talking to a german girl over myspace, and if I were staying here for more than one more week I would probably try to meet her in bielefeld for a date. Yup, I'm that easily distracted. And now, if that isn't eritating enough, an old ex/friend/something finally showed me something that I had talked about with her a long time ago (you knkow who you are, and what you've done), and quite frankly, wavy hair, fuck. I never would have beleived it looked that good if I hadn't seen it. One more thing to think too damn much about.
If that isn't enough, I just don't know how I feel about her even before 2 other girls start to poke into my thoughts. Last semester I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody else, and she didn't tell me about it. The day I stumbled across that I went for a several hour walk and thought about it until I saw that I had no right to feel jelous, and basically moved on and hoped she was happy. When she first said she wanted to get backtogether with me I thought that was fantastic. Now, I'm not even sure how I feel. I'm not sure I can look her in the eyes and tell her I love her, I don't know if I'd be telling the truth.
I need to see her, I need to talk to her, and figure out how I feel. I know that a relationship that falls appart when the two people can't see each other all the time is a weak one, but for whatever reason I want to try and make it work with her, even if it is doomed to failure after next year.
Yup, somebody is gunna get hurt in all of this. I hope its me, I really really do.
I've been talking to a german girl over myspace, and if I were staying here for more than one more week I would probably try to meet her in bielefeld for a date. Yup, I'm that easily distracted. And now, if that isn't eritating enough, an old ex/friend/something finally showed me something that I had talked about with her a long time ago (you knkow who you are, and what you've done), and quite frankly, wavy hair, fuck. I never would have beleived it looked that good if I hadn't seen it. One more thing to think too damn much about.
If that isn't enough, I just don't know how I feel about her even before 2 other girls start to poke into my thoughts. Last semester I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody else, and she didn't tell me about it. The day I stumbled across that I went for a several hour walk and thought about it until I saw that I had no right to feel jelous, and basically moved on and hoped she was happy. When she first said she wanted to get backtogether with me I thought that was fantastic. Now, I'm not even sure how I feel. I'm not sure I can look her in the eyes and tell her I love her, I don't know if I'd be telling the truth.
I need to see her, I need to talk to her, and figure out how I feel. I know that a relationship that falls appart when the two people can't see each other all the time is a weak one, but for whatever reason I want to try and make it work with her, even if it is doomed to failure after next year.
Yup, somebody is gunna get hurt in all of this. I hope its me, I really really do.