We all need to feel secure, we're so middle class
Do you remember when you were little and you'd be playing with your younger sister or brother or older cousins. And when an adult came near you'd drop down and pretend you were sleeping, always snoring too loud and shouting in "nightmares." Or maybe you'd be completely silent sleeping, hoping that you could catch a word they'd utter about you, or maybe that they'd just watch you sleep for awhile because you were their son or daughter and that's what parents do. It doesn't really matter how old you are, until you reach about age twenty, parents will always find themselves in your doorway (granted it's not locked), watching the way your chest rises and falls and remembering the day you were born. I don't know why it was so important to play dead those days, when it was so obvious that I wasn't sleeping. I didn't really have any guys to play with, just my little sister Hayley, but without fail, we'd hear the creak of the hallway and the crack of my mom's ankles and we were suddenly out, crashing to the floor and reaching for the nearest pillow. It was always a contest to see who could hold a straight face while she clasped her hands together and talked loudly (although, arguably, most Mexican families are by definition loud) about how her babies were sleeping, and then she'd lean down and kiss our cheeks until we cracked a smile and she'd scream GOOD MORNING BEBE at us like it was all completely natural the way our eyes were perfectly free of sleepies and our hair not smooshed to the side of our faces like unconsciousness tends to do to you.
I'm not sure what this really means, I was just thinking and I kind of miss my sister and this apartment is so quiet. Marieh is off filming in Utah with her sister and every night she calls me and is laughing in her deep, throaty, smoker's without smoking voice about the things they did that night and how they terrorized Moab. I don't know much about geography or much in particular about Utah except that she's far away from me and doesn't come home at night, so I just listen to her and she'll talk for an hour before she takes a breath, but I don't mind, I just like hearing her speak. She really radiates through her mouth, and I can hear the crack in her smile from miles away.
I miss her and it's days apart when I realize it and know that I've taken her for granted again, her presense and the way she always clings onto me so tightly when we're sleeping. I miss her skin against mine because she always sleeps in the nude, come spring summer winter or fall, and it's not about the sexual side of it, it's about the way her hip curves when she rolls onto her side and the way she always tucks my arm around her belly and doesn't seem to mind that I have perpetually cold fingers or that I breathe too loudly when I'm sleeping. And she knows just what to do with the other arm, the awkward one left pressed against her back when I've pressed against her, stretching it out across our pillows and using it as her own.
I think that's what it's all about. The way she moves me beyond explanation in the mornings with just a simple kiss and the way that I am aching right now because I know I have to face another night without her.
I'm not sure what this really means, I was just thinking and I kind of miss my sister and this apartment is so quiet. Marieh is off filming in Utah with her sister and every night she calls me and is laughing in her deep, throaty, smoker's without smoking voice about the things they did that night and how they terrorized Moab. I don't know much about geography or much in particular about Utah except that she's far away from me and doesn't come home at night, so I just listen to her and she'll talk for an hour before she takes a breath, but I don't mind, I just like hearing her speak. She really radiates through her mouth, and I can hear the crack in her smile from miles away.
I miss her and it's days apart when I realize it and know that I've taken her for granted again, her presense and the way she always clings onto me so tightly when we're sleeping. I miss her skin against mine because she always sleeps in the nude, come spring summer winter or fall, and it's not about the sexual side of it, it's about the way her hip curves when she rolls onto her side and the way she always tucks my arm around her belly and doesn't seem to mind that I have perpetually cold fingers or that I breathe too loudly when I'm sleeping. And she knows just what to do with the other arm, the awkward one left pressed against her back when I've pressed against her, stretching it out across our pillows and using it as her own.
I think that's what it's all about. The way she moves me beyond explanation in the mornings with just a simple kiss and the way that I am aching right now because I know I have to face another night without her.